The two masks

Chapter 8

Jesy POV:

I continue to sob into Chris chest as he rocks us back and forth. I feel like with every minute it just gets worse and worse and the sadness slowly starts eating me up, crushing me and suffocating me. I pull away and he gently wipes my tears „If you wanna talk, I'm here okay?" I nod and get up „I gotta splash some cold water on my face to get rid of the puffiness of my face." „Okay bubba." I get slowly upstairs into the bathroom, close and lock the door and immediately grabbing ahold of the rim of the sink. The room starts spinning and I close my eyes and try control my breathing. I feel like I'm gonna collapse so I carefully sit down as my breathing picks up. New tears make their way down my cheeks yet again and I bite my lip hard to suppress the sobs, failing badly as the irony taste fills my mouth. My whole body starts shaking and I start hyperventilating as I try calling for Chris „C-Chris? H-h-help..." but it only comes out as a throaty whimper so I look around for something heavy. I grasp the shampoo bottle out of the shower and throw it harshly against the wall, making the lid smash into pieces. My body continues shaking and the room keeps spinning around and the only thing you heard were my violent sobs and whimpers. Finally the door flings open and a pale Chris looks down at me „God babygirl what happened?" He kneels down and hugs me tightly. As I don't answer and he feels my ragged breathing, he takes my hands and sits us up straight „Okay baby I need you to breathe with me." I follow his breathing and feel myself calming down again „Well done..." I fall limp into his arms and let out a sigh of exhaustion „Babe let's head to bed. You look so tired and worn out." He picks me up and carries me into the bedroom. He lays me down gently and places himself behind me, wrapping an arm around me. I scoot away from him and he sighs and puts his arm back. I keep my eyes open and stare into the darkness, listening to the tik tok of the clock. Hours passed and Chris is soundly asleep. I quietly get up and head into the bathroom. I needed a release and an escape from all the pain. Without hesistating or having second thoughts, I open my blade hideaway and take out the shiny metal. I pull down my pants yet again and look at the almost healed and scarred skin from where I cut last time. I bring the blade to the scars and reopen them, pressing harshly on them, making the blood immediately spurt out. I wince in pain and grab a tissue as I keep slitting open my hips. After there was no more space left where I can hide it, I pack away the blade and clean up the floor, my thighs and my cuts. I check yet again if there was any evidence left for what I've done. Finding nothing, I head back to the bedroom to be met by Chris sat up straight in bed yet again. He looks at me, worry evident on his face „You okay baba?" I nod and lay down. He turns to me and lays down so we are face to face „I've noticed you changed babe and I'm worried it has to do something with me." „Chris no where are you thinking? You are honestly the best boyfriend I could wish for and I've never ever felt so loved and appreciated by someone. You truly make me the happiest girl alive." He nods as he visibly gulps „What did you do in the bathroom?" Shit. „I just took some Advil for my head." He nods and I immediately feel bad for lying again to him. But what else shall I do? „I was just worried you fell back into old habits." „Oh yea... I understand. No don't worry." „I'm just worried you know like I've seen you at your lowest and I kinda feel like you're falling back into that time." I snap up and look at him. Has he found out? I gulp and bite my lip and he sits up too „Jes? You've changed. What's wrong?" „I keep blaming myself for mum's death okay? But I promise there's nothing else." He nods and sighs sadly as if he knew that I'm lying to him and let me tell you, I feel ashamed. He lays back down and turns away from me. Had I hurt him? I lay down as well and wrap an arm around him. As he feels it, he immediately grabs my hand and strokes it „Have I hurt you babe?" He shakes his head „No I was just trying to be giving you space. I thought because you scooted away you needed it and I was too clingy." „Oh. Right. I'm sorry." He hums and hugs me tighlty and I close my eyes, at least trying to get some sleep. „Chris?" He switches on the light again and I turn around „Can...can we talk?" He gulps visibly and sits up. „Sure babe. What's bothering you?" I sit up as well and take a deep breath „You know I feel like I shouldn't have told you about what happened that one night." He nods and looks at me, rubbing my back „He kept threatening to kill my family if I told anyone and now I'm worried that he might go for you and the girls next." „Jes I completely understand your worries but don't worry babes. We're save okay? We're gonna call the police and tell them everything, hoping they can use the extra information." I shrug and feel like he isn't really sure himself if we're save or not „Jes we don't have to. It's just an offer to maybe shake off your worries." I nod and we get downstairs and he calls the police over. A few minutes later, the doorbell rings and Chris leads them inside and straight to the living room. They sit down on the loungers on the opposite and the man on the right takes out his notebook „So Miss Nelson. First we would like you to describe the man." I describe every detail and show them a picture from his instagram. „Okay next we would like you to describe the deed.". I recall the haunting and terrifying night, with Chris comforting me as tears fall down from my sore eyes. They nod sympathetically and after an hour they leave. As I close the door, I fall against it and sink to the floor. He sits down right next to me „Is it because they said that they finally found the missing piece?" I nod. The missing piece in the whole process was this. It was now 3am and I just got basically told that Harry had killed my mom because he somehow found out I told Chris. „Come here I got you." He picks me up and carries me upstairs and lays me down gently. „Do you want a cup of chamomile tea?" I nod and stare blankly at the ceiling. Chris enters a few minutes later with my tea and I take a huge sip of it. „Chris babe can you please get one sleeping pill from the bathroom board? It's in the very right one on the top shelf. The blue package." „Sure. Anything." He leaves and I look after him as I wait for him to get me the sleeping pill so I can hopefully and finally sleep. I hear him scramble and drop something before coming back into the bedroom with a pale face, the whole package and tears streaming down his face. „Jes? Can you explain something to me?" And I felt immediately a lump grow in my throat as I already knew what I had to explain to him...

Yay I finally found motivation, time and a rough idea to update... Thank you all for being always so patient with my irregular and sometimes regular updating it really means loads to me ^°^