The two masks

Chapter 12

Jesy POV:

Chris carries me upstairs into the guest bedroom. He sits me down and closes the door gently „Do you hate me?" He looks at me, shocked „Huh?" „I asked..." „No I heard you but why do you think I hate you?" „Because I'm a failure and push everyone away." „Babe I know it's hard for you." „But why don't you understand? Why don't you understand?" „I do..." I get up „NO YOU DON'T! IF YOU WOULD, YOU WOULD FUCKING LET ME GO AND STOP TELLING ME ABOUT A PERSON I'M NOT ANYMORE!" „Jes please calm down I..." „I can't. I can't. How would you feel if someone constantly bemothers you and thinks you're not old enough to look after yourself? I'm fucking 29 and old and mature enough to look after myself." „Jes don't you see? You've changed and that drastically. That's worrying." „HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT PAIN CHANGES PEOPLE? DO YOU EVEN FUCKING CARE WHAT I SAY TO YOU OR TALK TO YOU ABOUT?" „I do care Jesy. I do fucking care. So do the girls. We just want to know what's wrong with you so we can help you." „WHY IS EVERYONE SO OBSESSED WITH ME GETTING BACK TO THE OLD ME?" „Jes..." he sighs „When did you turn so cold? Where is the happy Jesy?" Silence. We say nothing, he just stares at me „DON'T COME SAY TO ME I'M NOT THE GIRL YOU FELL FOR. I KNOW I'M NOT ANYMORE AND I'LL NEVER GONNA BE AGAIN! SO DEAL WITH THE NEW ME OR WE'RE OVER!" I see tears forming in his eyes but something in me leaves me cold. „So you're gonna say nothing? Fine. Then get out. Now." I push him towards the door, open it and he takes a hesitant step forward and I slam the door shut. Why is everyone like this? I grab the vase from the nightstand and throw it violently against the wall, making it smash into pieces. I walk over to the shelf and swipe my arm through, making all the books fall down. Last I take the mirror, grab it with both hands and smash it to the floor. Will this pain ever stop? I'm interrupted by someone knocking. It was Leigh. After she also tried to convince me I shall go back, I just left her in the room. I can't deal with their shit talk anymore. In the bedroom I grab a few things and throw them in my bag before climbing out of the window and start running. I kept running until I felt my legs growing limp. I haven't eaten all day but I didn't care. I stop and look around. I'm infront of a kiosk so I head inside and buy three bottles of vodka. The cashier looks at me a bit weird but I didn't care. I paid and scramble outside, looking for a bench. It was getting dark and less crowded as I finally found an empty space in the park. I sit down, and open the bottle, downing it. I felt nothing so I opened the second one and downed this as well. I started feeling a little dizzy but I didn't care. The third bottle was opened but I didn't down it this time. Every sip I took was like a punishment for hurting everyone. I actually hated vodka because it burned my throat, but since my blades are at home, I do this instead. I cringe a little at the strong taste but keep going until the bottle was empty as well. Everything was blurry and I hiccuped a few times. I lay down next to the tree, covering myself with a blanket I took from home as I let the alcohol sit in. I started feeling really dizzy and nauseous as I started crying and hugged the blanket tighter. I don't know when I fell asleep but I eventually did.