The two masks

Chapter 10

Jade POV:

„Jes? Please open. It's me. Jeed." I hear her scramble and open up the door with a blank expression. „Come in." I follow her and close the door, sitting next to her on the bed „I guess Chris called you to talk to me because he is too chicken to." „Not really Jes, no. He called me because he is as worried as us girls." She rolls her eyes „Jes I know what you're gonna say, but I need you to listen to me. We are really worried because you changed drastically. Like we don't recognize you anymore. You skipped work a lot lately, cancelled plans, isolate yourself...you may fool Chris with saying you're okay but you can't fool me Jes cause I also did this. I know what it feels like to lose someone you had a really close relationship to."she shrugs and looks around. I take a deep breath „C-can I see?" she turns to me „See what? How you're all being too clingy and desperate to make me change back into the old Jesy?" „No I wanna see where you cut yourself." Her face drops to a shocked expression, raising an eyebrow „Where I cut myself?" „Yes where you cut yourself." She chuckles and rolls up her sleeves, revealing only her old, white scars, smiling at me in victory. I run my hand through my hair and sigh „Your thighs?" I know from experience that you usually try to cut somewhere you can hide it when you relapse. She shrugs and shows me her thighs but on her hips I notice plasters. „Jes? What's that?" „What's what?" I point to her hip „This. Right there." „Reggie and I played and he accidently scratched me when the doorbell rang because he got scared." I raise my eyebrows and puff my cheeks „Jesy I wasn't born last night. If you wanna lie to someone about this, then better not to someone who had experience with this." She just shrugs and I sigh „Then why don't you just show me where Reggie...accidently scratched you?" „Jade where is this leading? You all really think I'm three years old. I bloodly not gonna get naked infront of you just because y'all love to worry about something unnecessary because you don't have anything else to do plus I'm a grown woman and can look after myself and don't need four worrying people to decide what to and what not to do." I look shocked at her and she pulls her pants back up and lays down on her back. „Why are you so snappy Jes? That's so fucking unlike you." I whimper out „Pain changes people." „And why are you holding back the pain? Pain deserves to be felt." Nothing. As I expected. „Listen Jes if you think we'll watch you push the self destruction button right infront of our eyes and in the end kill yourself, you're wrong. You're god damn wrong." Nothing yet again. „If you think ignoring us and pushing us away because we want to help you is the right way...which is actually not the right way." And again, no response. I know my sentences don't make any sense at all „Just you remember we only want the best for you. We're always there for you, for anything okay?" „I'm done talking to you." She turns around and I get up and leave the room. As soon as I close the door behind me, I let the tears fall. Why has she changed like this? When did she become so cold? I slump down into the kitchen. Chris sees me and pulls me into his chest as I let myself fall. After I cried for so long, he offers me to talk about it. We sit down at the kitchen table and I tell him every detail. He just shakes his head in disbelief „This isn't Jesy. Not the Jesy I fell in love with, not the Jesy I wanna marry and not the Jesy I wanna start a family with. This must be a complete stranger. I mean she was like that before she recovered, but since her mother died three months ago now, she's even worse like I feel like she fell even deeper this time and she's still falling only to never hit the ground. Next she'll think suicide is the best and only way out and she kills herself...I can't even...." „I know Chris...I don't know what we can do to hold her and prevent her from falling any further." He sighs and takes a picture from the magnetic fridge and shows it to me. On the photo you see Jesy and Chris, both covered in holi powder, smiling from ear to ear. „This was a year ago on our third anniversary. I took her to this holi festival with her mum as well and we had such a great time there. Look at her. Bursting with happiness, sparkling eyes and this smile I immediately fell for when we first met... but now? All gone." I nod and look up from the picture „I'm scared." „Me too Jade. Me too. We all are." He puts the picture back and offers me a tea but I refuse. Unlike me I know. But there are more different and difficult things on my mind now. „I think I'll call Leighly and Pez. Maybe we can figure out something together." he nods and I get up, hugging him „We'll work that out. We won't let her go." He nods and leads me to the door. As I exit, he thanks me yet again and I wave goodbye. On my way home I try processing and thinking about the ways and possibilities we can help Jesy and prevent her from falling even deeper and even committing suicide.