Digging up old memories

Chapter 15

Lisbon's POV

Jane was fast asleep. She'd been disoriented when she'd woken up to the feel of him sweating and shivering while he groaned and gnashed his teeth. He appeared to be having a bad dream and it had been hard to wake him up. She watched him now in the dim light emanating from above the cabinet... everything had changed between them in the last few hours. They went from partners to lovers and she still didn't know how he felt about her.

Until a few hours ago, the most Jane had ever touched her was a hug and those were few and far between. He'd told her how important she was to him and she knew that he cared deeply for her as a friend and considered her family and he was obviously as attracted to her as she was to him, she didn't think he could fake that... but she wanted to be loved by him as well and that's what scared her.

She realized as she watched him sleep that she was completely and utterly in love with him and she couldn't settle for anything else. She's not sure when it had crept up on her, but she recognized the feeling and knew it to be true. She found herself hoping that tonight wasn't about holding on to her because he would miss her, but because he loved her. To her, there was definitely a difference.

Her legs were numb from his weight and she tried to re-adjust herself, so she could semi-recline and get some sleep. As she stretched her legs out, he moaned and pulled her tightly to him. His eyes fluttered open and he whispered 'please, don't go'. She froze as he snuggled closer and re-positioned his head on her belly with his arm across her legs, essentially pinning her down. It wasn't uncomfortable, so she grabbed his pillow and closed her eyes. She stroked his hair again loving the way it felt between her fingers and slowly felt herself fall asleep.

Lisbon creaked open one eye – it was bright, and she closed it again. She couldn't move, and something was tickling her... she reached down and felt Jane's hair. She popped open her eyes as she remembered last night and saw that he was kissing her belly.

He snaked up her body and propped himself up on his arms above her.

"Good morning sleepy head," he said with a devilish smile and suggestive blue eyes.

He bent down and kissed her sweetly. He was lightly fluttering his hand along her ribcage and down to her hip, then to her belly. This was definitely the best way to wake up in the morning.

"Humm... do you have any idea how good you taste..." he said as he sampled her neck with another kiss and then licked her from her collar bone to behind her ear kicking up her libido into high gear. She bucked her hips in his direction and she heard his chuckle near her ear. He grabbed her thigh pulled her against him intimately, so she could feel his erection.

"Good morning to you too," she said as she started kissing his chest and his neck, completely forgetting her resolve to find out how he felt about her because she wanted him again.

They made love and this time Jane had taken his time. Sex with Jane was both playful and intense, she wondered if it would always be that way. He was so affectionate with her and she hadn't expected that because of how aloof he always appeared. He went from barely touching her to being in constant contact with her and she loved it. She was tucked back into his embrace facing him. He had his eyes closed and he was smiling.

"I can hear you thinking from here, Teresa," he said and opened his eyes to look at her. "What is it? What's bothering you?"

She shrugged not knowing where to start.

"Don't make me read you so early in the morning... trust me... talk to me," he said gently.

She chickened out... instead she went to a safer subject... at least for her.

"What happened last night?" she asked.

"Umm... I see. Switching the subject," he said with a knowing smile. "Hmm... last night I was hungry like a wolf and I had my way with you. That's what happened."

She giggled, and he kissed her.

"That you did... but I meant after... you were, um, shaking, sweating, moaning, I could barely wake you up," she clarified.

"That... ummm... sorry about that. Night terrors is the official diagnosis with a dash of panic disorder. I don't get them as often as I used to... actually it'd been a really long time since my last episode. I think, rehashing the past, however brief, is what triggered it. My childhood wasn't exactly ideal. I find that it's best left alone," he said matter-of-factly.

She read between the lines and got the message that he was not going to be discussing his childhood with her and it stung a little. She wondered what had happened that night of their first youthful kiss. But in true Jane fashion, the past was hardly ever discussed, including his family. She wondered if she could accept that she would never know that part of him. If living in the present was enough for her, as Jane usually liked it.

"Teresa... what's wrong?" he asked again. "Don't hide from me."

"It's just... I'm realizing how little we know of each other's past-" she started.

"The past is gone, it's done. It doesn't change anything to talk about it. Ah... it's just unpleasant don't you think. I have enough of that in the work we do, the people we deal with, the world we live in without adding my past to the mix. My skeletons are buried, and I don't want to dig them up," he said turning on his back away from her.

That went downhill fast she thought. He was pulling away from her and it scared her. She leaned over him and kissed him. "Okay," she said.

"I'm sorry," he said as he played with her hair.