Thy Art | Park Seonghwa

8.8

( 🎵 Dean Lewis - Half a Man )
A/N: I honestly don't know whether or not the pace for this is right but I can't keep dragging all of you in circles so be prepared to cheer or may *sads* for this one.

Eunji had always love the idea of publicizing her relationship with Seonghwa. Showing off her ring at any chance she got, linking her arms around his if they were to walk, only meeting him outside so each time they do, it'll be a date. All of these had made the man a little too surprised when she asked whether or not it was okay for them to talk in his apartment. But nonetheless, he had went home early from visiting his friends and waited for her at home.

The lass came after dinner, when the clock strikes 8. Seonghwa opened his apartment door as soon as the bell rang and there stood, a Son Eunji that looked the same yet different at the same time. She didn't have her head held high this time, her shoulder was slumped and her hair was slightly frizzy. He moved aside to allow her in and she took off her heels immediately after.

"Have you eaten yet?" Seonghwa asked as they were walking into the living area and she didn't spare him a glance, merely giving him a small nod as a respond.

She sat on the couch first as he went to the counter to grab them both two glasses of water before joining her. She took the cold transparent glass into her grip, slowly chugging down the clear liquid. "Hwa, I've been thinking."

"Thinking about?"

"Us, this marriage, your feelings, my feelings, our parents, the company," she listed it down for him, all the while he kept his eyes on her as she sat facing forward. But she adjusted her position and turned to the side to look at him and forced out a smile before uttering her next words. "And after a while, I got so exhausted I decided to give into what's right."

"Eunji, what are you talking about?" he was still slightly confused, head tilting to the side as he questioned.

"I love you, Hwa," she confessed, words after words ever-so-clearly escaping her lips. It felt nice to finally be able to say it after all these while. After two years of them being in an engagement with an empty shell. "I love you so much. I love you just like how you love Yunhee. I love you as a man, not as a brother, just like how you love Yunhee as the woman that she is. I love you as much as you love Yunhee."

"Eunji, I-," the lad didn't know what to say. He was served her feelings right out on the table all at once and it was overwhelming for him.

"I know you've only ever seen me as a sister," she continued, "because we grew up together and that's bound to happen, right?"

"Eunji, I...," he trailed, "I'm sorry..."

"You don't have to be," she replied, "I'm the one who's supposed to be sorry." Her words were followed by a pause before finally getting back into it. "For being a bitch, for not respecting how you feel, for pushing this whole marriage on you.. for hating Yunhee though that remain unchanged and for everything else."

"Our hands were tied, there was nothing we could do about this," he remarked, "you don't have to be sorry."

"My dad would've listened to me if I said I didn't want to marry you," she blurted out, "I'm his daughter, Hwa. He would've granted everything I wanted. If I wanted to not marry you, he'll allow me to not. But I wanted to marry you. I still want to now and probably will for a long time." A painful smile made its way onto her lips and she was trying her best not to cry.

"But I can't force this on you anymore," Seonghwa didn't realize his head was tilted down but as he heard her words, he immediately looked up, "I can't force you to continue on with this anymore because I'm getting tired too. Seeing how your expression contorts everytime we talk about this marriage, pains me."

"What are you trying to say?" he queried, not wanting to get the wrong idea.

"Let's talk to our parents," she told him, firmly. Eyes welled up with tears and lips slightly quivering. But again, the thing about Park Seonghwa was, he could never afford being the reason behind someone else's sadness.

"Eunji, I'm sorry," he once again said, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for hurting you." Seonghwa couldn't look into her eyes when he said it. His head bended down once again with bangs covering up his face and if anything he was looking at his folded leg.

"You never hurt me, Hwa," she assured him, "I was the one who chose not to let you know about my feelings although I tried to show it. And even after you asked me to have faith in you, only for it to be a lie, I know you did what you did so I wouldn't have felt betrayed or sad or angry or do something I might regret and if anything, I have to thank you for that. For being so considerate."

"But still," he once again repeated, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for never trying to make this work. I'm sorry for not noticing how you feel even after you wore your heart on your sleeves. I'm sorry for not making you happy."

"Hwa, look at me," she commanded and he slowly lifted his head up, eyes looking into her tear-filled ones. Seonghwa could feel a million needles poking at his heart. The guilt, the overwhelm, all the feelings he felt at that moment, every single one washing over him like a merciless wave. "You agreed to this engagement before, and that alone has made me happy. And then you held onto my hand as we walked around the mall, went out to lunch and dinner with me, allowed me to be the reason behind one to two of your smiles, and all that combined, made me more than just happy."

"But I'm hurting you now," Seonghwa couldn't let go off that and she knew that was going to happen. He could never watch someone break apart infront of his eyes. That was probably the reason why her tears were still sitting on her lids, she didn't want to crumple down completely. "I'm hurting you now, Ji. And fuck, I'm... I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry."

"You've been selfless all your life, Hwa," Eunji could see how his eyes were glossed over, and it was mirroring her own, "while I have always been selfish with my choices. I wanted something and I wouldn't have cared about what others felt for as long as I got what I wanted. And you've never been happy before, not until Yunhee came. Even though she made you selfish but I think it's about time for you to be so. And it is time for me to step back and be selfless for once."

Seonghwa was silent, the room was quiet after she finished uttering her words and she could see him looking back down. Eunji moved slightly and he could it feel through the dips on the couch and she stopped when she was sat right in front of him. "So can I have one last hug?" she requested with her arms already wide open.

He took her into his arms, and for the first time with something genuine driving him to do so. He could feel her rubbing his back gently as he could only bury his face in her shoulders. "I'm sorry, Eunji," he muttered, "you deserve a man who could love you with every bit of his heart and nothing less. You deserve a man that could give you happiness out of the sincerity of his heart. Make sure to find someone that could do that for you, yeah? And thank you, for loving me."