Just A Little More

The Happiness

10. Just A Little More

...

She's crossing her arms, staring blankly at me. Her face is unreadable. I sighed deeply.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito" malumanay na tanong ko.

She didn't say anything kaya inulit ko ang tanong.

"Shan anong ginagawa mo dito?"

"Me? Oh I'm just freaking waiting here for who knows how long. Ang alam ko kasi na nag-iisa ka lang dito but it turns out that you have plans tonight with that brunette bitch. So did you have a wonderful night oh wait I forgot its already morning" she said in full of sarcasm.

Nanahimik ako. I don't know what to say. Hindi ko rin inaasahan na maabutan ko siya dito sa bahay.

"Seriously, Re? Wala ka man lang bang sasabihin!" she shouted.

"Alam mo ba kung gaano ako nag-alala? I keep calling you but you're not picking up your phone. Did you know how much that scared me? Na baka maulit na naman ang mga nangyari. I'm so scared that this time you will be gone for good, I'm afraid that I won't be able to see you again. Dahil hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko! But tonight you give me another to be scared. Why Re? Why are you doing this?"

Tears streamed down her face, at hindi gaya ng dati hindi ko ito magawang punasan. There is something that keeping me from being near her.

"Anong gusto mong gawin ko?" nanghihinang sambit ko. "Pagod na ako, Shan"

Tila nawalan ng kulay ang kanyang mukha sa kanyang narinig. Pagod na ako, nanghihina, at pakiramdam ko anong mang oras ay hindi ko na makilala ang aking sarili. Natatakot ako.

"What do you mean?" her looks soften but tears keep streaming down her face.

"I'm exhausted from everything thats happening. Hindi mo ba nararamdaman, Shan? We're keep running in the same circle, nakakapagod na. Pero--

Napahinto ako dahil sa pagkabasag ng boses ko.

"Bakit ayaw ko pa ring huminto kahit pagod na pagod na ako? Bakit hindi ko magawang sumuko? Kaya mo bang sabihin kung bakit kasi ako hindi ko alam"

Tanging mahihinang hikbi nya ang pumaibabaw.

"Shan, p-please" I pleaded

Please stay. I couldn't voice out those words. I'm afraid. I'm too afraid. Dahil alam kong wala akong karapatan hingin iyon sa kanya.

"I can't let you go" mahinang iyak nito.

"Then don't"

"I'm selfish Re, I want you only for myself"

"Then be it"

"I don't want you to stop"

I cupped her face and wiped those tears.

"I don't want too" I whispered.

Niyakap nya ako, hindi ko alam kung gaano yun katagal dahil ang alam ko lang huli na para sakin ang huminto. I just get used to it, used to her.

"You should rest" sambit nito habang nakapikit.

Pagkatapos ng nangyari kanina pareho na pagpasyahang magpahinga at bukas na lang mag-usap, we're both tired.

"Re?"

"Hm?"

"Who was that girl?"

"Sino?"

Napamulat na ito at tinitigan ako ng masama.

"Alam mo kung sino tinutukoy ko"

"I don't know her, a free ride?" hindi pa siguradong sagot ko.