The River (Laurisa Cimorelli)

Ten: Finding Clues Pt. 1

TEN: FINDING CLUES

LAUREN

LAUREN STARING AT HER WINDOW and witnesses how the sun shows itself for the world to see. Lauren never realized how comfortable the simple bench was before but she's enjoying it now. For the last couple of days, the bench has become her new friend. Being with her through the night, witnesses how Lauren cried while staring at the night sky when she couldn't sleep at night. Lauren hasn't had any proper sleep since the fight happened.

It hurts, everytime she opened her eyes, all she saw was Lisa's angry face with tears and with that, comes also her voice telling Lauren that she's a murderer. The face of her siblings hurted her too. Lauren remembered she stole a glance to her siblings before she ran. Everyone was shocked and didn't know what to do. Lauren's brain keep take their reaction as the sign that what Lisa said was true. All of them. It seems like the secret that they had been keeping for so long just got revealed and they were shocked Lauren found out.

So, Lauren is a murderer?

Lauren kept thinking about how she never want to hurt people. Mostly her family. The fact that Lisa said she's a murderer kept bugging her mind. But like who doesn't? who doesn't overthinking after someone just said that you're a murderer? That's just too much to process. Lauren's body keep begging her to sleep and be normal through the day, but her mind said no. This is definitely the worst conflict she ever had in her life. 

The thing was messing her mind and her body a lot. The black circle around her brown eyes tells how she didn't get enough sleep. Lauren loss her weight, because her body refuses to eat. Lauren hated herself more and more whenever her brothers, sisters, even her parents came with that worry expression on their face. She caused it, she knew. But what can Lauren do? being fake and tell everyone she's okay as she was always do? not this time. Lauren can't even handle herself. She can't control herself.

While being numb and cursing herself inside, Lauren didn't bother to look when her door opened. "Laur, you're up early." Amy said. Even though Amy knows that her little sister didn't even get enough of sleep. She even wondered if Lauren ever trying to get some sleep. Lauren didn't say anything and keep staring outside. Amy sighed, she knew it's useless.

"Lauren, talk to me." Amy pleaded. She sat on the floor with her back leaning on the wall, look up, staring at Lauren's figure. For a minute, there's no answer, just silence. "What happened to me, Ames?" Lauren whispered quietly, it's like she's afraid that people might could hear it.

Amy reached her hand out to grab Lauren's. "Too much going on in my mind, it makes me feel numb." Still staring outside, Lauren didn't feel like she's wanting to cry anymore. It's like her tears are dry, her eyes hurts a lot. "What happened in the past, Ames?"

"Am I really a murderer?" Lauren's voice begin to tremble. Her body shaking a bit just a thought of her ever killed someone. Amy sighed and closed her eyes. "I honestly don't know what happened either, Lauren."

"Don't lie." Lauren didn't bother to look at her older sister. "Enough with the lies. I know all of you had been hiding so many things from me. I probably will never find out about this if I didn't scold Lisa that night. I am so tired, Ames. So tired. Everytime I closed my eyes all I can see was Lisa telling me that I killed somebody and I didn't remember it was making everything even worse."