The two masks

Chapter 9

Chris POV:

I head to the bathroom after Jesy asked me to get her some sleeping pills. In the bathroom I go to the board she said and I open it, immediately finding the blue package she talked about. While I take it out from its place, I accidently drop her package of exchangeable razor blades... huh they're opened already? Okay thats doesn't have to mean anything. I pick it up and place it back. As I open the package of sleeping pills, I notice something in there that doesn't look like pills...wait... I carefully scramble in the package around and find three razor blades hidden in between all of the pills and on one was dried blood. Oh my god...either Jesy relapsed or she forgot about the blades when she stopped cutting three and a half years ago. I have to ask her about this. Just as I turned around to head back to the bedroom, the pieces finally fit together. The wincing when I touched her hip, her weird behaviour, the blades... With tears streaming down my face, I open the door to our bedroom and she snaps in my direction „Jes? Can you explain something to me?" I see her gulp and I immediately know my suspicion was right. I show her the package „W-what's this?" She doesn't look so I carefully take her head and turn it towards me and I show her the package again „B-baby w-what's this?" She shakes her head and I sit down next to her but she scoots away yet again. „Jes I want to help you. How long have you been...been doing...t-this?" No answer. „Babe I need you to talk to me so I can help you. Since your mother died you changed so much like I don't recognize you anymore. I've been texting Jade and she said you would always cancel plans and not even attend work. You're not the Jesy I fell for." I feel hot tears run down my cheeks and she just stares blankly at the floor. „Where is that Jesy?" „THAT JESY DIED CHRIS! STOP LIVING IN THE FUCKING PAST!" She springs to her feet „Babe listen I don't wanna argue with you now but I wanna know what's wrong with you. I feel like you're a complete stranger to me now." She starts pacing around in the room, before stopping, turning to look at me „WELL TOO BAD CAUSE THAT JESY WILL NEVER COME BACK AGAIN! IF YOU DON'T WANNA DEAL WITH IT THEN GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!" I gulp. Was she breaking up with me right now? „Do you really want to end our relationship now because I'm worried?" I ask her ever so softly „YOU'RE NOT ONLY WORRIED CHRIS! YOU'RE FORCING ME TO TALK AND FELL IN LOVE WITH A DIFFERENT JESY AND NOW REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT PAIN CHANGES PEOPLE!" I take a deep breath and get up, taking the pills with me and place them back in the drawer in the bathroom. As I re-enter the bedroom I see her laying on the bed, her back facing me „Get the fuck out." she boldly says „D-does that mean we're over?" she sits up and turns to me „You fell in love with the old Jesy. But she's dead now and will never come back again. Deal with it or leave." She gets up, takes a few things and gets out. I hear her open the door of our guest bedroom right next to our bedroom and she slams it shut. Sitting on the bed, I rest my head on my hands as tears fall from my eyes. There was definetely something wrong with her but if she keeps isolating herself like that, I feel like she might kill herself when we expect it the least. Without thinking, I dial Jade's number since she always knew what to do.

(A/N: Ja= Jade, C= Chris)

Ja: Ugh Chris what's wrong? It's 4am now.
C: God I'm so sorry Jade...
Ja: Chris? Is everything okay? Have you been crying?
C: N-nothing is okay Jade.
Ja: What happened?
C: Jesy... I think she cuts again but I won't find out because she keeps isolating herself, and we just had a bad argument and she almost broke up with me and... ugh... she's now in the guest bedroom and I don't know what to do.
Ja: God Chris I'm so sorry that doesn't really sound like Jesy...the Jesy we know.
C: I told her that as well and she just said that I either should deal with it or get out of her life.
Ja: Wow that's harsh... Listen uhm I'll get dressed and be there in 10.
C: Is Jason okay with that?
Ja: Course why not? He knows that I'll always do anything for my friends, things like this included.
C: God thank you so much Jade
Ja: No problem. See ya in 10
C: Yea see ya.

I hung up and got dressed as well, waiting for Jade. 10 minutes passed and I open the door for her „She is in the room right next to our bedroom." She nods and disappears upstairs while I go into the kitchen and make myself a coffee. As I sip it, I walk around in the kitchen and the living room, looking at photos of her and us. She looked so different, so happy, so vivid and just bursting from joy. The Jesy on the photos is the Jesy I fell in love with, with her dark past that formed her into an even more perfect bundle of joy. When I think about the ‚new' Jesy, she is a completely different person. All quiet, snappy, no smiling or laughing, skipping work, cancelling plans with her friends and isolating herself. She travelled back into her dark past and even further. I shake my head and can't believe it, and I refuse to believe it. About an hour passed and I hear footsteps coming down. But only from one person. I hope it was Jesy but the hope was crushed as soon as I see Jade's small frame walking through the doorway. She steps into the light and I notice her red eyes, so I place down my cup and hug her tightly as she sobs into my chest and shakes her head. „I-I-I can't do anything..." I gently shush her and hug her tighter. What must have happened, that she looks this broken and fragile? And the most important thing: is Jesy okay and did she tell her something? But the answers to these questions have to wait now because first Jade needs some comfort.