𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 ᶠⁱˡˡⁱᵉ

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m,

i miss looking in your eyes.
the way they lit up your face.

i miss the way you would turn around and smile at me like i was your favorite person.

i miss being your favorite person.

this is my fault.

draft saved to fwolfhard@gmail.com
10/30/19
1:18 am

mills

i wanted to tell you a countless number of times.

it was summer and we were swimming in the lake with gaten and caleb at midnight.
i was scared to jump of that rock so you held my hand.
you looked into my eyes and whispered,
'i'm never letting go finnie.'
and we jumped.
when we came back up for air you squeezed my hand tight and said,
'see? now wasn't that fun?'
your eyes danced from the thrill of adrenaline.
i wanted to say it right then and there. to hold your face in my hands and tell you that i love you.

i wanted to say it when you called me at four am to tell me about this band you discovered.

you saw i had just woken up and immediately felt bed. your cheeks turned red and your voiced softened, apologizing like you could ever make me mad.

when i said it was okay you told me about this amazing band and i laughed at you because whenever you talk about anything you're passionate about you lose all sense of time and reality.
i wanted to say it in that lull where we were both half asleep, just looking at eachother.

"i love you"

but i knew that you didn't love me back.

it would ruin our friendship.

that was too important to ruin.

so i kept my feelings hidden.

i tried to untangle myself from our friendship slowly but i couldn't.

i had to cut you off entirely or i was going to say i love you and you would have to say you didn't love me back.

i like to think i saved us from more hurt, but this sucks millie.

i'm sorry love.

draft saved to fwolfhard@gmail.com
1/19/20
3:09 am