The Sound of Summer

4. I Want To Love You For As Long As Possible

It's been three days since I took my last exam, which means today is the day before graduation. I should be happy, but instead I wake up feeling hollow. Really, today is three days since fighting with Dre. Three days of walking on eggshells. Three days of wishing I knew where we really stand. Ugh, I hate this so much. I'm in the middle of playing my "sad bitch hours" playlist and wallowing in my sadness when Claire and Sifiso come barging into my room.

"You aren't up already? Come on Lungi we have a big day ahead of us! What with band rehearsal and graduation preparations," Claire says as she flings herself on to my bed to wake me up. I want to smile, but I can't find it in myself to. I bury my head in my pillow and scream instead. When I turn back to her, her eyes are tender as ever.

"What's wrong?" she asks me. I can see she is already putting together a hit-list. It doesn't take her long to secure her number one spot. Sifiso closes the door behind him and joins us on my bed.

"I just feel so fucking gross inside. Do you think I can skip graduation prep today?" Claire studies me carefully and then hits me lightly with a pillow.

"First of all, none of that no graduation prep shit, okay? And second of all, is someone's son still making you feel gross? Because if he is, I'll fucking kill him," she says with such sheer severity I know she means it. It warms my heart so much, I can't help but become teary-eyed.

"I don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much, so fucking much and he makes me the happiest I have ever been, but... he also makes me so angry. Do you know he got mad at me the other day cause I didn't cum and then got off in the shower? Can you fucking imagine that? The worst fucking thing is I apologized first! Why the fuck am I so weak?"

"You're not weak Lungi," Sifiso says and cradles me in his arms. I nestle my head into his chest and exhale deeply.

"Yeah, she is," Claire says matter-of-factly. Sifiso hits her with a pillow. "Ow! What? She is!" Claire turns to face me.  "You're weak as fuck when it comes to love. You should never be afraid to ask for what you want. Sex is about you as much as it is about him. You should never apologize for masturbating, you should never apologize for not cumming, and you have every right to be pissed off! I don't even blame you though your boyfriend is a fucking wet blanket." The comment makes me laugh a bit and immediately lifts my mood.

"Fuck off you bitch that's my wet blanket you're talking about!" I say, already feeling much better. Sifiso looks at us with confusion as Claire and I start laughing.

"Listen Lungi, you are the smartest, fiercest, strongest bitch I know. I'm not gonna disrespect you by telling you what to do you about Dre. You know what the right thing for you is, and I'm backing you no matter what, okay?"

"Where would I be without you Claire Demain?" I say as I hug her tightly and laugh into her shoulder. Sifiso 'awws' over our moment and decides to join in our hug.

"I find it hard to believe you have no weakness at all when it comes to love Claire," Fiso says with a suspicious smirk on his face. For the very first time in my life, I see Claire blush.

She turns her face away from him before she answers.

"Well, I didn't say I have no weaknesses." I'm waiting for the cheeky rebuttal, for the come back that will silence him, but she says nothing. This is really fucking weird.

"Are you guys flirting right now? Because absolutely no way is this relationship ever fucking happening while I'm around. Understood?" I say, sounding a lot sterner and angrier than I knew I felt. They glance around awkwardly and shrug my comment off. Claire is the first to respond.

"Please, I eat boys like him for breakfast," Claire says, but I swear she lacks conviction when she says it. "Okay Fiso, get out it's time for us to talk about girly things," Claire says as she pushes him out of my room. It's a short while before she comes back in.