A Court of Stars and Shadow

Chapter 22

"Someone better tell me what the hell is going on" I breathed still looking at Mor. Feyre stood from where she was crouched over her sister and took a tentative step towards me, palms exposed.

"We were going to tell you the day of the meeting"

I took a step away from her and hurt passed her eyes, almost too quickly for me to catch it but I didn't have time to feel guilty; not now.

"What does the prophecy say?" I asked to anyone in the room. Rhys opened his mouth but Amren beat him to it. From the corner of my eye I saw Nesta asking Mor and Az if Elain was ok. I should be doing that, making sure Elain was ok but my selfish needs kept me waiting for Amren's words.

"vines and leaves save us all. World. Gift. Queen of rocks. Stop. Strife.

At my confused face she added,

"It wasn't so much a prophecy as it was random words."

I didn't know what to say. It could be a bunch of nothing if it wasn't for the 'vines and leaves save us all' and 'queen of rocks' part. Never mind I haven't completely mastered my rocks yet. I hid my shaking hands behind my back and opened my mouth to speak but a small whimper came from my left. I looked just in time to see Elain's eyes flutter open, Nesta fanning her face with some papers.

"Are you ok?" Feyre asked, crashing to the floor next to Mor and grabbing one of Elain's hands. Nesta shot her a look that Feyre obviously ignored but leaned back a little, allowing Nesta to comfort Elain. Still a line it seemed where Elain was concerned. I hadn't had the time to see what had happened with Nesta exactly on her trip with Cassian to the Illyrian camps; other than the obvious mating bond.

"The prophecy" Az carefully asked, pushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Nesta hissed at him but Elain carefully sat up clutching her head and turned to me.

"Before seeing those words was like trying to talk under water but now, now it's like someone whispered it in my ear. 'A day will come where all is lost but vines and leaves save us all. Another world, a new gift, queen of rocks and life to stop the strife.'"

I sucked in a breath. The room held its breath as the final and complete words left Elain's lips. Pieces of a puzzle I still did not understand were laid out in front of me, in front of all of us. I could tell Rhys was piecing them together by the look in his eyes, but I refused to touch them, to acknowledge what it meant. Helping them with the war, fighting with them, I could do that. But saving them all, doing it by myself, no, it was too much, I couldn't do it. I took a step back from all of them, then another, and another until my back hit the wall; No, not a wall. I knew who it was before I turned around, the magic in my blood singing; Cassian. I slowly turned and peered into his face; his fingers wrapped around my elbow.

"How long" I croaked out; my voice wobbly with emotion. His lips thinned and an emotion I couldn't place crossed his eyes, his face, his body. He seemed to be full of anger and sorrow and, and guilt?

"How long" I said again, my voice breaking as tears streamed down my face.

"When you got here, when you fainted in the living room and we put you in bed. Elain came to us a few hours later."

They've known the whole time I was here. The whole time and didn't tell me. They didn't trust me. Feyre and Mor didn't trust me, my friends who I had gotten so close to. My carranam didn't trust me.

I took as step out of his embrace and my lips wobbled as I shook my head. I was a fool, a fool for thinking they trusted me as I trusted them. I was a weapon; they were only making sure that weapon was honed and ready for battle. They have their little family, I don't know what made me think that somehow, I was beginning to be something for them too. I wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand and strode for the door. Each step I took I could feel the vibrations under me, the very foundations this house was built on; nothing but rock and dirt. I reached the door and turned the handle, exposing the long hallway and the staircase at the end.

"Luna" Feyre's voice pleaded from behind me.

I stopped but I kept my back to them all. I needed time, I needed space to work this out without a bunch of immortals breathing down my neck. I took another step.

"Luna please" Mor breathed. A ruffle of clothes sounded from behind me, Mor standing up from the floor. I couldn't face her. She had reminded me so much like Emily. Even during our shopping trips, it was like Emily's soul in another body. I thought she at least would be a friend. I sniffled and took another step, preparing to walk in the hallway but it was the next voice that stopped me dead in my tracks.

"L". Cassian, my carranam. My power equal. Cassian was more than just a friend. Not in the way Nesta was to him or Feyre was to Rhys but, he was so much more than just a friend. My carranam. We went through so much in such a short time. I thought we could take on the world together, I thought we could be untouchable. My carranam, who had fought for me so hard during the meeting. Was it because he wanted me to stay for the same reason I want to stay? Or for this reason.... To save them.

I turned my head and faced them all, making sure my eyes met each of theirs. Making sure they all saw the hurt and pain in my eyes, in my tears as they rolled down my face. And just because I could, because I was a cold hearted bastard I spoke the words that I knew would make them hurt just as much as me, make Feyre hurt. 

"Don't use me like a pawn. And if being one is part of my work for you, then I'm done. Done." It was the same words Feyre had yelled at Rhys when he used her as bait to the attor behind her house. And I knew by the way Feyre flinched that I had hit hard. I didn't care.

I shut the door behind me, walking down the hall, my feet moving before I even knew where I was going. Each step I walked down I replayed everything since I got here. Did I miss the signs? No, every memory I have is... is happy. My hands turned around another nob and my eyes cleared the thoughts running across my mind to see Emily standing in the middle of my room. She starred at me, the tears running down my face, my curved in shoulders. She had seen this before, after that day with my father that still haunts my dreams. She rushed for me and I stumbled into her arms, crashing to the floor and crying into her shoulder.

Emily ran soothing fingers down my back and hair, rubbing in small circles.

"What happened" she whispered into my ear, pulling back so our eyes met. I shook my head and struggled to stand.

"Walk with me" I asked her, holding out a hand for her to follow as I took a step towards to hallway.

"Where?" she said, already placing her hand in mine as I led her through the hallway.

"Through Velaris. I need air."

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I'M BACK! Sorry I took a little vacation there. But, you have me for a while now so there should be many, many updates soon. This ones short and not the best but needed I guess. 

What did I miss these past few weeks?

xoxo,

-S