The Prince's Heart.

CHAPTER 44.

Anan.

I'm sobbing uncontrollably when I enter the workers wing I'm clutching the envelope with one hand and the other is placed on my chest. Hafsa approaches me first and I look at the worry glaze in her eyes. Her hands are clutching my shoulders and she's seeing me for the drowning girl I am.

"Ana"she trembles. "What's the problem". She starts wiping my tears with her fingers and I don't even know where to begin. We all have moments. Moments where we are unlike ourselves, and we're about to misstep and slip into the world. We're so full of darkness when all we want to do is light up.

"My dad, Hafsa. He's sick and he's going to die and Ahsab knew"I gulped. Recognition flashes her face and she stands up right. She wraps her arms around me. "Ahsab knew" I cried.

Hafsa strokes my back and I just cry"I feel like I'm dead"

"Shhh"she coos. "It's okay Ana"

It was more than a heartbreak, it was more than that. Ahsab broke my soul, I know this was the worst kind of pain because I had explained to him how in pain I was over my dad and he just knew all the time. All these made me doubt his feelings towards me whether they were honest and true.

"I'm so sorry"she says. "You deserve so much better"

She guides me to the couch and I sit on it. And this point I don't know what I need, physical support, moral support. I just need my dad and I know it's gonna hurt alright but I don't want to spend the rest of my life being unhappy.

Hafsa makes green tea for me and prepares me a hot bath after that she leaves me off for privacy. I slip out of my clothes then get into the bathtub, I want to cry but I don't. I just think of everything, I reminisce my moments here because I know that they will be my last. I don't belong here and I am never coming back.

When I'm out of the shower, I tore open the envelope. I tear up everything but the tickets and Baba's letter.Tonight, that's the time of my flight. I don't care that's it's too soon, the time is 4:30 and it is by 11. I pray Salah then hurriedly pack my stuff, stuff that I actually need. After much reluctance I even pack up the bracelet Ahsab gifted me.

My door freaks open and I turn to see Mama. She's standing by my door and I just turn towards my suitcase. We always talk about how parents have rights over their kids but why don't we talk about the rights we have over them. The right to be loved by them. 

"Ayesha"she clears her throat. I turn to face her and I know my eyes are red and blotchy but I hardly give that a thought. I choose not to answer and go towards my nightstand to pick up a photo frame of Latifa, Munira and I. "Where do you think you're going"she asks.

I stare at her as I zip up my suitcase. "Home, Mama"I reply.

"Excuse me?"she's shocked and confused all at the same time by my answer. "This is your home"she adds.

"No"I say curtly. "Wherever Baba is, that's where my home is"

Her eyes are wide and this is the first time we're having this conversation. Never have we mentioned Baba to each other. "He left us, Ana"she whispers. "And we have to move on, we can't live our whole lives in mourn"

"No, Mama"I exclaim. "Please speak for yourself, I have spent my life in mourn since he left. I could never move on and honestly I don't think I can. You shouldn't make people Mama, if you know you're gonna leave them. Cause then they think they've done something wrong and hate themselves. Honestly, I had no one but him and when he went, he took my life with him and recently I got it back from someone but I just realized that the only way we can live is to do what our heart desires"

"Ana"she holds my arm. "You can't leave"

"I am going to Mama, Baba needs me"I whisper. I'm reluctant in telling her not knowing how she'll handle this but I do anyway, she deserves to know. "He's dying"

She crumbles to the floor and I'm afraid she'll get a heart attack because her hand is over her chest in pain. I don't say anything instead I hug her and we cry and cry.

*

Hafsa is driving us to the airport. Mama decided to join me after all, it seems like Baba holds a special and big place in both our hearts. Hafsa, Ahsab and the King are the only ones that know about our departure. Mama and I don't bother saying goodbye to anyone, I feel sad that I don't tell Latifa or Razan but I need to go as soon as I can. I tell Hafsa to explain to them and I really hope they understand.

"You okay"Hafsa rubs my hand as we wait in the living room for Mama too pack up the essential stuff we needed. I nod my head and even though I'm not. I will get better, one day I'll wake up and feel at ease at life knowing that my test would take time to pass but I would pass it as long as I got the strength.

"I'm always gonna be here for you"she says and I nod again. "You're sure you don't wanna say goodbye to anyone"I just nod cause I'm sure if I do talk I'll just bawl my eyes out.

"The Prince came when your were in the shower. He asked me to give you something, I kept it in your stuff"my ears perk up at her words and I can't help my heart accelerating. I hate that my heart still yearned for him even after everything.

"Don't you wanna hear him out?"she asks. "He really loves you, Ana"

I take a deep breath and I'm about to sleep when Mama comes out from her room cutting us off. Hafsa's brother Saad helps us with the the suitcase and we exit the Workers Wing. I've had so many bad memories here but I can't help but wander that this palace shaped me to be the woman I am today, maybe pathetic excuse of a woman but still me.

The cold air kisses my skin as we make our way outside. We go over to Saad's truck as he hands Hafsa the key loading our stuff in the bag. I examine the tickets before handing them to Mama. Just then I look up and there he is. The King in his all might glory on his balcony giving me an approving glance. I feel disgusted and suddenly look away.

"Ana"Hafsa calls after me she's at the door of the truck and is giving me a questioning look obviously noticing my discomfort.

I nod and I'm about to enter the car when my name is called out. I turn to see Ahsab. His shoulders are hunched, his hair is messy and he looks so sad. I can't help the sad feeling that crosses me too.

"You can't leave"he's standing in front of me and I refuse to meet his eyes.

"Please Ahsab, don't make this hard"I plead.

"I love you, Ana. And I'm sorry for what I did. I'll always be . All I'm asking is for you to stay". His hand reaches out for mine and in an instant our hands are entwined.

"I can't"I'm finding it so hard to speak. "I would've stayed for you, I would have done anything for you. All you had to do was ask"I tell him. I'm trying so hard not to cry.

Ahsab pulls me closer and I pull back but he doesn't let go off both my hands. "When I had no one else you showed me what it was like to be loved and I'll always love you for that"I whisper.

He looks up at me. "Then stay Ana, don't give up on us. Stay for us. I love you. I never thought it was possible to love someone so much it's eating you up alive but I guess it was. Don't bail on me, we have to see it through the end"

I take a deep breath then slowly let go of his hand, moving a step backwards. "This is the end, Ahsab"

"Thank you"I say before finally walking away from him, forever.