maddie pov;
in that moment of seeing his face i thought, there's nothing deeper then this numbness i feel. but i felt something deeper. i was sitting on the deepest part of the ocean with my eyes closed and pressuring crushing me. that's how i felt. i stared into his brown eyes. this is my fucking rapist. this is now my life. i got up, taking one of his shirts and joggers. i put it on. i was in so much pain. everywhere. physically and mentally. i left his house and he didn't say a word. i didn't either. the ride home felt fake like noting exist around me anymore. when i got home i realized anthony still had shit going through his head about this. i went up to his room and knocked.
anthony; come in.
i walked in and sat by him on his bed. he stared at my clothes then to my face. he then looked concerned.
anthony; so you've been going to this guys house when you leave?
i nodded and gave a small mhm.
anthony; and you look busted because he probably fucks the shit out of you.
he sighed and looked back at his tv.
maddie; basically.
i gave a small, fake laugh.
maddie; i don't want this to ruin anything. it just feels right to me.
he nodded.
anthony; no, i agree. it's the best for us. um.. but yeah, it's good.
maddie; thank you for understanding.
i got up and went to my room. i tore his filthy clothes off immediately and began crying. i opened my nightstand, taking two xanax then laid down my bed. i closed my eyes wishing for nothing more but death. i have to date my rapist. that means more rape, more suffering. more faking. more shit that can stop if i'm fucking dead.
my alarm went off as sun shine through my blinds. i rubbed my eyes then reached to turn off the alarm. i checked my notifications seeing he texted me to act like we're a couple at school. a tear rolled from my eye remembering this is my life. i got up and got ready. i tried to look really good today because i felt the worst i've ever felt in my entire life. i took a deep breath, popped a xan then went downstairs smiling.
maddie; good morning ant man.
he smiled and hugged me.
anthony; you look really pretty today.
i smiled and grabbed the bagel his mom had made me this morning.
maddie; thank you. shall we go?
we arrived at school and i searched for him in hopes to not run into him. billy, jake, and mazzie all meet up by anthony's car. this was a morning routine and we could just chill here before class started. i was looking down at my phone when i felt his arm go around me. i flinched a bit at the moment. he's here. he found me. oh my god. my heart began beating out my chest, my breaths became shorter. i hate, i hate his touch. it makes me sick to my stomach. i just wanna scream he has been raping me, someone please help me! do it madison, say it! i can't.
fake it madison. you can fake it, you have no other choice. i took a deep breath and looked up at him. i stared into his brown eyes. everything he's done to me flashed before my eyes. i gave a big smile. hi rapist, how are you today?
