Just A Little More

Shan

20. Just A Little More

...

Nakangiti ako habang pinagmamasdan ang mga inihanda ko. Napahawak ako buhok nang umihip ang malakas na hangin. Sabi sa balita kaninang umaga ay malaki ang tyansang umulan ngayong araw but thankfully the sky is clear. I tuck the loose strands of my hair behind my ear and sat down in the blanket.

I prepared a picnic date for our second anniversary here in the cliff . Yes, today is our second anniversary. I can't believed it too.

I reminisce what happened the night she brought me here. My lip pursed a smile. Kinuha ko sa basket ang maliit na kahong naglalaman ng regalo ko para sa kanya. I know she hates presents but I'm sure she's going to like it. Muli ko itong tinago sa loob ng basket. Last time she asked me to sing but tonight gusto kong sya naman ang kumanta.

"Shan"

Napalingon ako kay Alexa nang tawagin nya ang pangalan ko. May bahid ng awa ang kanyang boses at puno ng pagaalala ang kanyang mga mata.

"Umuwi na tayo, Shan"

I shook my head.

"Ano na lang sasabihin ni Re pag dumating sya?"

"She's not coming, Shan. Umuwi na tayo, bumubuhos na ang ulan magkakasakit ka nito" pagmamakaawa nya.

Muli akong umiling. No. I know Re, she will definitely come. I'm sure of it.

"I know she will be here" matigas na sabi ko.

"Please Shan, tama na umuwi na tayo! We've been here for fucking twelve hours!" sigaw nya sabay ng pagbuhos ng malakas na ulan.

Pareho kaming basang basa pero hindi kami natitinag nito. She's wrong. I know Re more than anyone. She loves me that's why she will come.

"Just a little more, p-please" I swallowed when my voice cracked. Pilit kong nilalabanan ang nagbabadyang luha.

"No, Shan. Tama na! Wala na sya, Shan! Apat na buwan na, apat na buwan na ang nakakalipas nang umalis sya ng walang paalam. Please Shan let's go home"

Napahikbi ako dahil sa kanyang sinabi. It's been four months when she disappeared without a word. Parang sinaksak ang puso ko ng paulit-ulit. I can't stand the pain, it's killing me.

"She will be here. Let just wait. May-maybe she got s-stuck in the traffic or she lost her way-- omygod I should call her baka kung mapaano na sya" natatarantang bulalas ko habang dinampot ang phone.

Bumungad sakin ang wallpaper ko na syang picture naming dalawa.

"Let's go home" malumanay na muling sambit ni Alexa.

Naguunahan ang mga luha ko habang nakatingin sa oras. It's 1:39 am.

No. This is not true. Re loves me right? She won't leave me like that. Mahal nya ako kaya hindi nya ako iiwan. Nangako sya. Sabi nya hindi sya bibitaw.

Napahagulhol ako nang yakapin ako ni Alexa mula sa likuran.

I love her. I'm willing to do everything for her. Pero bakit ganito? Saan ako nagkamali? May nagawa ba ako na hindi nya gusto? I can change it naman sabihin nya lang. I'll be better for her. Did she get tired of me? I won't nag her anymore just come back.

Because I can't live without her. She's everything to me.

Please.

Please come back to me, hon.

********

"You promised me to wed,
So would I 'a' done, by yonder sun, 
An thou hadst not come to my bed" 
-Ophelia