The Sound of Summer

17. I'm Tired

"Claire?" I say, and her face drops like a stone. She seems surprised to me like I'm the one mining through her fridge at 3am.

"What are you doing here?" I ask her, but I already know the answer. She's in nothing but Sifiso's t-shirt. My stomach turns and I start to feel sick. How many more people are going to turn their back on me? First Dre, then my dad. The last person I ever expected to betray me is my best friend.

"Lungi, I swear I can explain," her voice is frantic and panicked, and she tries to pull Sifiso's shirt to cover herself up more. It sets something in me off, and suddenly I see red. She lied to me.

"What's there to explain? You're fucking my brother," I say a bit too loudly. Claire flinches and takes a step away from me. She's like a deer caught in headlights. I can't fucking believe her.

"We were going to tell you Lungi I promise you,"She says, defeated and I can only laugh in response. What a pathetic thing to say. There's always we would have, but the point is they didn't. They've been fucking behind my back this entire time. Suddenly she isn't Claire anymore, she's not my best friend, she's my enemy. I don't hold back the venom that comes out of my mouth next.

"Holy shit! This entire time you made me feel like I was crazy for thinking something was going on with you two and now I find you half naked in my kitchen at booty-call hours? Jesus fucking Christ Claire! Have some respect for yourself!" I spit the words at her, not caring about how loud or cruel I'm being. She lied to me, about this of all things. I have every right to be pissed off.

"What the fuck, Lungi? Why are you being like this?" She asks me, starting to raise her voice at me.

"Maybe it's because my best friend is fucking my brother!" I say louder, just to show her I can.

"Yeah so I am! So what Lungi? Other than you, he's my best friend," she says defensively. Usually Claire doesn't snap back when it comes to me. I hardly ever talk to her in this way, but I'm so far from myself I don't think about it.

"I know you Claire. I know how you are with boys. You said it yourselves you eat boys like Sifiso for breakfast." Those were her words exactly the day of graduation prep. I knew they were being too flirty for comfort, but I chose to trust them. This is what I get for it.

"I had to say that! Fuck, Lungi you were gonna rip my head off for having feelings for him what was I supposed to do?" She says, and I see she's getting emotional. I know my words are hurting her. A small voice in my head tells me I'm blowing things out of proportion, that I'm fucking things up colossally, but the voice isn't loud enough. I can't stop the words from coming out.

"Feelings? I thought you were from the streets Claire! You catch everything but feelings," she flinches and I see her break behind her eyes. Something switches in them, and I see I've gone too far.

"I can't believe you just said that to me," she says it like a whisper and the words hang over us heavier than ever.

"I can't believe you've been lying to me this whole time," I say, though half-heartedly. I don't want to fight with Claire. I don't want this to be happening. But my pride, my ego, whatever poison that lives in me won't let me.

"You know what? Fuck you Lungi!" she says and takes a big step towards me. I have to step away from her, because small as she is, Claire could beat the shit out of me. Sifiso's door swings open and he watches us sleepy, he's half-asleep and seems startled by what's going on

"Oh really?" I say, coaxing her, but my anger has already disappeared. I'm at a point of no return. As fucked up as it sounds, it doesn't feel like I have the option to go back on everything I've said. I have to keep going now.