Perfect Chaos || An Eminem Fanfiction

Chapter 32. Not Afraid

"This is stupid" Marshall whined "I hate it here, just let me come home"

"Marshall, it's been 2 weeks, you have to stay the duration in order to be detoxed and rehabilitated" Paul said, with a annoyed tone, sitting across from Marshall who was sitting on the chair.

The had come to visit Marshall at the rehab centre, he was determined to stay come home.

"Ella, please baby just let me come home, I'll do an out patient or whatever, I can't do shit here, everytime I leave my room someone's on me"

Ella say next to him, she didn't feel right, she knew that it was important that he followed the program, but his pleasing eyes made her break.

"Is the possible Paul? Can he put patients from home?"

Paul hesitated and gave Marshall a concerned lingering stare and then sighted "Fine, I'll make arrangements" he then got up and left the room.

"I'd rather be with you, I don't feel safe here, I hate not being with you"

"I know Marsh, we'll get you home, get your comfortable"

"I prefer your cooking anyways"

"I'll still have to follow the dieticians orders you know that right? For both of us"

Marshall rolled his eyes "Are you seriously, I'm fucking starving here"

"Marsh I'm underweight, I need to make sure I'm at a healthy weight, they think I have an eating disorder"

"What?" He looked at me confused "What do you mean an eating disorder??"

"No I don't have one, I've just had other things on my mind that I forget you eat"

He looked like he was winded "Other things like me?"

"No, it's not you, the point is I have a diet I have to follow" She said and stoked his back "The Dr said your organs almost all shut down so your heart is pretty much working overtime, you're at risk of a heart attack, you need to trust me and follow the diet they've set up for you"

He nodded in defeat.

"I know it's hard Marsh but all this" Ella said waving her hand "Will pay off and you'll be back to yourself, an even better self, I promise"

"I've been trying to write again" he said pulling the notepad of the bedside and handing it to Ella.

"That's great Marshall! I'm so happy for you"

"It's hard, I'm still struggling with words" He said as he rubbed his face with his hands "The words are there, I just can't find them anymore"

"You'll get there, just keep it up" Ella said leaning in kissing Marshall's cheek "We will move on from this, everything will get better, I know it"

———

Things seemed to have been going well at home with Marshall's recovery.

That's what Ella was telling herself, she knew it was a lie, everything was going well, untill Marshall had tore his meniscus and had to have knee surgery, and that had been and gone.

She was finding Vicodin pill bottles hidden.

Ella was digging through the drawers in the en-suite, pills bottle, that's fucking typical.

She wasn't sure if it was the state of emotions she was in being as heavily pregnant as she was, but suddenly she was pissed.

She normally felt guilty for feeling like that but she really was pissed, she glared at the multi coloured pills as she dumped the century bottle down the toilet and flushed.

She was angry at Marshall

Angry that he was an addict.

She know it was irrational to be angry at him over that reason considering some people just struggled with their demons, and she was well aware he was one of the.

She was more angry that he was giving up.

And she was really angry that he would put himself in the position to overdose again, he barely made it last time.

She closed the lid of the toilet and sat down and cried.

She heard a light knock on the door, quickly wiping the tears she cleared her throat "Yeah?"

"Ella? It's Hailie, dad said the foods here"

"I'll be right down, thanks"

It was silent for the moment.

"Are you okay" Hailie voice came again, kind and concerned.

Ella splashes her face and opened the door to be greeted by the teenagers blue eyes.

"I'm okay Hai, I was just freshening up" Ella said forcing a smile.

Hailie gave Ella a smile and suddenly wrapped her arms around Ella's heavily pregnant body, engulfing her completely for a moment.

"It's gonna be ok" Hailie said quietly before stepping back and walking out of the room.

It hurt her to see his daughters having to deal with something so dark, it seemed they were the rock that kept Ella together, she was determined to keep Marshall alive.

———

April 20th, 2008

Ella awoke to Marshall sitting on the bed next to Ella, staring at her.

"Marshall are you ok?" She said sitting up as fast as her belly would allow her, checking the clock "It's 3 am"

"You know I love you and the girls right?"

"Ofcouse I do Marshall, why are you talking like this?"

"And our son, I can't wait to he's born, I mean I don't remember a whole lot of the beginning but... you know"

Ella started to panic "Marshall what's wrong?"

"I just was thinking about everything, I um, I'be been taking the pills again and I don't know when it happened but I've been taking more"

"I know, I've noticed the bottles"

"I'm back up to what I took before the, you know... I don't know what the fuck one doing" Marshall said gripping his hair "Ella I'm fucked up and I don't know how to stop"

Ella watched as the man she loved fell apart in front of her, the tears running down his face.

"Ella I'm an addict, I need help, I don't want to die and leave everyone behind, i don't want to let my fans down, I don't know what to do, I..." He said rubbing his hand over his face "I don't want to be fucked up for the birth of my son, I want to remember everything"

Her heart caught in her throat, she couldn't believe her ears, she placed her hand on Marshall's back.

"It's okay Marsh, we'll get you all the help you need, the first step is admitting you have a problem" Ella said softly, feeling Marshall cringe under the word.

But he wanted help, that was the most important thing.

She pulled him into a hug, embracing him as tight as their bodies would allow, as he cried into her chest.

"I've never been so scared in my life"

Marshall was going to be okay, he is going to get sober.

"Don't be Afraid Marshall, I promise it's going to be ok"

And this time, it actually felt right.