BOOK TITLE: Mary Tenten in Mario’s World: Tenten’s Self Friendly Journey
AUTHOR: ClaireMari29
RATINGS: 9/10
TITLE:
The title is really radiates fantasy vibe however it’s really long. I am not discouraging you to not use the title. This is just a feedback.
BOOK COVER:
I really highly suggest that you change it because the font plus the font color is not really enticing and not readable.
BLURB / SYNOPSIS:
It is okay. However, I don’t really like that you are not using proper capitalization in two specific paragraphs, the one which started with letter a. The first sentence in very difficult to comprehend please rephrase.
The blurb construction is good. Please, follow my suggestion and you are good to go.
CHARACTERIZATION:
You write your character arc well. How experiences have changed them.
DIALOGUE AND NARRATION:
Polish your sentence construction. Refrain from using ellipsis, comma, and semi-colon. Sometimes doing complex sentences is hard to read. Also, learn to weigh if you need another sentence. I know you’re still learning to writing english novels so start with simple sentences.
When you use semi-colon, the next word to it shouldn’t be capitalized.
GRAMMATICAL AND TYPO ERRORS:
Just re-read. I suggest that you use google docs or grammarly to correct basic grammar errors.
Review the ff: SV agreement, proper use of had/has/have
ADVICE, THOUGHTS:
I really find it extra hard to write fantasy novel because you have to explained your setting everytime. You can’t just said a “room” because it will be bland. Noticed everya fantasy movies, you’ll be able to create a proper setting. You can draw as well.
OWN OPINION:
Honest opinion, it is really discouraging for me to read something when my eyes hurt because of the writing style. Please, try to fix it. Make it appear formal. Remove unnecessary ellipsis, iyon lang yung sobrang nagpabother sa akin habang nagbabasa.
Good point, honestly, I like how imaginative this fanfic is. I also like the character herself. Thank you for writing this story.
I'm giving feedback based on my own liking / preferences and writing rules. I'm only giving feedback based on the technicalities of writing and if it catches my interest. Plot wise your story is great because it's your own idea, beliefs, and experience. It's a part of you. Keep the passion burning!
CRITIC BY: si-huli
"Drink your soju sulkkun!"
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