when all is said and done | e.d.

forty-eight

harper

if i'm going to break it off with thomas, i need to do two things:

1. sleep with him

2. do it before valentine's day.

i went over the plan in my head multiple times until it made sense to me. how am i supposed to feel a connection if i've never had sex with him? i mean, isn't that how i started to feel for ethan?

my feelings are bursting through my, desperately wanting to be let out. but i can't let that happen until i figure them out correctly.

so i call the one person who could help, and who i can trust no matter what.

as soon as i open the door, samantha bursts through with two bottles of wine in hand. she barely acknowledges ruby before tackling me into a big hug.

"i love you, even if you don't like thomas, i just want to let you know that i don't take it personal even though i picked him out for you and—" she starts to ramble over my shoulder.

i cut her off with a laugh. "sam. slow down, my god. how many drinks have you had? it's a weekday."

she pulls away, looking longingly down at the wine bottles. "clearly not enough. let's crack 'em open. i've never heard you sound so confused over the phone, so i figured i should probably bring a couple."

as soon as we get to my kitchen, she takes a cork screw and begins to open the bottle hurriedly. she's clearly stressed out by her rushed actions.

"why are you so... nervous?" i ask as she goes to my wine glass cupboard that only just started getting used.

"because!" she throws up her hands. "i have a feeling you're about to tell me something weird."

"no, i think you've kind of suspected it."

samantha furrows her eyebrows, but pours two glasses and slides one to me. i take a small sip before opening my mouth to talk.

"i don't know if thomas is the one for me."

"knew it," she downs her glass back. "b-but you said you had such an amazing date with him? that first night?"

i shrug. "maybe it was only supposed to be a one date type of thing. he's so charming, handsome, funny, and all that."

sam hesitates before saying, "okay so now i'm failing to see where you're going with this. do you like him or not?"

"i like him! ...as a friend."

"oh no. is he bad at sex?"

i shift on my feet and fumble with my fingers. "that's um, that's the thing. we haven't done that yet."

"what?!" she practically shrieks, and i cringe as her voice hangs in the air. "how come? why not!"

"i- i don't know. there just hasn't been a good time."

"you live alone. there's always a good time, honey."

i groan. "i know! i just haven't brought myself to initiate anything, and i always ignore when he tries to."

"but why, harper?"

i'm quiet as i bite my bottom lip softly and avoid her eyes.

"oh no. it's the other guy, isn't it?"

nodding, i look up and now i see the recognition in her eyes. her mouth hangs partly open, her wine glass clutched into her hands.

"is it who i think it is?" she whispers, wide-eyed.

this time, i shamefully duck my head and nod again.

"ethan f*cking dolan?!"

i shut my eyes tight, letting my head drop into my hands.

"but you said i didn't know the other guy? i very obviously know ethan, harper."

"i know, but i saw that he was listening to the phone call!" i justify. "if i would have said anything different he definitely would have caught on. i try to be calm around him, but i always end up flirting or some crap. he has to have some sort of clue already!"

"honey," she says slowly, almost pitiful. "i- i don't know what to say. he's your assistant."

"i called you because i thought you'd be the only one that wouldn't judge me," i whine. "and now you're judging me."

she laughs shortly. "not judging you at all. just a little confused."

"so what do i do?" i breathe out.

she's quiet, and leans against the marble countertop. "okay, how about this: you have sex with thomas, see if you feel anything, and if not, you come clean about your feelings to ethan."

"there's one more part i left out..."

her face drops. "what?"

"ethan and i kind of had a... thingie. awhile ago."

"a thingie?" she repeats, raising an eyebrow and her wine glass.

i must be beet red. "yeah. a thingie."

"if my definition of thingie is the same as yours, then i'm going to have to scream."

"ethan and i slept together. multiple times," i blurt out, letting my shoulders eat my ears as i wait for the high-pitched shriek.

it echos throughout my kitchen, and i look up to see samantha gaping at me, trying to hide a smug smile.

"i knew it! i knew he had a thing for you, too."

"wait, what?"

"it's so obvious," she grins. "the guy is like... in love with you. i swear."

i laugh nervously as the thought crosses my mind. "whaaaat? no."

"harper," she deadpans. "you guys had sex."

"he probably has sex with everyone!"

"yeah, but he chose you."

i blush at the thought and i think of how i can never seem to get flustered or flattered when talking about thomas. sam must notice, because she smirks into her emptying wine glass.

"i'm just so confused," i sigh out. "two and a half months ago, i hardly knew him. i've know him for three years. why are the feelings just now surfacing?"

sam shrugs. "maybe they've always been there."

and maybe they have.

but before i focus on ethan—

i have to do something about thomas.