Soju Writers Critique Shop

WHAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR

BOOK TITLE: What I've Been Looking For
AUTHOR: @mjayzelle
RATINGS: 9 / 10

TITLE:

Unang kita ko pa lang sa title, it made me really curious kung ano ang laman ng story or what lies beyond these words. Nice title you've got, along with the genre. Yung tipong unang tingin mo pa lang parang gusto mo na siyang basahin... Hehe~

BOOK COVER:

-I admired the book cover- really. Sumakto ang book cover mo sa title ng story, since your title uses a sense of sight, and you used a woman with her eyes staring at the reader. I really don't know kung bakit ito ang napili mo- baka ito yung itsura ng main character ng story o may iba kang nais ipahiwatig sa cover na'to, but I'm impressed.

BLURB / SYNOPSIS:

-About this one, suggest ko po sana na dagdagan pa po ito ng descriptions, I mean okay po sana kapag direct-to-the-point yung description niyo about the story, but you should try to add some phrases na makaka-attract sa mga mata ng ibang readers. It's okay to be long, huwag lang masyadong malalim.

CHARACTERIZATION:

-I don't think there will a problem with this one. Okay yung pag-characterized ng characters, well-described siya and I can say it really is a big thumbs-up.

DIALOGUE AND NARRATION:

-Okay lang din ang dialogues at ang pagsasalaysay ng kwento, watch out lang po sa tenses, but overall you've impress me. Good job. 

GRAMMATICAL AND TYPO ERROR:

-Punctuations... As always, dito tayo minsan nagkakamali and I know that. But, unlike other stories, (not to offend po ha?) Ito po yung story na tanging hypens or dashes (-) lang ang mali. I saw a lot on chapter 6- pinupulot niyo po ang mga salitang di dapat putulin:

"Nang-a-asar" should be "Nang-aasar"

"Pang-a-atake" should be "Pang-aatake"

And lastly, yung "Naka-simangot"- no need na po itong gamitan ng hypen. It can be " Nakasimangot" only.

Wala rin namang problema sa grammar- I see you're really good at Filipino language, pero watch out lang po sa tenses, that's all.

ADVICE, THOUGHTS:

-Um, meron lang po akong isang advice: try to understand about sa paggamit ng si/sina and kay/kina. Marami po akong nakitang ganito sa story mo. Well, just some tip:

(Si) is used kung one person lang ang dine-describe mo.

Ex: Nagyaya (si) Lei na kumain sa akin.

(Sina) is used kung two or more persons ang dine-describe mo.

Ex: Masayang nagtampisaw (Sina) Reine at Ysabelle sa ulan.

Same thing din po sa kay/kina. Ginagamit ng (kay) kung one person lang ang nagmamay-ari ng isang bagay, lugar, tao, atbp. And (kina kung two or more persons.

Ex: (Kay) Yllia yata itong bag na ito.
     
Ex: Oo na, ibabalik na lang itong libro na'to (Kina) Syndra at Silvia bukas.

I hope it can help. :)

OWN OPINION:

- Una sa lahat, gusto pong kitang bigyan ng award (Charot) I mean, i-congratulate dahil sa isang mahusay na pagkakagawa ng story mo. I may not say it's the best story among others, but I can say it's one of the best. Continue mo lang po ang paggawa ng bagong chapters, I always like the twists in every part so keep up the good work lang, and lastly, thank you, dahil dito po kayo sa book club na'to nagpa-critic. Continue to inspire other people through your stories, and god bless you po!!!

CRITIC BY: Orieleiro20

"Drink your soju sulkkun!"