Hello Darkness

Chapter Thirteen

Over the next week, I made very few trips out of the house. Not particularly by choice, but if it didn't fit Talum's schedule, we didn't do it. I needed to make an unexpected trip to the grocery store, and you'd think I was asking to take a trip across the country. But I stopped asking to go out after that. The looks I got throughout the grocery store were almost too much for me to handle.

However, I have convinced him that if he wants me to follow his schedule, coffee breaks are essential, even if that means leaving an extra ten minutes early to stop at Annalise's.

Though I hate the constant surveillance and routine, I must admit—I am thankful for Talum and Derek. There hasn't been an incident since they started. Maybe the writing on my window was a harmless prank, and this would be over soon. But as much as I want to believe that, a prick deep inside tells me to keep my guard up.

I'm leaving the office when someone calls my name from across the parking lot. Talum spreads his legs and crosses his hands in front of him. His body shifts slightly in front of mine as he surveys the doe-eyed blonde that trots up to the vehicle. Eve cautiously slides her glance from Talum to me.

"Hey, how are you?" She reaches out and squeezes my elbow. She looks at me like I'm a wounded puppy—I take a deep breath pushing back the frustration that look arouses.

"I'm fine." I nod and turn towards the car.

"Wait. I know you have a lot going on, but do you have time to work on our project tonight?"

Shit. It was due next week, and I completely forgot. "I'm sorry Eve. Yeah, I do."

Talum cuts in. "It's not in our schedule. Breccan's schedule has you due home by five."

"Then change the plan," I say through my teeth, pretending I have control over the situation.

"Not today. You'll have to schedule for a different day."

I glare at him. He was being even more insistent than usual. I sigh not wanting to start something in front of Eve, and he shows no suggestion of wavering. "Sorry, can we do it Friday? I can e-mail you the parts I've started. Annalise's at five?"

"That's fine," she says backing away from Talum. "See you later."

After Eve was out of earshot, I spin to face Talum. "Do you have to act like that?" His blue eyes hold my stare, almost distracting me. They are mesmerizing, a prickle crawls up my back. "Like every single person on this earth is a threat."

"It's my job," he answers turning away, as if to continue on as usual. This is how our conversations went—if that's what you call them. It is always his way.

"I get it. And you have no idea how much I appreciate it, but I'm dying over here. I already deal with the constant stares just by you walking around dressed like that." I gesture to the black suit and tie. I think I almost like his police uniform better. "Derek stopped dressing like that the second day. And when you do things like that." I swing my hand back toward the building where Eve retreats inside. "It makes it ten times worse." I slump back against the sun warmed car.

His eyes flare. Was that temper?

"Wait—let me get this straight. You have someone threatening your life, and you're complaining about my wardrobe choices?" His eyes narrow and he shakes his head. "Please, forgive me. I'd hate to displease you, Princess."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't act like you don't notice how everyone treats you. Everyone is so afraid to step on your toes—because 'Charley might have an attack.' No one wants to upset you, so they just bend to your will. But don't expect that from me. All you've done since the moment we met is whine about the little bit of structure I've put in your life—just because it's not exactly what you want to do."

"You don't know anything about me." I glare back at him. Heat rising in my cheeks.

"You had someone threaten you and you're more concerned about the way I dress. It's time to get your priorities straight, and to do that someone has to be willing to tell you the truth."

"Don't act like you understand what I've been through. Come back to me when everyone thinks you're a murderer."

He rolls those blue eyes, scoffing.

The gesture sends fire through my veins, bubbling up until it explodes from my mouth. "Do you know what it feels like to wake up screaming? Afraid of your own shadow? Do you know how it feels to have everyone telling you that you're crazy—that things you saw with your very own eyes, aren't real? Because, I do. And I can tell you that you begin to believe them. You begin to question your own sanity. Do you know what kind of hell that is? When something feels as real as this conversation, and it isn't—you break." My eyes fall from his. The words won't—can't stop. It's like I've been aching to say them, and now that they've started there's no stopping them. "It's easier for me to worry about what you're wearing—" I slow my tongue. "Things I know are real—things other people can see, then to lose myself in my nightmares."

His eyes soften, and he just listens.

A weight lifts from my shoulders as the words spill out. "But if you think I like them coddling me—you're wrong." I sigh meeting his gaze again. "They do everything they can to help me, so I'm not constantly looking back at the shit that I've seen. But to keep it away, I have to let them tell me how to feel—how I should act. Because, I don't trust myself to know the difference." Tears prick the back of my eyes from my sudden revelation, I have no control over my life.

He steps closer to me, rubbing his hands on his jeans before he settles them in his pockets. "It sounds to me," he says slowly—quietly. "That it's time to start making decisions for yourself." His eyes are softer than I've ever seen them. Deep pools of swirling blue, open and honest. "For the remainder of our time—I will always tell you what's real, but you need to believe it yourself first."

He shakes the seriousness from his face and adds with a smirk, "And I'll try to be more conscious of my actions."

It's so strange seeing this softer side of him. It's lighter and enchanting, and I find myself believing him. I consider his words, all this time I thought I'd been doing that, but every time I give in. I bite my cheek. "How much longer do you think that will be?"

"What? I know I'm not great company, but am I really so bad that you're anxious to be rid of me?" He winks.

"Is that a joke? Are we telling jokes now?" I can't help the smile that tugs at my lips. "I'll be honest, I was beginning to think you were a robot."

"Who says I'm not?" He says swinging the rear door of the car open.

"I told you to stop doing that."

"It's all about compromise, Miss Beckett."