there for me (shourtney)

i.

Courtney pov -

It wasn't like I was mad at Ian, I was just tired and I wanted to leave. 

We were just about to wrap another Super Mario Party when he made a small comment to Olivia about her new puppy. She beamed and gushed about her Grizzy to the cameras. Everyone fawned as she talked about the pup falling asleep with her little tongue out.

Again, it's not like I was mad. But a pang of emptiness washed over me. I clenched my jaw a few times, but I was sure to keep a smile. Even if it was fake. I knew the cameras could for sure catch how tired I was, but I didn't need the comments filled with 'is Courtney okay?'

For a moment, I thought about Jango. I thought about how small he was when he was a puppy. How I held him. And how everyone here loved him. I knew that I did the right thing when I brought him up to Utah. But I couldn't help but feel a sting of envy when Olivia talked about Grizzy. Let me go.

Damien yanked me from my thoughts when he started with the outro, asking if anyone wanted to plug anything. I glanced up and met the camera's gaze. Letting out a soft laugh. 

"Alrighty guys, I think we did it." Damien said looking behind him at Shayne, Sarah, and I, on the couch.

"Wait!" Mari shouted as she stood up from her chair next to Damien. "Hop on over to Smosh Games after you watch this video!" She laughed and high fived Damien who was nodding vigorously. 

"Yes do that!" He pointed at the camera.

"And be sure to click on my face for another fantastic video we've selected just for you." Ian chimed in. Olivia, sitting next to him, playfully clapped her hands in front of his face.

"Just for you" She echoed to the camera. She tried to sound intimidating, but she couldn't help laughing at herself.

"Yeah, all you guys watching, we can see you," Shayne said. I could feel his weight next to me on the couch shift as he leaned forward to reach a hand out to the camera between Ian and Olivia. He hesitated for a second before leaning back and putting his hands behind his head. "Come here often?" 

Everyone started laughing after someone yelled cut. I couldn't tell who. I was up and out of the studio before anyone else got up off of the couches and chairs. Shayne's signature high-pitched laugh rang in my head as I closed the door behind me.

I stood with my back pressed against it for a second. I closed my eyes and ran a hand through my auburn hair, pausing at the nape of my neck. I shook my head and made a bee-line for the main room where we all kept our things. My tiny, black backpack was thrown carelessly on a beanbag chair by the window. On brand.

I snatched it and I grabbed my phone from Monica's charger that I borrowed. I was too exhausted this morning to remember to grab one. To top that, I had sat in my car for a few minutes trying to figure out why my engine wouldn't start - my keys were inside on my counter.

I did one more glance around the room to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything. I lightly pushed my glasses up my nose and headed out the door to the staircase. 

I heard the door from the studio open just as I gripped the handle to the staircase door. Heavy footsteps bounced off of the walls and down the hall to the main room I was just in. But before I could catch who it was, I was already in the staircase and going down.

I tucked my black shirt into my jeans as I headed down, a nervous fidget. The fabric wasn't sitting right. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my jaw. I wasn't going to cry. Not here. Not over a goddamn shirt. I breathed in and out a few times then I pulled my bag across my chest to grab my keys. I hit the last step and threw my bag back over my shoulders.