The Secrets We Carry

Epilogue

13 Years Later

Liv

"Adam, come inside and get cleaned up, please." I yell out to the backyard, watching the little boy running around with mud on his T-shirt and a smile on his face. Hearing me call for him, he drops the soccer ball and races towards me. "Mom, I did it!" He's jumping up and down with such excitement. "I can kick the ball up in the air and then kick it far! I wanna show daddy!"

The sparkle in his eyes from his achievement brings a smile to my face. Laughing at his eagerness to show off his new trick, I guide him towards the stairs. "You will I promise, you can show him tomorrow. Right now I need you to get cleaned up, Uncle Josh and Aunt Ashely will be here any minute." He nods his head and starts racing towards the stairs, leaving me standing watching as he turns the corner and Angela jumps out at him. "Surprise!" She yells as she scoops him up into her arms. Adam squeals with excitement. "Aunt Angela!" He starts giggling as she twirls him around. He instantly wraps his little arms around her embracing her in a long hug.

"Hey little guy, lets get you cleaned up for dinner." James says coming down the stairs. Angela smiles up at James and puts Adam down. He brings her in for his own hug and I smile at the exchange. She had helped him so many years ago when he needed it the most. Their bond had only grown stronger since then.

"Daddy I have something to tell you." Adam calls from half way up the stairs and James lets go of Angela heading up after our little guy. "Tell me all about it." James says as he catches up to him, Adam's excited voice carries down, before they disappear around the corner.

Angela watches them disappear before she joins me in the kitchen. "Can I help with anything?" She asks.
"Nope, everything is ready to go. Just waiting for Josh and Ashley to get here." I tell her as she pulls out one of the stools at the breakfast counter, taking a seat.
"It's crazy how much Adam has grown in the last year and how much he looks like him." Angela points out. I nod.

My sweet little boy looks just like my brother. He has the same green eyes, our eyes. His hair the same shade of honey brown and he even has the same dimple on his right cheek that Adam had. But what gets me the most is his laugh, it's the same contagious laugh, it has the power to make others smile and laugh along with him. My heart swells with love when I think about it.
He has so many of the amazing qualities Adam had and he's only five years old. A part of me feels his presence with him, knowing that a part of Adam is in him. I quickly wipe a tear from my cheek, as memories flood forward.

"You ok?" Angela notices the tear slip out of my left eye. "Yes, it makes me happy to think how much like him he truly is, not just in physical appearance." She gives me a small smile as I say this. "He's a wonderful little boy, he would have loved him very much." I nod at her words, knowing just how true they are.

The chime of the doorbell interrupts our conversation and we head over to the door to greet our friends.
I open the door to reveal a very pregnant Ashley standing with her arm through Josh's. She's due in less than a month, and looking ready to pop.

"Hi, come in." I greet them and we all exchange hello and hugs. Ashley takes a seat on the front bench and Josh bends down and removes her shoes for her. He's so very sweet with her and it makes me so happy that they're together. "I can't wait till I can see my feet again." She says while wiggling her toes and attempting to lean forward to look at them.

I turn around as I hear little feet stomping down the stairs at a hurried pace. "Uncle Josh!" Adam launches himself at Josh almost knocking him back, at the unexpected show of affection. "Oh hey there big guy."Josh grunts out. "Getting stronger, almost knocked me down." Adam starts laughing and Josh joins him while repositioning to hold him so he can turn to see us. James makes his way down and gives Josh a hug, or as much as one he could give while Josh is holding Adam.
He turns to Ashley and helps her stand to give her a hug too.

"Oh wow!" Adam says with awe. "Aunt Ashley your belly's gotten so big." He says pointing to Ashley's stomach. We all can't help but giggle at the innocence of his comment. "That's because there's a baby growing inside." James tells him. "A baby?" Adam says scrunching his face, before it turns into a look of pure shock. "Did you eat a baby?" He looks at Ashely as he asks this, with all seriousness. We all burst out laughing not being able to contain ourselves as Adam asks what's so funny. My eyes water from the laughter before I clear my throat. "Enough with all of us at the front door, come in guys." I say gesturing for everyone to move forward.

We make our way to the kitchen and stand around the island, Ashley takes a seat in one of the chairs. We spend the next few hours eating dinner and laughing.
The guys take Adam out to shoot around the soccer ball and so Adam can show off his new truck, while us ladies sit on the couch catching up on life.

We all keep in touch weekly, if not daily with phone calls and FaceTime. Ashley and I are still incredibly close with her and Josh living only a couple of hours away. It's been a year since we've seen Angela in person though, but every year on the anniversary of Adam's death we all get together to remember him and celebrate his life.

Angela owned three successful clothing shops in LA and traveled a lot to find garments, fabrics and unique clothing from around the world to sell there.

Ashley became an OBGYN so she was very familiar with how pregnancy would be and liked to always take the 'doctor' approach through her pregnancy.
Josh was a pediatric doctor. I know perfect little couple.

Ashely and Josh ended up dating when Ashley was in second year university, finally.
She seemed to be the only one surprised to find out Josh liked her, as if that part wasn't obvious to everyone else. They got married in their third year of residency and soon would be welcoming a little girl into the family.

James became a child psychologist and volunteered twice a week at a male youth shelter.
He helped the boys there work through their past traumas and move forward with their lives.

I didn't know what I wanted to do when I finished high school, so I took psychology in university too but decided to become a school teacher. I now teach grade eleven psychology.
My fathers money paid for mine and Josh's school and the house we now live in.
There's still lots left that we have put into savings for Adam's future.

My father tried to reach out a few times the years following everything but I never wrote him back and he eventually stopped trying. I told him he was dead to me the day he killed Adam and that wasn't a lie. The day Adam died so did he.

It was already 8:30pm which was almost an hour after Adam's usual bedtime. He said his good nights to everyone and asked Angela to read him a book and tuck him in. She was more than excited to do so.

Once she came back down James and Josh made us all hot chocolates, it was Adam's favourite and we start on our stories from the past. The moments we shared and memories we held. We laugh and cry through the memories and stories shared.

As the night continues we finally decide to say our good byes and make plans to see each other soon.
Especially since Ashley's due date is so soon.

After they leave James and I finish cleaning up and head upstairs. "I'm just going to check on Adam." I tell him as he heads to our room. He pauses and walks over to me. Wrapping his arms around me he pulls me close and I lay my head on his chest. "I miss him too." He whispers in my hair. "I know." I say as I squeeze him tighter to me. He pulls me away bending down to give me a kiss. "I love you. I'll see you in our room."
Giving me one last peck he turns and goes into the room down the hall.

I stand in the door way to Adams room watching him sleep. He looks so beautiful and peaceful, his chest moving up and down as he breathes. I walk over and move his honey brown hair off his forehead and lay a gentle kiss. I kneel down on the floor so I'm beside him and take his little hand in mine. Looking at him now I can swear that he looks more and more like my brother everyday. I put his hand down and fix his sheets before walking out.

Leaning against the hallway wall for a moment to recount the events from the night. We all made it so far in life. We left a place that wasn't truly our home to build one together as a family. Adam would have been so proud and so happy now. I still feel his presence with me. Anytime I feel nervous or anxious about something, I can hear his words telling me how I can do anything. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. About the life we had and everything he sacrificed for the life I now have.

"Thank you Adam." I whisper smiling for a moment to myself before heading to my room, to my husband.