notion • john murphy

51 - FORGIVENESS

[ FORGIVENESS ]

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Sayah was quiet as two guards flanked her sides, following after her as she made her way to where Octavia. . . where Octavia said Luna would be. The two had a earlier conversation that mostly consisted of Octavia apologising quietly, saying that she couldn't do anything else, that it was the only way.

   And it was, Sayah knew that. And that's what she told Octavia.

   "There was no other way." I should've tried harder. "This was the only way." I should've tried harder.

   Luna and Sayah both knew how it would end. Either Luna won, and everyone died, or Octavia won, which meant. . .

   "I killed Luna," Octavia had admitted, in such a hollow, quiet, broken voice. Her eyes had peered up at Sayah, anxious, waiting for some reaction. Sayah had only nodded, pursing her lips.

   "I know," She had replied to the girl emotionlessly, unlike Octavia had expected. After Octavia's multiple apologies and several moments of silence between the two, Sayah had cleared her throat, trying her best not to make her voice quiver, and said:

   "I want to see her."

   And so, here she was, two scouts at her sides, leading her to where she would find the body of the girl that had taught her how to correctly kill—something Lincoln wasn't exactly ready to teach then—the body of the girl she. . . she once knew everything about.

   They reached the entrance to the small room where Octavia had revealed Luna was. Sayah didn't know what the room was for, but that wasn't what worried her. What worried her was what she'd see once she entered. "You two can stay outside." She ordered the scouts. "You wait till I return or if I call out to you both." The scouts both gave her a curt nod, before looking away, leaving her to enter the room all alone.

   Maybe you should ask one of them to hold your hand, weak girl. A taunting voice sounded in her mind, one she didn't exactly know who it belonged to. The tone sounded familiar though. Sayah clenched her jaw, before inhaling sharply and stepping inside.

   Not much light was in the room, but there was enough to see her body. Sayah didn't look straight away, deciding instead to scan the room, there was a closet in the far corner, doors wide open; the one Octavia mentioned she hid inside, the one Luna didn't check.

   The one Luna did check, however, stood tall, doors wide open, several vertical holes in each door, the result of Luna's sword attacks, Sayah assumed. Then Sayah's eyes travelled down, down to where she lay, eyes closed, face gentle, peaceful, hair spread around her face in way that made her seem like she was sleeping.

   But she wasn't sleeping. And the knowledge made Sayah drop to her knees beside her, a small sob escaping her lips before she could hold it in. She was fine just a few seconds ago, and now it felt like the Earth was spinning. Her hands hovered lightly above her cold body, shaking, unsure. "Lu. . ." Sayah croaked out and she clamped her hand over her mouth as fast as she could. Why? She didn't know. The name felt like fire on her tongue. It hurt to say.

   "God," Her hands shook in uncertainty, as she reached over and brushed a strand of hair away from Luna's eye. Just like normal. A strangled sob escaped from her. "Oh, God, no—" She was overcome with a tightness in her chest, and she couldn't just sit there— No, she couldn't—