A Court of Stars and Shadow

Chapter 43

The tent flaps ruffled behind me, but I didn't move from my position on my bed.

"Luna"

I grumbled into my pillow.

"Luna, I'm sorry" Cassian began again but I didn't budge. I was lying face down on my bed, head stuffed in my pillow.

"Go away Cassian, I'm not in the mood for your comments" I said, the pillow muffling my words.

He snorted softly and came to the edge of my bed, the mattress tilting slightly as he sat.

"L. I'm sorry. I came to-"

He couldn't even finish his sentence and I realized what this really was about. I turned my head slightly so one eye peaked from the pillow cover, his eyes were dark.

"Do you want to talk about it? whatever happened on the mountain or even Carnel"

He couldn't even say his name without scowling.

I sat up.

"Do you really hate him that much?"

"I think there are other males I would have rather you mated with instead."

"I don't have a say in that matter Cassian. Besides, he's different when you get to know him"

"That may be so, but I don't know what you see in the prick"

I rolled my eyes. "of course, you don't. Is this the only reason you came Cassian? To bash my taste in men?"

I didn't care if I was being rude or snappy, he should have known that before he came in here, before he teased me when he knew I wasn't having a good day.

"No L, I'm not good with this stuff but I- I didn't want to hear it from someone else first without you telling me, without making sure you were ok, so, who do I need to torture"

"I killed him."

He opened his mouth to continue but I cut him off before he could.

"I killed him but not before he ran his hands all over my body, teasing, testing, torturing me as I was pinned under him like a bug under a shoe, not before he spat in my face and ran his lips across my throat" my hands were shaking but Cassian's body was trembling with restrained rage. I tried to keep the horror out of my eyes to calm him.

"But I killed him. I dug a dagger into his throat and watched as his blood leaked all over my hands."

I hid my hands under my thighs to keep myself from looking at the dried blood under my fingernails. Feyre had conjured some water so I could at least clean my hands as best I could before the meeting, but I had missed spots.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."

"I don't blame you Cassian, not at all. You were doing something important, something useful." He wanted to interrupt me at that, but I didn't let him. "It's my fault anyways, I failed you. Couldn't even beat 6 lousy soldiers without using my power."

I dropped my head a little and he picked up my chin with a firm finger, pure determination in his eyes. "Listen to me L, what happened to you is never, and will never be your fault" he said, half a growling as he continued to fight against his anger. "I do not expect you to be a professional fighter in just a few months, it took me years, years Luna before I was even considered good enough to fight in the training rings. You're a natural L, give it a couple more months and you'll be able to fight 10 males blindfolded without having to touch your powers." 

That is if we made it out of this war alive.

My lip wobbled and he smiled slightly.

"And about being useless, if I hear that come out of your mouth again, I will personally throw you in the Sidra because we both know that is far from true. You saved so many soldiers today by dragging them out so the medics could get to them. You helped us get the two major advantages we needed in order to win that battle. And when you finally unleash yourself onto Montesere L, the world will tremble under your power. But I do not care if you were drowning in power or had no power at all because I would still love you either way. Your power is not what makes you useful to me or anyone else, it's what's in here" He finished and gently poked the area over my heart. A tear escaped my eyes and I pounced on Cassian, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my head in chest, he ran a soothing hand down my hair.

"I never knew you could be such a teddy bear" I mumbled into his chest and he laughed, the motion rumbling through my body.

"Why are you and Carnel fighting?"

"I haven't told him about the prophecy yet"

I pulled back to see his confused face.

"The prophecy? It's just a couple words Elain mumbled saying you would be the key to beating this war, and with your powers we know why"

I swallowed hard and he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Unless that's not all this is about. The prophecy is connected to something else isn't it?"

I nodded wordlessly and he continued.

"Your vision, when you were unconscious for days, you brought me to the roof top and made me swore to make it out of this war alive. I had never seen you that scared before Luna, not even now with what happened today. It has something to do with that doesn't it?"

I nodded again and he sighed, bringing up his own pinky in the space between us.

"Make me a promise then, that you will make it out of this war alive, that you will make it back to me in the end."

I stared at his pinky for a couple seconds before bringing up my own and wrapping it around his, squeezing tight. We brought our mouths to our hands and kissed them softly, sealing the promise.

Satisfied Cassian smiled and stood from my bed, ruffling my hair and made to leave my tent, most likely to prepare for the battle we were supposed to be heading to any second now actually.

"Go find that mate of yours Luna. He'd butcher the entire Montesere army as long as it meant you were safe, that sort of male doesn't appear every century."

I smiled largely at him.

"Is that why you haven't killed him yet?"

He stopped before dropping the flap of my tent.

"yet" he replied with a small smile and left me in my tent.

The minute the tent flap dropped I dropped the smile on my face and uncurled my crossed fingers behind my back. I didn't tell him that rule in a pinky promise, that if you crossed your fingers a promise was void.... he didn't need to know.

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Next chapter is going to be long and good!

xoxo,

-S