The Secrets We Carry

Chapter Eight | Clearly I'm Starving

Adam

I can't stop my body from trembling as I head down the stairs.
I see him there. The monster I call father standing in the middle of the basement.

"Close the door" I turn around to close it and continue my decent into my personal hell.

I want to say something, reason with him but the stench of whiskey is so strong it makes my eyes water and my tongue fall heavy.

He takes a step towards me and I cower away.
His laugh is so loud and menacing, he's enjoying this. Sick bastard.

"Take your shirt off."

I do as I'm told. I know there's nothing I can do to stop what's coming. Easier to be complacent and get it over with.

"Kneel." The command is as cold as his voice.
I'm a puppet and he holds the strings.

I hear him pick something up and know it's the riding crop. I looks over my shoulder and see it in his hands.

All logic goes out the window as my mind begs me to plead for mercy. "Please dad. Please. We can talk about it. Whatever I did. Whatever you're mad about."

"Shut up and turn around."

Grabbing my hair he turns my body so my back is facing him.
"Here." Handing me a strip of leather I know the drill. I stick it in my mouth and bite down. It's sick but it's his odd form of kindness. Or more so to ensure I don't scream.

CRACK

Spots everywhere as my teeth dig into the hide between them.

CRACK
CRACK
CRACK

I moan out through the leather.

He continues with no sign of slowing down.
My body begins to topple forward. I place my hands out in front of me to stop me from falling.

CRACK

I yell but it comes out muffled and I feel drool trickle down my chin.
Screwing my eyes shut I refuse to let the water threatening to spill from them out. I can feel the warm liquid on my back as the skin breaks.
My head is getting light and I'm having trouble breathing.

My world goes black.

I stay sitting on my bed after Josh leaves. I had never seen him so emotional before. A part of my heart chipped away as I watched him breakdown.
Knowing I was the cause of his pain and anguish.

He had never seen me directly after my dad has his time with me.
Broken. Beaten. Bloody.
It was more than he could handle. More than he should have to handle.

Usually when I went to his place after a beating I would clean myself up as best I could. I would only ever go if I thought my dad would come back for more. Or if it got so bad I needed stitches. His mom would stitch me up, asking only a few questions. I would feed her my readily excuses of  sporting incidents. She always accepted them without question.
Maybe it's because she had been doing it for so long. Thought I was some crazed adrenaline sports junkie.

My back is throbbing. Like it has a heartbeat of it's own. The belt is a Sunday walk in the park, compared to his riding crop.
I don't feel blood dripping which means the bandaging they did is holding up well.

I go over to my dresser and pull out a long sleeve henley, carefully slipping it over my head and lowering it over my body. I pick up the jeans I wore yesterday and slip them on too.

The need to get out of the house is strong. I don't want to be here when he comes back home.

I step out into the hallway and look over at Liv's bedroom. Her door is closed.
I walk over and give it a gentle knock.

"Liv?"

I hear shuffling on the other side of the door.
A moment later Liv opens the door. Her eyes are rimmed with red as if she's been crying.

"Hi." Dumb thing to say.

She looks at me with lifeless eyes. "Hey."

"Can I come in?"

Stepping to the side she invites me. I walk over to her desk and sit in the chair. She closes her door, walking over to her bed she sits with her legs crossed under her. She looks over at me waiting in anticipation for me to say something.
I get up from the chair and sit beside her on the bed, taking her hand in mine.
I can see by the expression on her face and the dim light in her eyes that this is slowly killing her.

"You know I'm ok, right?" I say giving her hand a little squeeze and smiling at her.

She looks up at me, scoffing. "Are you? How could you be?"

Her tone catches me off guard. She's usually sweet and soft spoken but her words come out harsh and quick.
"I dunno." I shrug. "I just am. I'm used to it."

"Used to it?" She sighs. "How fucked up is that? To say you used to getting your ass kicked."

I raise my eyebrows at her. She's not one to normally use foul language.

"I just mean how are you so strong?"

I smile as I let out a breathy laugh. "I didn't think I was strong."

"To sit there and say you're not is ridiculous. You're literally smiling at me. Barely concerned about yourself." She narrows her eyes at me. "I know you're more worried about how I'm feeling right now than how you're doing."

"I won't argue with that."

She rolls her eyes. "Ya, you're right. You're not strong at all." The sarcasm drips from her words.

"Hey, what's up with you. You're not normally like this." I turn to face her head on.

"I'm sorry." Her voice cracks as her emotions take over. "Im just so angry at him. At what he does." Her eyes well you and a tear falls down her cheek. "I fucking hate him. I don't mean to take it out on you."

"You're not taking it out on me." I brush the tear from her face. "I'm sorry you had to find me like that. I don't want it to change who you are."

She starts laughing through her tears. "See you are more concerned about me and how this effects me. You should be focusing on you. You're not ok."

"I am ok. Want to know why?" Her eyes search mine as she nods her head. "Because knowing you're here and you're safe, saves me. I know there's a light we will reach at the end of this twisted tunnel, together. He's done worse than today and we both know it."

"That doesn't make it ok."

"I'm not saying it does."

She doesn't say anything as she studies my face. The look in her eyes is a blank one. The light in them that I love so much isn't shining right now. It makes me loath the man we call father even more. He's slowly chipping away at her essence.

My stomach lets out a gurgling noise and we both look down at it. I decide to take advantage of the opening to a change in subject.  "Clearly I'm starving." I say smiling. "How about you go rinse off your face and we go grab a burger and shake at the diner?"

She furrows her brows together. "It's Thursday night, there's going to be so many people from school there. Your face, the bruise."

"I don't care. He's taken enough away from us and I want a shake. So let's go. I'll just tell people I walked into a wall."

"Or a fist." She says as she pulls her eyes away from me.

"Liv, get up wash your face and we're going. Ok?"

I get up from her bed pulling at her hand to do the same.
She looks up at me and I give her my cheekiest smile, causing her own smile to break through the tight line of her lip.

"Ok. Give me 5 minutes."