when all is said and done | e.d.

forty-six

ethan

monday morning, i'm nervous to talk to harper about my sudden urge to pursue other careers.

i researched it all night, even taking notes about everything i need, everything i have, and everything i don't have (which turns out is just a cpr class. i was so set on becoming a teacher straight out of college that i took every single class you need, and got a recommendation letter from my favorite professor. he said i was the best student teacher he ever oversaw. i'll probably have to invite him out to coffee and convince him to rewrite it, but it still counts).

she walks in whistling happily with two coffees in hand. when i see that she's walking past her desk to my office, i quickly close my tabs of job searching at schools in the area.

so far i've come up with a list:

- physical education teacher needed at wood hill elementary. (the last on my list. i do not want to watch a bunch of snotty kindergarteners throw dodge balls at each other all day. that makes no impact on their young minds).

- science teacher needed for 7th grade at wood hill as well. (also a no. for two reasons: i don't like science, and that's the year that they teach the awkward stuff. i'd start laughing, then get fired).

- english teacher for 11th grade at newmount high school. (top priority)

- math teacher for ninth grade at newmount. (i rocked algebra as a freshman, so that's #2)

- guidance counselor at lilac hills. (would need a masters degree)

that's all i have right now.

turns out, illinois schools are desperate for teachers.

harper knocks on the glass door cheerily, and pushes it open immediately after. i swivel my desk chair to her with a forced smile, but as soon as i see her face it turns into a real one.

"good morning, my fantastic assistant," she says in an overly joyful voice, handing out one of the two coffees.

"thank you," i take the cup. "why are you so happy this morning? it's a monday. no one should be happy on a monday."

she grins. "i did a lot of thinking over the weekend."

"oh yeah?" i ask, bringing the straw to my lips.

"yes! and—"

"can you tell me later? i kind of have something that i need to share with you."

her smile falters, which makes me feel like an ass.
"of course. i have an hour until my meeting with samantha. go ahead."

she leans against the doorframe and crosses her arms expectantly.

i cough a little, trying to stop the nerves from attacking my stomach. "i think we should maybe sit down."

alarm crosses harper's face, but she leads me out to her desk anyway. i sit in the chair across from her, and lean back in it a little.

"so what's up?" she asks casually, rearranging some papers on her desk. "you're making me nervous."

"harper," i start off slowly. "i want to talk before you interrupt me with any questions, okay?"

she nods nervously.

"i like this job a lot. it's so amazing to work with you, and it's brought us a lot closer—"

"oh no," she mumbles.

"stop. i'm not done. what i'm trying to say is: i've been thinking about finding a teaching job in the area. not right now, of course. but before the fall."

harper lets out a breath she'd been holding in, and puts a palm to her chest. "thank god, i thought you were putting in your two weeks."

"not yet."

she looks back up at me and smiles. "i'm behind you with every decision you make. just know that i'll miss you."

"so... you're not... mad?"

"mad?" she repeats confusedly. "why would i be mad that you're finally following your dream? that would be idiotic of me."

i literally cannot stop the stupidly huge grin that takes over my face. "i'm really excited, harper. i think i have a good chance of getting a job. i have everything i need, it just took me a couple years to use it."

"what made you want to do this all of a sudden?"

"you."

her eyebrows jump up in surprise. "me?" she points to herself.

"yes, you," i laugh. "you inspired me to break out of my bubble wrap."

she leans forward on the desk, eyes bright and filled with amusement. "ethan."

"what?"

"i have a question of the day for you."

oh. they're back. "okay, give me it."

"how do you catch a shooting star?"

she remembered.

i shake my head with a small smile. "i don't know. how?"

"you try."

"and if i fail?"

"you try again."

"what if it gets to the point where i have no tries left?"

"you make your own," she replies matter-of-factly.

"thank you, harper."

she leans back in her seat, tapping her nails against the polished wooden desk. "you're welcome."

"no, i mean it. thank you."

"what for, exactly?"

"just for being you."

redness rises to her cheeks. "y-you're welcome?"

i laugh, standing from my seat.

god, i wish she was mine.

but i can only take a certain amount of risks per day before i start into a panic attack, so i leave it at that.

and messing with harper's relationship is not at all what i want to do.

because when all is said and done, she'll know.