You Hold My Pieces [completed]

Begin Again

Listen to : high hopes by Kodaline

Kyle's POV

You look everywhere but here
It's like you see the world and it's beauty but I'm not enough to even be ugly
It's like your eyes can see everything but me
Your ears could listen to my stories but you couldn't hear my heart beating for you
You let me cry on your shoulder but when the river dried not even you would quench my thirst
You say you're lonely but I am always there for you
You say the world hates you but I love you anyway
But I'm your blindspot
When your heart searches for love my existence is erased from your memory
Maybe I can not love you like you wanna be loved
I don't want to replace the girl of your dreams
I don't want to wake you up when you're with her
But what am I supposed to do when you're crying in your sleep?
Should I wait for you to wake up and think I was never there?
I know you think everyone wants to use you
But chasing you will wear me out
Should I run towards you when you keep running away?
You're the sun that gives light to the world
I'm the moon that watches people cry
It takes time for us to be in the same space
When they see us they think the world is about to end
But it's nothing but a total eclipse of the heart

I know the story that has been told over a million times in one week. I see the hope in her eyes sparkling like lanterns in the middle of the night. I tried to push her to keep digging to find out the truth but it does not even matter at this point. Malachi is her savior and he has taken more than he bargained for. I tried to wait my for my turn patiently but even when she liked me deep down she loved him. I should have stayed where I was, safe with Jennifer where these raw emotions would not be uncovered. I know what it feels like to give your all to someone who is waiting for someone else. She claims she does not want to be with him but I feel the fantasies surfacing whenever they collide.

" Kyle! Kyle! Let's go to class we will be late ", she holds my hand and drags me through the crowded halls. I am happy that she has found happiness but I have been waiting for her to talk about her suicide attempt herself instead of just hearing about it through the grapevine.

Whatever Malachi told her must have made sense  because Harry left as soon as he had come in. She and Malachi had not gone back to being close or anything but if it was to happen any time soon nobody would be surprised. They would smile at each other when their eyes met and I would be lying if I said I did not feeling jealous. It stung that I gave her everything since we were children but I was constantly in the shadows.

She was on my mind throughout the classes and it did not help that the teachers would call out her name to check up on her before each class. When she held my hand leading me down the halls I would imagine we were together again and I was the one she loved. I would smile at these thought and she would hit my shoulder and laugh at me the same way.

" Stop day dreaming ", I heard her laugh as she ran towards me in the parking lot. There were so many people but all I could see was her. She probably wanted a ride home since her dad asked her not to drive herself for a while until her therapy was over. It had become our routine, I would pick her up before school, we would eat lunch together and after school she would wait for me during football practice and I'd wait for her during her therapy session before  taking her home. Today felt different because she seemed a bit happier than usual and she was smiling more than usual. She promised to tell me after therapy as she followed her therapist to the office and I grabbed a magazine I would not read.

I took out my phone and turned up my deep house music and dozed off on the reception couch. After what seemed like forever I felt a light tap on my shoulder and I sighed heavily struggling to open my eyes. She smiled and asked for the car keys since I seemed so tired. I did not want to violate her father's wishes but it was true that juggling our routine and school work was wearing me out. I took the keys out of my pocket and handed them to her.

Instead of being home I found myself sitting opposite her in Burger King sipping on a large milkshake whilst waiting for her to tell me her story. I was sure my coach would kill me if he saw what I had ordered but I had missed having a little grease.

" so tell me, what's going on? "

" I'm ready. "

" Ready for what? "

" To tell you what I was thinking that day. "

" Okay, I'm all ears "

The waitress came with our burgers and fries and placed them on the table. She asked us if we needed anything else and we both shook our heads.

" I felt alone. "
I looked at her dumbfounded, not because I did not know what to say but I knew I would  offend her if I  said what I was thinking.

" Why? " that was the only sensible thing I could say

" I have never really had friends you know. Girl friends and the only person I had who was close to that betrayed me on several accounts just because we could not date and it just pained me that Malachi could do something like that to me. The way you had become so protective of me made me feel like you felt sorry for me and you didn't see me like a friend. "

" I never felt sorry for you Ronnie, I will always be there for you even when you feel alone. "

" Thank you. I will never try something like that again, thank God Malachi saved me. Now that I realize it I was being stupid. "  I looked deep into her eyes and I could see she did not mean what she was saying. See was just trying to make the conversation lighter and act tough like she always does.

" Speaking of Malachi how have things been between you two. " I honestly did not want to know but I knew she wanted me to ask so I did. I still hoped she would not answer.

" Funny you should ask. We spoke today when you were at football practice. "

" Oh that's why he didn't show. " I said this to myself more than to her

" I think he wants to quit, he says that football is your thing and he feels like he is invading your private space. "

" He said that today? "

" No some time back I don't remember when. We've been talking here and there on the phone, you know after the incident. "

I knew what here and there meant to Veronica. I just could not believe my ears, he had her wrapped around his fingers.
" He doesn't have to quit, it actually feels good to have my brother on the team. "

" You sure? Malachi and you have never been that close. " I felt like she was blaming it on me deep down. If only she knew that she was the one that came between us. Him bullying her and how I reacted to it created the space between us. We both liked the same girl and even when he was being rude to her, he was winning.

" I hope you don't mind though. "

" Mind what? "
 
She didn't need to answer, he was already walking to our table and she had turned her head to look at him. Why had she invited him, this was our time. I looked at her with my mouth wide open when it finally dawned on me. I got out of the booth
" I have to go. "

" Wait, Kyle ", she wanted to plead but I was not going to listen. I was tired of being the nice guy. It was time I left too.

" I'm sorry. "