BREAKING | rafe cameron

FIFTEEN

I entered the hospital, my nerves bouncing all over the place, this decision will change our life's. "Just have an open mind." I whispered to him as we rounded the corner the NICU coming into view, all of a sudden the lights started flashing in the hall. "Code blue, crib seven, code blue." I froze in place, nurses and doctors running past us. "Charli?" Rafe questioned, looking at me, he caught me as my knees went weak, I heard those all too familiar heels running down the hall. "Charlotte, honey oh I'm so sorry." Jessica came up next to me, kneeling on the ground with me, that was his crib, that's him. "What does a code blue mean?" I cried out, but at the same time there were no tears running down my face, I was just heaving on the ground, trying to breath but I felt like I was getting no air. "They lost his heartbeat, but they're trying to bring him back." Jessica explained, standing up, motioning to Rafe to help me up, "come on, Charli." He whispered, pulling me to my feet, I let go of his hands as soon as I stood. "Don't touch me." I snapped at him, I felt anger towards him, if he had spent less time arguing with me, I could've been here, I could've done something, anything. 

Jessica escorted me to the door, the doctor looked at his team, and then the clock, I saw him speaking but refused to hear the words. "Miss Landry, I'm so sorry for your loss, we did everything we could." The doctor spoke to me, but I just nodded, tears flowing down my face, I swear I could hear my heart shattering into a million pieces. I ran over to the crib as the nurse looked over at me, I sobbed over him, no more wires, or tubes. Rafe came over to me, wrapping his arms around me as he looked down at the baby, I could hear him sniffle over me. I fought against his grip, but he refused to let go, holding me tightly until I allowed myself to completely unravel, sobbing into his shirt. Why me, why? 

***

I sat staring at the tv, nothing was playing, it was blank, not even turned on. It's been about six hours since he died,  Austin, I named him for the death certificate. Rafe was at work, I forced him to go, I wanted to be alone, and suffer in silence. It took me yelling at him to get him to leave. But now I wished he was here, I laid down on the couch, I haven't eaten anything today, barely drank any water, despite the amount of tears I've shed. Before I knew it, I was passed out on the couch, surrounded by crumpled up tissues. 

I jumped at the sound of the doorbell ringing repeatedly. "It's Topper, open up!" I heard, I furrowed my eyebrows, looking around, it was nearly dark outside, and still no Rafe. I ran over to the door, yanking it open to see Topper, struggling to hold a very drunk Rafe up. "What happened?" I asked, taking in the sight in front of me, Rafe's fists were scraped up, blood covering his knuckles. "He called me, freaking out saying something about he died, and I found him beating the shit out of a brick wall." Topper explained, I pointed to the bedroom, "just put him on the bed." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose, I entered the bathroom, grabbing the small trash can, placing it by Rafe's side of the bed. I put a water bottle and ibuprofen on his nightstand as Topper tried to get Rafe on his stomach, in fear of him throwing up in his sleep. "What was he talking about?" Topper asked, moving away once Rafe was laying down, already asleep. "I don't want to talk about it." I sighed, "you can leave, I'll take care of him." Topper didn't hesitate to leave when I said that. I wanted to cry, but I had no tears left to cry. So I climbed in the bed next to the sleeping boy, the events of today running through my mind, how can so many bad things happen to me in one day?

It was currently two in the morning, Rafe is hurling into the trash can, while I pretended to be asleep, facing him away from him. I had a few tears running down my face, "Charli?" He asked softly, but I didn't budge, "baby, I'm so sorry, I should have been there today, I shouldn't have gotten drunk, I completely forgot how horrible it feels. I love you." He whispered, burying his face in my neck. I let a sob fall past my lips, "shh, I'm here." Rafe held me tighter to himself as I cried. "It's my fault, you got drunk because of me." I felt immense guilt, if I hadn't asked about the baby, he wouldn't have freaked out. "No, no, look at me." He tilted my head to meet his eyes, "don't blame yourself for this, never. It's my fault, instead of telling someone that I felt like drinking, I just did it. I'm sorry, I don't ever want to do this to you again." He kissed me softly, I nodded as he pulled away, "okay, I love you, I love you." I whispered, rolling myself over to face him, he held me close to him all night. He was there to pick up all the pieces, even if he helped to break them. 

a/n I'm sorry this chapter is so short, I went back and forth on which story line to write, the next few chapters will start getting better I promise