Digging up old memories

Chapter 5

Lisbon's POV

It was late afternoon when Jane finally strolled back into the office. She locked eyes with him from across the room and nodded her head in the direction of the private office agents used to make personal calls. He nodded and headed there to meet her. He was already in the office, sitting on the edge of the desk when she walked in feeling very annoyed all guns blazing. She realized that she was spoiling for a fight with him.

"What the hell, Jane!" she said frustratingly. "Give me my postcard back!"

"I'm sorry, Lisbon. I know you're upset... but trust me when I tell you, that you will be happy I took it when I did," he said remorsefully with both his hands up to try and calm her down.

"What load of bull are you on now?" she asked as she crossed her arms.

She could see that Jane was nervous. He was fidgeting with his hands and biting his lower lip. He blew out a breath and ran his hand through his hair.

"Look, it's obviously been a long time since you've looked at this postcard and it may be a shock when you see it. I didn't think you'd want Fischer witnessing that – so I took it. But it will be a bit of a shock," he said pleadingly.

"Jane – don't you think you're being a bit dramatic right now. I was twelve. I might have romanticized the boy a bit... but how bad can it be – does he have devil's horns or something?" she said, thinking Jane had lost his marbles.

"Not exactly," she heard him mutter.

He frowned and then he handed her the postcard. She saw him put his hands on his hips and look down at his feet still fidgeting. He never does that. He always looks at people in the face so that he can read them. Why is he avoiding her gaze completely? Her heart raced – what was on this innocent looking postcard from her youth?

She slowly turned it around and looked at it. It looked familiar, it didn't appear altered. She could see all the hearts she'd drawn on it and the name she'd written on it - the one she couldn't remember earlier when Kim had asked her - 'Patty'. But now that she was looking at it through the eyes of the full-grown Teresa, she felt the blood drain from her face.

In the picture she could see an adult male with his arm around a young teenager with a trailer in the background with the sign 'The Boy Wonder'. She felt acid burn in her throat. She was very familiar with it because it had been mentioned in the biographical info for Jane in the Red John case. He was the boy she had kissed. It was as plain as the picture... that was Jane on the postcard, his trademark smile and eyes, youthful, but him... she flinched as her memory of the boy and the actual reality merged together.

She felt hot tears prick her eyes. Her head felt full of cotton wool.

"Just when I thought you couldn't possibly... I- I- there's no words. You reach into my past and wreak havoc there as well! Here I thought I was getting my first kiss and instead I find out after all this time, that I had been conned... by the best no less. At least there is that," she said quietly. "I was just a- a- mark!"

"No! It wasn't like that Teresa-" he said with a pained look on his face. "Let me explain."

"How long have you known? That's all I want to know!" she asked. She couldn't feel her limbs and her body felt like it was vibrating. "When we first met?... When?" He must have recognized her when he met her again... he never forgot a face – that she knew.

"When I saw the picture, today-" he said moving towards her, but she backed up.

"Don't lie to me. You expect me to believe that you didn't know who I was all this time? That you didn't recognize me?... My name?" she asked incredulously. She could feel hot tears on her cheeks.

"You told me your name was Reese-" he started again. But she cut him off.

"Forget it! I can't do this. You ruin everything Jane! My career, my life and now my happy memories! Just stay the hell away from me!"

Her words hurt him – she saw them land like blows to his face, but she was just so angry that she couldn't hold back.

She left the office and forgot where she was for moment, then realized that she had to go through the bullpen to get to the washrooms. She tried to compose herself, but the tears were just spilling of their own volition. Dammit! She paused in the hallway and she felt him pause behind her. She wiped her face with her hand and her renewed anger dried her tears instantly. Without looking back, she left.