Happy John Laurens Day everybody!
Now before I give you joy because of today, let's have some angst.
I'm sorry, not sorry.
But I did cry throughout writing this.
TW: depressing thoughts, self harm. I will put a sign in case you're too sensitive in this topic. It goes on until the end of this chapter. :)
John's POV
The night after we forgave Thomas, I didn't sleep.
I couldn't sleep.
I wept and wept and cried all night.
I checked my digital clock. The red numbers illuminated my face slightly.
It read, 12:09AM.
Today is now officially January 9.
I sighed.
You may be wondering right now, why am I crying?
Funny question. Last chapter answered it.
No?
I'm heartbroken.
Alex likes Thomas.
And not me.
I learnt to not get too attached to people.
But now, I forgot about that.
I love Alexander.
Holy macaroni and cheese-
No, I'm in love with him.
I let out a quiet sob. My sheets were already damp with sweat and tears.
Why Alexander?
Why do you like Thomas?
Why are you so beautiful, and fragile? Why are you so determined? Why are you so small? Why is your life so hard yet you always know how to climb up again? Why do you have such intelligent eyes that always gets filled with curiosity? Why does your laugh make me want to smile forever? Why does your smile make my frown turn upside-down?
Why do you have to be so... perfect?
Why did you make me fall in love with you?
That's it.
I felt hopeless.
Nothing but sorrow and dread is in my mind. Nothing but hurt and...
And love.
Thomas must be lucky to be liked, maybe even loved, by such a perfect boy named Alexander Hamilton.
What if he doesn't love James anymore?
What if he turns down James and be with Alexander?
What if they start dating?
What if they marry?
But I'll always love him.
I'll always be there for him.
Even if I'm nothing more than a best friend.
As long as I see him for the rest of my life.
Damn, that sounded so cliché.
That night I cried and cried.
When I already fell asleep, the first streaks of dawn already filled my room.
And I woke up a minute after with my alarm blaring in my ears.
"John, get up!" Herc pounded at my door.
"Okay. Gimme a few minutes! " I shouted, my voice raspy from all the crying. I walked towards the bathroom. Once my eyes fixed on the mirrors, a pair of sad eyes stared back.
YOU ARE READING
I'll Be There For You ~ Lams College AU
FanfictionNote: I don't know half of what I wrote here. It's cringy, it's old, and it's definitely NOT my best writing. But due to me going all like "oH iT's mY fIrsT fAnfIc! LeMme sAvE tHe mEmoRies", I chose not to take this down. This is not edited in most...
