FREAKING OUT ² ➢ spencer reid

XLI

The next morning I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. With a groan, I reached over blindly to grab it, smacking the edge of my dresser a couple of times before managing to get a hold of it. When I did, I blinked at the screen, trying to adjust my blurry vision. "What do you want?" I asked as soon as I realized who it was.

"Oh, my god, Isla, I'm really sorry about last night. I didn't mean to tell mom and dad. I was so wasted, because I-"

"Shhh, you're being too loud," I mumbled tiredly. I brought my free hand up to my face, giving my eye a quick rub as I rolled onto my back.

Next to me, Reid shuffled quietly, letting out a loud grunt as he adjusted himself on the bed. The last thing I wanted to do was wake him up on his day off so instead of staying I carefully sat upwards, biting my lip as I slid off mattress and tiptoed up to the bathroom.

"Sorry," Issac whispered, "I just... I didn't get a chance to properly explain myself. I know dad made us apologize to each other, but honestly you deserve a real one. I was way out of line and I understand if you're still pissed off at me."

I moved to the edge of the bathtub, letting out a loud yawn as I sat down. Lazily, I leaned froward, resting my elbow against my knee as I held my face in my hand. "I mean, yeah I am, but like, it's fine," I lied. Even though the rest of the night had gone fairly smooth I still couldn't bring myself to forgive him yet. Over the years Issac had done some shady things, but this definitely topped them.

"It's not," he argued, "what I did was shitty."

"It was shitty," I agreed.

"And I'm sorry."

I closed my eyes and let out a heavy sigh, feeling mentally exhausted. As much as I wanted a proper apology part of me just wanted to hang up and get some space. Sure, what he did was bad, but after everything that happened with the whole Kane situation I knew ignoring him would only make things worse.

"Can I say something?" He asked.

"Sure."

"I'm really proud of you," he replied, "I know things haven't been going your way lately, but I can tell you're getting there. You seem a lot happier."

I bit my lip, holding back a smile. He was right, I was happy. Happier than I think I've ever been, which was weird to think about. For the longest time happiness felt like this far off place; a destination I'd never think I'd get to. Whenever I imagined myself feeling good I always imagined success and stability and even though those things were still important to me, as time went on they kind of fell to the back burner.

"I'm really glad you found Spencer. He's a really good guy and I think you guys are going to be good parents."

At that point I let my smile break free. Even though I knew people were supportive, at the back of my mind I couldn't help, but wonder if I was truly meant to be a mom. As much as I wanted to agree with everyone, deep down their words just felt like lies. The team, while knowing a lot about behaviours, just didn't know me as much as Issac. So, even though they'd constantly tell me everything was going to be okay I could never bring myself to fully agree with them. Motherhood was obviously complicated and there'd definitely be days where I wouldn't be at my best, but was it possible for me to even strive for that? Could I really be a good mom without the proper experience? Could I provide for our kids in the same way I knew Reid could?

The second Issac told me I could it felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. His words, while simple and to the point, carried such intensity that as I heard them I suddenly felt at peace. Never in my life had I been so sure of anything. I was going to be a good mom. I was going to love my kids as much as my parents loved us and I was going to love doing it.