Care For You ↠ n.h.

17. I was busy basically killing myself

I just wanted to say that this chapter contains some triggering scenes concerning the main topic of the story which is anorexia. If you don't feel comfortable reading that, please skip that part of the conversation between Niall and Layla at the gazebo.❤️

Layla's POV:

Niall drove us to a park. We got off the car and he grabbed my arm putting his coat over both of our heads while running so that we wouldn't get that wet.

We reached an area at the back of the park that had a small gazebo. We stepped on the wooden staircase that led to the floating structure. I turned around to see Niall shaking the water that was dripping off the jacket.

I looked at him as he leaned on the sides of the gazebo fixing his now dump hair. I walked towards the railing taking the spot next to him. He looked at me giving me a side smile.

"We need to talk, Lay." He said after a while.

"Oh not you too.." I muttered remembering how Sam was annoying me earlier.

"What?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"It's just- ugh Sam is trying to talk to me and I really don't have the time for him."I explained running a hand through my hair that was somewhat frizzy from the weather.

"Hey, I'm sorry but, we kinda have to talk about some stuff. I'm still a bit confused on the whole 'plan' you had made for your weight." He said, sincerity flashing through his eyes.

I sighed.

"Okay what'd you wanna know?" I ask putting my hands over my chest.

"Well first of all, ..why?" He asked.

"Well.. I just am very obsessive and.. stubborn." I started.

"I figured." He huffed rolling his eyes playfully.

"Hey, don't interrupt me or else you aren't getting anything out of me." I scolded him and he nodded grinning.

"So um, yeah. I just had this competitive perspective that I have to be the thinnest. My mum used to pester me about my weight when I was younger. She was like 'oh you could eat more fruit and veggies instead of burgers' and um I mean.. She wasn't forceful, but just because she used to be very skinny when she was younger I guess she wanted me to be like her? I really don't know." I said looking down leaving a small laugh at my last statement. It really sounded stupid.

He didn't say anything he just waited for me to continue. I gave him a small nod and started talking again.

"Right. So um, I just wanted to lose weight for her. But then, I saw that she didn't really talk to me about it anymore since her job was getting busier and busier so she really didn't have time to talk to me about my weight, I guess. But one day she came home saying that she had this client and her daughter was at my school." I stopped talking to breathe and Niall looked at the water that was dripping off the framing of the gazebo.

The rain had stopped at this point.

"And well, the daughter was Amy. And my mum gushed about how great she looks and how her weight is perfect for her. And I started feeling like she wanted me to be like Amy. So yeah, I started trying to lose weight so that maybe my mum would pay more attention to me. I didn't even think that skipping meals, throwing up and all that was bad for me. It was like a constant reminder in me that was ringing all the time saying that if you lose one more kg you are one step closer to your mum's attention. Which obviously isn't true at all. Turns out my mum was paying attention while I was busy basically killing myself." I sigh not wanting to look up at Niall.