there for me (shourtney)

xlviii.

courtney's pov -

Olivia glanced over her shoulder back at the group sitting under the umbrella just off of our stairs. Sand almost glistening from the heat. 

"So, you and Shayne talked? What's his deal?" She asked. Bright sun in her eyes. 

"Honestly, I think he just needs a break. And a 'break' would mean religiously being at the office. Doing the comedy shit he loves." I said. A distraction.

Olivia nodded. "So a little pause from here?" 

"I guess. Mainly from Kora and Jude." I hesitated. I mean, we live here. "We watched Jude last night. Last minute. And when they were coming over to the house, a fan stopped Shayne. No harm, no foul. She was nice. Talked about the channel. But it sounds like Shayne got protective."

"So do you think that whole thing today was residual?" She asked, looking at me.

"I do. And I don't think me wanting to invite Jax and Sam over helped at all." I sighed. Guilt bubbled in my throat.

"It was just too much." Olivia said quietly. Confirming Shayne's behavior. I nodded. 

"It was. And I wish he told me that he was overwhelmed." I palmed my forehead. "I would've backed off ... "

"Court, you can't control his emotions." Olivia gently reminded me. I can fucking try.

"I know. I know I can't. I just wanted him to tell me what he was thinking. He got sharp and the wrong message came out. He made it out like he didn't want to see the kids anymore, instead of -"

"He did?" She wrinkled her nose. 

"He did. And he built it up instead of saying, 'hey let's take a break and look at our future'." 

"It really just sounds like he needs a break from the kids. And I'm not saying that to be a bitch." Olivia said, small waves lapping at her feet.

"No, I get it. You're right." I exhaled. "But - Liv - he didn't mean that necessarily. Don't get me wrong, I know he needs a break from them. He needs it. But the whole thing simmered down to him - to him wanting his own family." I bit my tongue. 

"His own family? Like his own kids?" She looked at me. Shoulders rotating to face me.

I nodded. "Yeah. His own kids."

"Wow. Okay. I can understand why you'd be sick of the mixed messages." She laughed. A hint of pity laced her tone.

"But still, I don't blame him. He's still on edge from meeting the fan with Jude. Doesn't excuse him being an ass, but I get it." I said as Olivia nodded. "I just - I called him out when he said to stop bringing them over. And he was like 'they're not mine'." 

"'They're not mine'?" She echoed. "Damn Shayne." She sighed and shook her head. As if trying to unravel his psyche. 

"Yeah. It all piled up to that moment. And it made sense. He got protective of Jude and I think he realized he wants his own little family." My heart thudded as I talked. "It just - uh - it just came out wrong."

"Wait." Olivia said. Touching my arm lightly to stop me. We stood in the foot-deep surf. "What do you want?"

"I don't know Liv. I mean I know I want to be with Shayne, but I don't know about kids. I mean I love Kora and Jude. I guess I do want my own family. But it just seems real, you know?" I crossed my arms across my chest to guard myself. I babbled.

Olivia smiled. "What do you want, Courtney. You know." I took a small breath. 

"I want a family." Ease tumbled over my skin. "But I need to talk to him. Make sure we're on the same page. It's a huge step. And we haven't even gone public. Even at work, dude, it's just 'understood'. I can't have -"

"Relax." Olivia grinned and laid a soothing hand on my bicep. "The point is, you know what you want. And the beautiful piece about this whole life thing is that you get to live it how you want to." She squeezed my arm before letting go. "And say you guys want to start a family, that doesn't mean it has to be right away. Do what feels best."

I sighed and looked down at my feet. 

"What about, like, marriage, dude?" I avoided her eyes. 

"What about it? You said yourself it's always been Shayne and Courtney. Do whatever you guys want. No wrong way. Elope. Rings. No rings. Big ceremony. No ceremony."

I looked back up at her, bringing her into a hug. Resting the side of my head against hers. 

"You are the best person in the world, Olivia. I needed this. Thank you." I patted her back then let her go, we turned to walk back.

"Of course. You know I'm always here." She smiled. "Always."

"Ditto, my guy. I owe you." I said. Olivia shook her head 'no'.

"You don't owe me anything." 

"Love you, Liv." I grinned. I'm so, so grateful for you. 

"You guys are gonna figure it out. I know it." Olivia beamed.

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