• 𝑪𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒓𝒔 • k.yh + p.jh •

c o l o r s XIV

It was 3 am when Sungjin woke up. The night was deep and the rain was destroying the ground. Some of the street lights were off and some were on so the image out of Sungjin's window seemed mysterious. The time and weather didn't stop Sungjin to go down into rain and walk around the area. It was quiet since it was night and kids were all sleeping instead of screaming out of excitement or yelling at each other. He liked the smell of the ground in rain. When he was little he and his friends liked to run in the rain even though the next day they all got a fever.

He was walking down the alleyway when someone caught his attention. The man was all wet. He couldn't walk properly and swung side to side. Apparently, he was drunk. Sungjin approaches him when he noticed another fell and landed on his ankles landing hands on the ground. He ran up to him and tried to lift him a little to walk him. He took him to Sungjin's apartment.

Sungjin threw man on the couch. In this rain, he couldn't see his face. The features were so familiar. Something hit him when he looked at those eyes. The scent of alcohol met Sungjin's nostrils. This man laying on the couch seemed painfully familiar. Those cat eyes, pretty mouth, and sharp features. Black eye bags were visible as man groaned and swung side to side.

"Why am I here? I didn't ask of being kidnapped."
Said boy and rubbed his eyeballs as he stretched but failed to stand up.

"Hey, I won't do anything. I just noticed you're pretty drunk. May I help you?"
Asked Sungjin and took a pain-killer. While another refused to listen.

"I don't need your help. Let me go!"
Whined man and tugged on another's shirt.

"No... I'm medic myself. I'll take care of me without you!"

"I'm a psychologist, I'll help you with a drinking habit. I'll help you to find a reason for it!"

"No you won't ever understand me! Let me go already"
Other whined as he tried to stand up. Surprisingly he didn't fail and tried to survive other medic's grip.

"Please. Just talk to me, it will be easier for both me and you..."
Said Sungjin with a sigh and sat on a chair near the wooden table.

Another refused a bit but after a minute of standing still he approached Sungjin and sat across. They looked at each other. Another man was extremely drunk. Eye bags were making his visual more impressive as his eyes radiated hopeless energy.

"You seem stubborn, but I wanna help so don't be shy and don't think I would judge you. Open your heart."
Said Sungjin and smiled unconsciously. The other had a mixed reaction. At first glance he looked careless because he was drunk. But on the other hand, you could see a bit of nervousness in his stare.

"Fine. I've been thinking about my condition. It's hard to understand others. I've been wondering how other people experience things. How they embrace different moods that I can't."
Sungjin listened to another and something kicked his mind again. This statement was so alike to things he tried to fix in people.

"Go on"

"Recently one person confessed to me... I still don't know what to feel... like his words still play on the string in my mind. I'm used to be neutral to others' feelings but this guy... he made me experience things I didn't for a while."

"So this guy makes you feel special."

"Yeah... recently I thought to become a better person and try to understand what he feels towards me. No one did for so long, it felt so different knowing that someone loves you..."

"Wait so you don't have anyone besides this guy?"

"Uh I do. I have a really good friend... and coworkers, but this guy loves me."
Said the man as he fidgeted cloth.

"I'm Sungjin and you?"

"Younghyun."

This name. Finally. After years he finally met beaten up boy at the back of orphans' house.

"That Younghyun..."

Younger glared are him silently. He wasn't sure about who he was talking about. Sure, there were a lot of Younghyuns in Korea. Maybe he misunderstood him.

"That... with Alexithmya"

"Is it a big deal?"
Younghyun rolled his eyes at the sentence. Everyone seemed to know about it. It is not a clinical diagnosis, and mental health professionals do not consider it a disorder, although it may occur alongside some mental health conditions. Younghyun had plenty of them. Stress, but of anxiety, worry, and childhood bullying. He didn't remember how he passed exams to study at university for medicine. But he was in relief cause it was a profession where you didn't need any emotions to guide you.

"No. You don't understand... I'm a psychologist. I may help you to develop some emotions but you'll have to cooperate with me."

Younghyun glared at him and blinked a few times before he realized what another meant.

"So I hear you wanted to become better. It's great that you've started going out more and have hope. But we'll need more effort. I recommend to do journaling to track with your emotions. A journal can also help you document your physical responses and emotional patterns."
Sungjin stopped for a second to them continue

"One possible step towards emotional recognition is to start being mindful of your own physiological responses. Some research has suggested the importance of beginning with your heart rate. Notice whether your heart rate goes up in certain situations, and explore the possibilities of why this could be."

Younghyun just sat there silently. It looked like he was rethinking all of his life decisions. It wasn't him that was a problem, it was society and mean people who made him come to this. Because as Sungjin said, Alexithmya wasn't clinical diagnosis and it occurred with other health conditions. But a good thing to say, Jae and Dowoon was the reason he wanted to move forward. He wished to become more familiar with Wonpil and be more understanding of coworkers who were amazing people.

"I start to remember you Sungjin... but it was so long ago, everything is foggy. You were the boy with an orange backpack, weren't you?"
Sungjin smiled a bit. He dedicated his profession to this boy, not only him but for other people, who suffered from hard conditions.

"Yeah...I hope we'll meet another day also. But first, it's raining outside and second, it's 3.30 fricking am. Stay over and leave early so you won't be late for work. Even though we have the same route."

"We can grab coffee with my nurse, Jae, and then go to work because we work at the same place."

"Wait the guy who confessed to you is your nurse?"

"Yeah and he's a quite good person though."
Sungjin formed little o with mouth and then guide Younghyun to guests room cause it was really damn late.

Clearing things up🤧 also happy Independence Day for my country💖 I'm getting pretty unmotivated these days. Hope you'll have great day and you enjoyed reading my fic. Don't be ghost readers...vote and comment😔💖 love any of you supporting me