All That Is You

Chapter 14

I found myself looking in a mirror, but all I could see was a shadow gazing back at me. Skin and bones and cracked lips supporting hollow eyes. A ghost of the girl I used to be.

I didn't even know how Levi could stand looking at me. How could he acknowledge that I was his mate? How could he even accept me after seeing all that I am?

Bruises were splattered all over my alabaster skin. I could practically trace all of my veins with how noticeable they were against my paleness. Evidence of that man's fury was painted over my throat, a vicious crimson in the outline of his hand. Silver scars stood out against my skin, varying in size from all the years of my father's hatred.

My skin hugged my ribs and it seemed as though you could count every bone with how malnourished I was. I felt tears well up at how disgusting I was. Memories of how that man had grabbed my hair and dragged me through the house surfaced. I gripped the sink under the mirror, a surge of anger rushing through my veins as all the fragments of the abuse that I had endured came to mind with every bruise imprinted on my skin.

The sound of the shower brought me back to reality and I stared at myself for a moment longer before a burst of energy shot through me. I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath.

I furiously searched around the bathroom for a pair of scissors and found one lying in a cabinet drawer. I combed my fingers through my damp hair one last time before clutching the scissors in my hand. I reached up and gathered a handful of hair, sliding my fingers until it reached just above my shoulders. Without a moment of hesitation, I chopped my hair off, watching as my dark locks fluttered to the ground and with every snip of the scissors, a weight disappeared from my shoulders.

I kept going until my hair was short enough to reach the middle of my neck and while it looked messy, I was content with my work. I swept the fallen hair up and threw it away into the trash bin before slowly climbing into the shower.

The water ran over my skin, washing away years of dirt and blood with every scrub and I felt better than I had in years. The cuts and bruises stung as the water pounded against them but it was soothing to know the pain rushing through me wasn't being caused by the hands of another. I scrubbed my skin until I couldn't feel the ghost of their fingertips anymore. I felt weightless. I felt new. I felt free.

I lathered body wash all over me and rubbed shampoo in my hair and a burst of happiness shot through me when I realized it smelled like Levi. The warm water brushing against me did nothing to replace the emptiness I felt at the lack of Levi's touch.

Once my skin had turned pink from the heat of the shower and my vigorous scrubbing, I quickly turned off the shower and grabbed a towel from the cabinet. I wrapped it around my body and stepped out of the bathroom only to collide with a wall. I stumbled back and regained my balance, rubbing my nose and my forehead with the palm of my hand.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, Rain," I looked up and saw Levi staring at me apologetically before he glanced down at my towel-clad body and just as quickly looked away, a blush creeping over his face. "I just came up to tell you I finished cooking dinner."

My face flushed under his gaze and he abruptly shoved a shirt, sweatpants, and a pair of boxers into my hands and hurried out the door, closing it behind him. I almost wanted to laugh but instead, I shook my head and dried myself off.

I slipped Levi's shirt on and was instantly comforted by his scent. It was large enough that it hung off of my small frame and almost reached my knees. Seeing as how there was an obvious size difference between us, there was no way the sweatpants were going to fit so I simply folded them back up and put them in his closet. I settled on putting on the boxers and hoped that Levi wouldn't mind that I wasn't wearing his sweatpants.

I padded my way out of the room and down the stairs, approaching the kitchen. Levi was sitting at the dining table with a faraway look in his eyes and his head in his hands. He was deeply pondering something, I just didn't know what. His head snapped up the moment he heard me and his eyes brightened and all of his worries seemed to melt away.

He walked up to me and took a lock of my hair in his fingers. I bit my lip and stared at the ground, unsure of what to say.

"I like it," he grinned. "This way you can't hide your face from me."

I snapped my head up and felt heat brush against my cheeks. He grabbed my hand and brought me over to the table. He had made a huge bowl of spaghetti and it looked delicious. My stomach growled at the thought of food which made Levi chuckle. I hadn't had anything but unidentifiable mush and poisoned water in years and I wondered what good deed I had done to deserve an actual meal.

"I know it's not much, but I'm not that great of a chef and this is one of the only meals I know how to cook. Plus I figured spaghetti would be more filling than cereal."

He sat me down before heading back into the kitchen and grabbing two smaller bowls and forks. He began scooping out each of our portions with his being considerably larger than mine and placed my bowl in front of me before settling down with his.

It smelled mouthwatering, but I couldn't help but hesitate until Levi nudged my shoulder and nodded towards the food, "Dig in."

I picked up the fork and stabbed at the noodles before bringing it to my mouth. Levi watched me for my reaction and his eyes twinkled when I hummed in appreciation. It was an explosion of flavors and it seemed as though I could taste every ingredient that had been used. To my disappointment, I was only able to eat three forkfuls of spaghetti before I was full. I sat and watched as he ate, my eyes locked on how his Adam's apple moved with every swallow, only to glance up and see him furrow his brows in concern as he turned towards me.

"Why aren't you eating?" he questioned. "Is it not to your liking?"

I quickly shook my head and mumbled, "It tastes great. I'm just full."

"Rain," he softly murmured. "Do you remember what I told you about how you're malnourished?"

I nodded my head and played with the ends of his shirt as he continued, "Well, we've gotta try and get your weight back to normal. And the only way that can happen is if we slowly ease you into a normal diet so can you please try and eat two more bites?"

I picked up the fork and hesitated until he said, "Please, little moon. It would make me very happy."

My stomach churned as I shoveled the forkfuls of noodles into my mouth but I pushed it down. Levi watched me intently as I ate with a soft smile on his face. He reached up and used his thumb to swipe some sauce off my cheek, leaving a trail of heat behind.

"Thank you," he said, finishing up my leftovers and placing our bowls into the sink. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

I nodded and he pulled me into the living room. I sat down on the couch while he went to go get a pile of movies for me to choose from. My eyes widened when I saw how many he had. I couldn't help but get excited since I hadn't seen a movie in so long.

I sifted through the choices and noticed that almost all of them were Disney movies. My fingers fumbled as I narrowed down which ones I wanted to watch and I paused when I landed on a movie I remembered watching as a child.

It was Mulan. I traced my fingers over the cover before handing it to Levi. I remembered jumping around and stick fighting with my mom, pretending that I was Mulan, a warrior whose features matched my own. Growing up I had never really seen girls like me in the media so when Mulan came out, it instantly became my favorite movie. While I wasn't fully Chinese, my mother taught me to be proud of my heritage as an Asian American, and this movie brought back happy memories of the child I used to be.

The movie began playing and bits and pieces of the scenes started to resurface in my mind. Despite the excitement I felt at being able to watch a movie, my fatigue took over my body and slowly my eyes began to flutter shut. I felt my body lean onto Levi's and I shivered at how warm he was.

I felt his arms creep around me and soft lips against my head but before I succumbed to the darkness, I heard him whisper, "I'm not leaving you, I promise."