Digging up old memories

Chapter 12

Lisbon's POV

"What did I say? I don't remember," she asked.

Jane grabbed her hands and held them firmly.

"You said that parents aren't supposed to hit their kids... that you knew plenty of kids whose parents had never hit them. That they should make them feel loved and safe. And... that being hit didn't mean that I deserved it and to never let myself think otherwise. You were so fired up in my defense. You didn't know me, and you were trying to protect me." – He looked in her eyes to make sure she was absorbing what he was saying. – "Nobody... I mean nobody in my life up to that point, had ever done that – try to protect me. It never occurred to me that it wasn't normal... I had never questioned it, because no other adult in my life had ever said anything to me about it. They all knew what my father did, and no one ever said anything."

"Jane..." she started.

"Look... it surprised me when you said that at the time... but... I was also a randy 14-year-old who saw a beautiful girl all fired up with bewitching green eyes. You were standing so close to me and I had the urge to kiss you and I did." – He was smiling at her with his eyes dancing. – "I stole a kiss and you were shocked – do you remember that?" – She nodded. – "I thought that maybe you'd hit me for a second, but then you reached up and kissed me back. Then your mother started calling you and you smiled at me, said 'bye' and ran off."

He was still smiling down at her and gazing into her eyes. She understood now that she hadn't been a mark after all. She could feel the heat on her cheeks from blushing and she was smiling so hard it was hurting her face. He was still holding her hand and it was doing all kinds of things to her. As ridiculous as he looked in his costume, all she saw now was Jane. Her old witty partner... and she wanted him to kiss her again. She needed to know if there was anything between them worth exploring. But instead he let go of her hands and rubbed her arms instead. His smile dropped a bit and he looked pensive.

"Those words meant the world to me and they stuck with me..." – He maintained eye contact. – "after... when things got bad... I would hear your words and it made me feel strong on the inside. Your words were like a light in the darkness for me. That you had cared... They gave me strength to believe in myself, that I was good enough. When my daughter was born, I never wanted her to feel what I felt, ever. You gave me the words that I would say to her every night before she fell asleep, like a mantra, to remind myself that she should never know that feeling... and I would tell her, you are safe, you are loved, you are wise."

She started to cry... it was like a floodgate and she couldn't control her tears and he was emotional too.

"So, you understand why I had to do what I did tonight. I needed you to know all the good that you did for me... how important you are to me. You saved me all those years ago and again after my family was killed. Before you go to D.C., I didn't want there to be any doubt of how important you've been to me," he choked out. "And I'm sorry that I wasn't very good at showing you how important you were in my life. It was just very scary to feel that way and admitting it would mean that I would have to deal with it and I couldn't deal with it."

She hugged him then as tightly as she could. Their life had been intertwined since they were kids. It was crazy to think of it now how unlikely it was that they would find each other after all those years and not realize who they were. This man that drove her crazy for years is part of the fabric of her life... stitched in so many memories. She'd been fooling herself into thinking that she could move on and forget him. She didn't want to.

"Jane... I need to know why you kissed me the other day," she asked.