Dead to Me(Human Spinel x Full human Steven)

Chapter 4: Band aid

(Trigger warning maybe: Panic attack, a little Self harm warning now! 💕)

~No Ones POV~
Steven's alarm clock rang but he wasn't asleep. He rubbed his eyes realizing that he had accidentally stayed up all night. The boy turned off the alarm and texted Spinel.

Steven: ya know you never told me what costume you wanted to go as?
Spinel: No you don't have to go if you don't want to or at least not with me
Steven: but I want to! Maybe we can get along at this party!
Spinel: alright fine. My idea was to go as... uh please don't laugh
Steven: I won't
Spinel: Clowns
Steven: Clowns?
I let out a chuckle
Spinel: yeah but like corrupted clowns ya know?
Steven: yeah sure!
Spinel: really?
Steven: yeah! I'll pick you up at 7 on the day of the party
Spinel: Sure whatever

It was October 8th, a Thursday and I had my therapist appointment today. Once I had my clothes on I ran downstairs, "Good morning Pearl!" I yelled. "Oh good morning Steven" Pearl replied. I smiled and looked at what she was baking, "Garnet already had a slice go ahead" Pearl said. I cut the strawberry cake making one slice for me and packed it into my lunch, "Thanks!" I exclaimed, "Steven what are you doing for Halloween?" Pearl asked me. I couldn't tell her about the party to I made up some lie, "Nothing actually" Before she could question me some more I grabbed my jacket and hat and ran out the door.

As I entered the room I sat in the miserable seat. If I was being honest this room made my depression worst but only because I was anxious or show my therapist what I wrote in my diary. "Good morning Steven" Mrs. Anderson announced, I waved at her with a smile before it dropped again. I gave her the diary "I haven't really written much" "Who's Spinel?" She asked interrupting me. "A girl. I guess you can say she's an enemy" I explained. She gave me a confused look, "Enemy?" She asked, "We don't always get along, We always fight and she always says she hates my... uh my mom" I said. Saying the word "mom" made me tear up automatically. I wiped my eyes and looked at her. "Why does she hate your mom?" She asked me. I shrugged not knowing myself.

"Well no cursing in this diary" Mrs. Anderson told me handing me the diary. I smiled at her then frowned again, "Also, party?" My therapist asked raising a brow, I laughed "My best friend is throwing a Halloween party tomorrow. Spinel and I are going to be clowns at the party" I laughed at my sentence. She raised her brow again, "Wasn't she your enemy?" She asked. I realized what she meant and I stopped smiling, "No it's not like that!" I reassured her. She laughed but I got all flustered and covered my face. "I'm trying to become friends with her" I explained. She finally stopped laughing "I mean also I'm dating Connie" I told her. "Why aren't you two going together?" She asked me writing in her notepad, "Well I mean, She's going with her friend! I think they're going as a prince and a princess" I explained soon realizing how bad that was. "So this is another guy?" She asked concerned. I frowned and felt as if everyone and everything was gone... it was just me now.
(Panic attack)
I started to think to myself. Connie wouldn't cheat on me would she? Yes she would but she couldn't! We love each other you love her, who would love you? Stop! S-She loves me No Steven she doesn't! Stop lying to yourself. No one cares about how you feel. No one needs you anymore!

At this point I covered my ears. The room went dark and started to get darker as the walls started closing in on me. I heard muffled noises but I ignored them as my thoughts clouded my brain.

S҉h҉e҉ d҉o҉e҉s҉n҉'҉t҉ L҈o҈v҈e҈ y҈o҈u҈.⃠
Y⃠o⃠u⃠r⃠ a⃠ f⃠o⃠o⃠l⃠ f⃠o⃠r⃠ b⃠e⃠l⃠i⃠e⃠v⃠i⃠k⃠g⃠
S⃠h⃠e⃠ d⃠i⃠d⃠.⃠
W҉h҉y҉ a҉r҉e҉ y҉o҉u҉ s҉t҉i҉l҉l҉ h҉e҉r҉e҉?҉
These thoughts got louder and louder as I started to feel my breath getting shorter. I felt as if the room turned purple blinking form blue a pink. P̸I̸N̸K̸,̸ I blocked out that thought ጎፕ ሠልነ ዘቿዪ ቻልሀዐዪጎፕቿ ርዐረዐዪ I cried out,