Hello Darkness

Chapter Nineteen

I ache to keep driving. To drive away from all my problems-away from all my fears. I want above anything else to be anywhere other than pulling into that driveway. The one I've called home since my parents' death. It holds so many memories both good and bad. So many reminders of the past. But I learned something long ago-I can't run from my past because it would always be a part of me.

"Thanks for doing that," I say, reaching for Talum's hand and stopping him from getting out. It is cooler than I expect, but pleasant against my own warm skin.

He doesn't pull away, and neither do I, but he cocks his head.

"For-helping me forget." I wish it didn't have to end. "My father and I used to go on drives. Not quite like that." I smirk. "But, lazy Sunday drives down the streets of our neighborhood."

He relaxes into his seat to listen.

"Sometimes we got ice cream. Other times we sang so loud to the radio the neighbors would stare. Other times we just drove. It's the fondest memories I have of him." I blink away the tears trying to escape. "Then we would go home and light up the fire pit and cook s'mores with my mom and sister."

He gently sqeezes my hand sending my stomach into summersaults-acknowledging that his hand is still in mine and that it's not an accident. "Well, I've already broke the rules today. Isn't there a fire pit out back?"

~*~

The fire warms my skin as I lay a mossy green blanket across the dew dampened grass. The smoke swirls, tickling my nostrils as I search for the perfect marshmallow stick. I return to the blanket and Talum takes a seat next to me.

The sun sets, letting the constellations and shooting stars out to play. For a moment, I wish I could travel with them, to a far-off planet. The crickets chirp as I shave the end of the stick into a point and stick it in the fire. "What do you paint?"

Talum hands me a marshmallow. He is closer than I expect, just inches stands between our bare skin. "Anything." He watches the flame dance around my stick. "Things that bring me joy, beautiful things. Or things I want to remember just as they are."

"If I painted. I would paint this." I study the sky. "The smoke swirling up, twisting into the sky leading us to the stars."

He doesn't speak, just stares. "Tell me more about your family."

"How about-" I pull my stick from the fire and blow out the marshmallow-nice and burnt. "One for one."

He turns his head, flames dancing in his eyes, and grimaces as I pop it into my mouth.

"What?" I say, my mouth sticking with marshmallow.

"How can you eat it like that? That's awful."

I put up a hand. "Whoa. Agree to disagree."

"Here," he takes the stick from me, "let me show you how a pro does it." I watch him for a moment as he sticks a fresh marshmallow onto the tip and carefully places it near the fire but not in the flame.

"What do you say?"

He takes his eyes off the fire for a moment.
"One for one," he agrees.

"You first. I gave you one earlier." I pull my legs into my chest. "What made you start painting?"

"I mentioned earlier that Selene found me in a dark place..." he turns the stick in the fire, the marshmallow beginning to droop. Slow and meticulous just like he does everything. "Selene always has to have a purpose. When she found me so-broken, I became her purpose. She tried to get me to talk, but I didn't know where to begin-what broken edge to give her first. And I wasn't ready to face them myself. So, one day, she took me into her gallery, where she mostly flings paint on canvas and comes out with more paint on her, and she told me to paint what I felt."

"What did you paint?"

"At first, all of my demons. They were dark. After I finished one, we would talk about it. Over time, they got lighter. I could breathe again..." There is more to tell, but I don't push him. I know what it's like to have secrets you wish no one knew.

"I feel like I can't breathe sometimes. Like the weight of my demons is going to crush me."

"We all have demons Charley, but it's how we choose to deal with them that determines who wins." He pulls the stick from the fire and analyzes the marshmallows doneness. "I burned those paintings and I don't let them control me anymore."

It is the first time he's said my name. Like I'm a person in his world, not a job. A person. His shoulder brushes mine as he turns to face me. My stomach swirls at the touch. The flutter bouncing off every inch of my body until goosebumps cover my arms. He smells refreshing like citrus and rain, mixing with the sweetness of the marshmallow.

He holds it between his fingers, a proud smirk on his lips. "The perfect mallow."

"Since I'm the only one that ate the burnt one, I think I'm the only one qualified to be the judge of that." I shrug.

"Can't argue with logic." He offers it to me, bringing it inches from my lips.

His fingers brush my lips as I take a bite, and I'm thankful the fire has already warmed my cheeks to hide the blush racing down my neck. I cover my mouth with my hand when I catch his eyes lingering.

"Mmm... creamy... smooth. But it's missing a bit of a crunch."

He throws his arms up. "I call a rematch. The judge is biased."

Laughing, I fall back onto the blanket to watch the stars. Something light and fluffy stirs in my stomach, and I bite my lip to hold back a smile. It's the feeling of edging to the top of a coaster, right before you get to the top. When you can't decide if it's panic or excitement, but it's right where you want to be.

Talum lays back next to me, placing his hand beneath his head like a pillow. We watch the fire dance, listening to it crackle until it's flames turn to embers. The best part is, we don't feel the need to fill the space with useless chatter, we can just be. I can't get myself to disturb this peace I have found.

I'll ask him about the man in the morning.