The two masks

Chapter 5

Jesy POV:

"You deserve the pain. Because you couldn't keep your mouth shut, mom is dead now." I feel anger build up, mixed with pain and overwhelming sadness. I get up and burst open my wall drawer, pushing out everything to find what my mind was craving. My spare razors. Finally finding them, I put back the stuff and look at it. I carefully take out the three blades and look at them in my open hand. Is it really worth it? Is this what you want after being clean for three years and a half? Do you really wanna go back into this behaviour? I want it. I need it now. I take two of the three blades and hide them in a package of pills. As I bring the blade to my wrist, I see my scars again. The big, quite noticeable scars that remind me of that time. I look at my other wrist which looks pretty much the same. No I can't cut where Chris might see it or the girls or anyone. I look down at my legs. No. That will be noticeable too...maybe my hips. They're always somehow clad. I pull down my pants a little and bring the blade to my hip and watch as the thin and shiny metal slices through my skin, leaving a trail of blood behind. I watch as the blade slices again. And again. And again. I drop the blade and realize what I've just done. I relapsed. "Shit shit shit." I silently curse and see that the blood ran down my thigh and starts dripping on the white tiles. I hastily put a plaster on the cuts and clean the blood from my thighs and tiles. I hide the blade with the others in the pills package and scan the bathroom throughly to make sure, there is nothing left, indicating what I've just done. After I made sure all proofes where gone, I unlock the door and get into the bedroom. Chris was sitting upright in bed and as he hears me close the door, he looks at me and smiles tiredly. I lay down next to him and turn off the lights. I feel him scoot closer to me and wraps his arm around my hip, landing right on the fresh cuts. I whimper and he shoots up and puts on the lights again "Babe what's wrong?" Fuck. "Uh nothing." "Why did you whimper?" "I uh got jumpscared by your sudden move." Ridiculous. You even lie to your boyfriend of four years that always trusted you. "Oh okay then. Sorry babes." I hum and lay down again and he wraps his arm around me again but this time a little further upwards. I look for his hand, take it and rub soft circles with my thumb on it. After just a few minutes I hear soft snores coming from him. My eyes won't seem to shut down, neither would my thoughts. I turned around and tossed around the whole night until I saw through the window the sky taking over bright orange and red colours with a hint of purple. I look at the time and sigh. 7am. I carefully wiggle out of his embrace and replace myself with a pillow not to wake him up because I wasn't there. He really deserves some sleep. I close the door ever so quietly and tiptoe downstairs, picking up Oscar on my way. He looks up at me with judging eyes of why I woke him up. I entered the kitchen and set him down next to Reggie, preparing their dogfood. As they munch it down, I make myself some coffee and watch tiredly as the brown liquid pours sizzling into the cup. Awaiting the usual beeping sound, I take the cup, sit down on the kitchen island, take some sips and feel a little less tired. Coffee really be working wonders. I open my phone and see that Leigh had sent me an article 'Murder of Janice White, the mother of Little Mix singer Jesy Nelson, is still not arrested and the police won't seem to find any suspects.' I immediately feel nauseous and decide not to read it. I feel Reggie slightly tap my foot with his nose. I get down from the island, put on some shoes and open my backdoor, for them to immediately sprint into the garden and start chasing each other. I lay down in the grass somewhere, put my arms underneath my head and look up at the sky, watching the passing clouds, birds and even an airplane. I don't know for how long I've been laying there, but I hear the dogs barking inside, so I sit up and look around. I see the dogs inside again, so I get up on my feet, brush off some grass and head inside too. I close the door again and see on the clock that it was 8:30am already. I sigh and open my laptop and look for an appointment for the funeral. After a good hour I finally had an appointment for the funeral, which will be in two days. I close the laptop again and text my family and the girls as a sleepy Chris walks around the corner still rubbing his eyes "Morning babe." He sits down next to me "What are you doing so early?" "I have an appointment for mum's funeral, it will be in two days." "Oh okay. Have you texted the girls, yours and my family?" "Your family? Are you sure? I didn't wanna bother them." "Babe don't be silly. When I introduced you to my parents, they said they'll be there for anything." He gets up and calls his mom and nods "They're coming. My parents are your parents babe." He hugs me "I wish I could say the same, but with my father being somewhere in the prison and mom dead I can't..." "Babe hey stop. You're gonna make yourself sick." I nod and rest my head on his shoulder "That's so unfair." "I know babe." I hear his stomach rumble "I'll make some breakfast. Have you eaten already?" I shake my head "I can't." "I understand... but please watch out okay?" I nod and watch him get up and head to the kitchen. I turn around and stare blankly at the black screen of the TV.

Happy Birthday to Jesy! I can't believe this little cutie is frickin 29🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺