A Court of Stars and Shadow

Chapter 11

I hit the level where my room was and found my shoulders sagging with every step. Gosh, I was so tired. I opened the door to my room with little more than a shove of my shoulders and didn't even make it to my bed before I collapsed. I plopped onto the soft rug on my knees and arms and I couldn't help the tears that came out of my eyes. I crawled the two steps it took to get to the end of the bed and leaned against it. My back against the board, I brought my knees to my chest and cradled my face in my hands. Sobs racked my body; the ugly kinds that made my body shake and my nose run. I wasn't really sure why, I think everything is just finally hitting me.

After a couple minutes I began to relax, and my sobs became sniffles, I leaned my head against the board just as I heard footsteps outside my door and then two soft knocks. Mor's head peaked in through the door with a smile but then it fell when she saw my face. She rushed inside and kneeled in front of me, placing my hands in hers.

"I came in to see if you wanted to go shopping but you look like you've just seen a ghost." I couldn't help but let out a little laugh as I whipped a hand across my nose. "I just..." "I know" she said rubbing smooth circles on my hand. "No one expects you to go through this alone. It's a lot, especially with your power." I nodded, not having the strength to look up at her, some tears escaped my eyes.

"Hey, look at me" with a shaky breath I peered into her face to see her bright eyes looking into mine. A small encouraging smile was on her face and the edge of her eyes crinkled. "There you are. You are strong in here" she said placing a finger on my chest, on top of my heart. "Everyone knows that, we all know it, you don't always have to put a mask on, not here, not with us."

"I just don't know what to feel" she paused, letting me think, figure out my own thoughts.

"I remember my life at home, in my world, and all I want to do I go home. But then I look at this city, I spend time with you guys, and I love it here. I think I'm falling in love with this world and it hurts because I feel like I'm betraying my life. How can I just drop everything and just leave them, I've been gone for a week now and every day that passes, I lose more hope about returning but there's a tiny, tiny part of me that doesn't care about not going back. Does that make me a horrible person?"

"Only you can answer that Luna, but no, I don't think so. For what it's worth I think no matter what you decide in the end, if you figure out a way home and you take it, we'll support you, but if you decide to stay... I can think of a few things to make of you yet." She said with a large smirk on her face. "Feyre goes shopping with me but at the end of the day she always chooses my cousin. I think it'll be nice to have a girlfriend who isn't shackled to one of the males here."

I laughed then, a genuine smile on my face.

"Do you think I'm here for a reason? Like the way Feyre came?"

She contemplated the question for a second before answering. "Maybe, I think the mother has a cruel sense of fate. But I think no matter what happens we'll make it out of this together, all of us; we always do."

"but I'll tell you what I told Feyre. There are good days and bad days, don't tell the bad days win."

"don't let the bad days win" I said at the same time she did. Her smile echoed mine.

"You know my favorite saying then"

"Know it! It's the only thing that got me out of bed some mornings when my dad beat me up the night before."

She blinked at me, the only sign of surprise she would show. I don't think she realized how far of an impact those words had so I added, "In my world, we have events, sort of like parties where everyone dresses up in their favorite book characters. A lot of people dress up as you Mor, dress in those long scandalous dresses and embrace every curve because you inspire so many of us: your story included."