when all is said and done | e.d.

thirty-six

harper
four weeks later

"harper, you have a lunch meeting on their way up," ethan calls out to me in a rather chilly voice.

my head snaps up from my computer, and a short knock on my office door makes me furrow my eyebrows.

lunch meeting? when did i schedule a lunch meeting?

"it's open!" i yell out in a jovial, but confused tone.

the door swings open, and thomas can be seen carrying a bag and carton drink carrier of chick-fil-a. my face lights up into an immediate smile as he makes his way over to my desk.

"hey," he grins. "i had the afternoon off, and i thought i'd surprise you with lunch?"

i push out of my desk chair and stand up to greet him with a hug. he smells faintly of soap and men's cologne, and i feel his light scruff of a beard on my head as he leaves a gentle kiss to it.

"just what i needed, thank you."

he opens the bag and seems nervous as he pulls out some of the items. "so... salad for the vegetarian?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.

i laugh and nod.

"okay, well i also thought you might be kind of feeling the mid day blues, so i brought you back a frosted coffee. isn't that cool? i didn't know they made these." he asks, holding up the iced cup.

the frozen drink reminds me of ethan, and that one time in the car when i invited him out to a seminar with me.

i'm about to apologetically explain to him that i'm allergic to one of the ingredients, but i don't get to before both our heads turn at ethan's voice.

"she's allergic to soy," he speaks up, car keys in hand to leave for lunch.

thomas blinks a little, clearly surprised. ethan doesn't really talk that much when he's around. "what?"

ethan looks to him with a blank expression, then at the drink in his hands. "the coffee. it has soy. harper is allergic."

thomas turns to me for confirmation, and i nod sheepishly. he looks butthurt that ethan knows something he doesn't— but it doesn't surprise me. i've known ethan way longer.

"oh," is what my boyfriend simply replies with, staring at the drink in his hands like it's foreign and might possibly explode. "i- i didn't know that."

ethan rolls his eyes with a 'really? can you believe this guy?' type of smug expression. before i can send him a glare, he's out the door.

"don't worry about him, or any of it," i reassure thomas, rubbing his arm. "seriously, i don't expect you to know my allergies a month into this relationship. that's crazy talk."

"but— but how did he know?" thomas mumbles, still staring at the door ethan left from.

i wave it off with my hand like it's not big deal. "he's my assistant. it's his job to know stuff like that. it's only because he gets me coffee and has to ask for almond milk, that's it."

thomas nods, but still seems slightly out of it and confused. "well, i was hoping we could talk. i have some exciting news."

"what would that be?" i ask, sitting back down in my chair as he takes the one across from my desk.

pulling out some chicken and fries, he says, "i'm nearing the end of my shadowing hours, and i want to go somewhere fun this weekend to celebrate my new free time."

my fork poises over the salad. "go somewhere?"

"yeah! like... we could head to an art museum, or the shedd aquarium— oh, possibly to the restaurant that just opened right outside of mckinley park?"

i smile a little. "actually, yeah. that sounds fun. i'm really happy for you that your schedule is about to open up a little."

he gives me a long, soft look. "and that means more time for us."

his words make me freeze.

from what i've learned this past month— thomas likes to move quickly in relationships. he dates to marry, not to break up. so basically that means i have to figure out if he's "the one" while trying to balance a job and a social life.

i like him a lot, but i'm not the type to fall in love within less than three months. if the three months mark hits and i'm still not picturing us together forever, i'll most likely end it.

but for now, he's nice and fun. all my friends love him, but i still haven't mentioned him to my family.

considering they all thought i was dating ethan a month ago, i've decided to keep it under wraps until i figure out if i see us together in the end.

i simply smile at him and go back to eating my salad, trying to blame the gnawing in my stomach as hunger.

but something feels wrong.

he's genuinely a great guy, but i feel a force pulling me back, not allowing me to be as invested in this relationship as him.

but maybe it's just nerves?

i haven't really been in a relationship since michael, and i need time to get back into the groove of things.

thomas and i haven't had sex, but something tells me this weekend will be the time. it's not a huge deal, but it seems like a mark in our relationship that will
be memorable.

my mind turns to ethan, as much as i hate it.

things between us are... normal.

he goes with me to meetings, jokes around about my horrible aim with trash can basketball, brings me my coffee, and etc.

there's one thing missing that i actually really miss: our question of the day's. it was always my favorite part of the day, but once i started dating thomas we both silently agreed that it would be weird.

i miss ethan coming over to my apartment to see ruby.

i bet he misses her, too.

a couple weeks ago, i jokingly framed a picture of her and gave it to him. he did not take it as a joke, though. his eyes lit up and he proudly displayed the picture frame on his desk, next to photos of him and his family.

"are you okay?" thomas asks me, breaking me from my train of thought.

i snap my eyes up. "oh, yeah. sorry. i was just thinking about a presentation i have to do tomorrow."

"i'm sure it'll be fantastic. don't worry about it."

i force a smile and try to erase the thoughts of ethan from my mind.