Try Hard (Lashton AU)

Chapter 9

*Luke's POV*

I hate to admit it, but I did a bad thing.

I've cut off every connection I have with Ashton, and I feel terrible, but it has to be done. I know Calum won't tell anyone that I like guys but if Ashton tells someone and I never talk to him, then no one will believe him.

Here I am, thinking over everything that has happened. From being with Emelina, to liking Ashton. Crushing on Ashton. Ignoring the boy.

Bisexual means I like two sexes, male and female, I never have to date a guy, I'll just always date girls, it's easier. I've never had a crush on a boy and I won't. I never liked Ashton, at all. He's beautiful and sweet and everything I'm not, but I've never had even the slightest crush on him. Nope.

I ignore the older and just walk away whenever he tries to talk to me in school and I blocked his phone number, deleted him off a Facebook and every other social network that I had him on. It takes everything in me to not hug him and stare at him every chance I get.

What makes me feel the worst is that ever since he understood that I didn't wanna be his friend a week ago, he's never smiling anymore. He never looks at me either, he just keeps his head down and the only person Ashton talks to is Michael. I like when he smiles and talks to me. But, this is my fault.

Michael won't talk to me anymore, either. He told me that I'm an asshole and that I should go to hell. I deserve it though, I am an asshole.

I keep asking myself why I'm doing this but I can only think of two reasons, and that's to protect my selfish ass and because it's easier to ignore my feelings. Ashton hasn't told anyone yet (as far as I know) so why would he later?

Guilt starts to rush through me as I realize how much of a dick I've been to Ashton and I grab my phone, going to my blocked list and unblocking Ashton.

I comtemplate whether or not to press the call button for a few minutes before thinking. Well it's now or never, Luke, and hitting the call button.

I slowly bring the phone up to my ear and close my eyes, waiting for him to answer the phone so I can apologize until he forgives me.

"Hello?" I hear from the other line and I freeze.

"Ashton." My voice sounds strained and weak.

"Is this Luke? When you blocked my number, your number was deleted from my phone." He says with a bitter sound in his voice.

"Ashton, I'm so sorry I've been a huge ass lately, I can explain it all though." I explain and I hear him take a deep breath.

"I'm waiting." He says after a long pause but then speaks again. "I told you I was gay, I admitted that to you. I told you things I haven't told my parents and then you just act like a huge prick."

By now, I'm basically swimming in a pool of guilt and my stomach is dropping.

"Come over, I'll explain everything."

"Luke, it's eleven o'clock at night on a Friday night, my parents will never let me come over. And, I highly doubt your parents want me at your house at this time." He doesn't sound very bothered by it, though.

"My mom isn't home, and you can make an excuse. Get here before twelve and we're gonna watch a movie after you forgive me." I say with a final statement.

"If I do, you conceited asshole." With that, he hung up and I took that as a yes to coming over.

I decide to clean up my room a little and put on some sweatpants and a random black t-shirt that was sitting on my floor, but it smells good so it's okay.

I put on my television to distract myself from overthinking until Ashton gets here, and I hate to admit it, but I'm nervous that the feelings I had for him will still be there when I talk to him.

Focusing on the episode of Friends that is on the television, the doorbell rang and I run downstairs but when stop at the door so it doesn't seem like I'm desperate even though, I really am.

I opened the door and Ashton was standing there with a sad expression on his face. His curls were dropping over his eye's and there was a black bandana wrapped around his head. The bags under his eyes were noticable and I couldn't help but frown at that.

"Hey, Ashton. Come in." I stepped out of the way and opened the door a little bit more for him.

"Luke." He nodded and took a step inside of my house and took off his shoes and set them next to the door. I had him follow my upstairs and we walked up the stairs to my room and sat him down on my bed and i sat across from him with my legs crossed.

We just stared at each other for awhile until Ashton looked down and I kept staring at him until he coughed and looked up.

"So," He started, "explain yourself." My eyebrows raised and I nodded.

The guilt filled my stomach again and the nerves danced around in my stomach. But, I realized that this is all of my fault. His eyes aren't golden anymore and his smile has disappeared and I have to own up to my mistake. I look at the boy and see the boy I desire, the boy i have a crush on and my usual confidence overthrew the guilt.

"Let me start by saying that I'm so sorry for making you feel like shit."

"I-" Ashton started but I interuppted.

"No, don't talk until I'm done. I need to apologize." I closed my eyes and then opened them again. "So, after I told you my sexuality, I got scared. Why? I thought you were going to tell people and make fun of me. Stupid, I know, considering you're gay yourself. But, for some reason I thought ignoring you would push my feelings away and you wouldn't feel the need to tell anybody, which, may I add, was the stupidest thing ever and I have thought and I don't even understand why I thought that. I'm scared, okay? This whole thing was out of fucking fear and I've only known you for a few weeks but I feel like I can really be myself around you and my feelings for you hit me like a damn truck. It's not one of those slowly developing feelings that slowly fill your heart, it's one of those things where you see them and talk to them and instantly, you know that you want to be with them. I'm so sorry Ash."

My heart was pounding and I felt like Ashton could hear it but it felt good. I got my feelings out and now the guilt is all gone, sort of.

He just stared at me with a look of adoration and something else that I couldn't really put my finger on. After a few minutes, probably, the outsides of his mouth curled upwards.

"What movie are we going to watch?" He asked pulling himself up next to me and put his feet out while I just widened my eyes, still looking at him.

"That's all? Don't you want to say anything." I asked and he chuckled a little.

"I'll tell you how I feel when I'm ready, Luke. But for now, I forgive you. But, that doesn't mean it was okay."