The Sound of Summer

12. No Le Perteneces

The worst part about the breakup is realizing how much of Dre exists in my world, even when he's not around. Some days are much easier than others and I can go almost the whole day without thinking about him. Having the band over 4 out of 7 days of the week makes it a lot easier to focus on other things like Dom teaching Monte how to flirt, or Iman and Dom goofing off in between songs. Days like today are harder, and it starts to feel like I may never stop hurting. To anybody else, maybe today is just a normal day. There is nothing special about June 24th to them. Or maybe there is, and they're filled to the brim with joy. It's his birthday today, and all the memories hit me like a ton of bricks.

I'm sitting on the couch watching Avatar the Last Airbender, because it's his favorite show. I miss him a lot, though I know it's all been for the best. It's been a month since we broke, and in that month it's taken everything I have not to text or call him. I've never wanted to have shitty relationships with my exes, but at this point I don't see how we're ever gonna find our way back to each other as friends. I gave in today, and I sent him a Happy Birthday text. It had no loving message, no emojis because I knew it would cause way too many confusing emotions in both of us. He didn't text a reply, he simply loved the message and left it like that. I was upset at first, but realized I had no right to be. Now, I'm huddled on the couch in his clothes, watching his favorite TV show, trying my hardest not to think about him.

"Lungi, I've gotta rush to Union Square to pick up my guitar from repairs. I'll be back in like an hour," Sifiso says as he walks from wherever he came from to right in front of the TV.

"You're blocking the TV," I say, though there's no real emotion in my voice.

"I know it's hard, but let yourself be happy today," he says leaning down to kiss me on the head.

"I am happy. See?" I force a smile that I can only assume looks painful. Sifiso playfully hits me with a pillow, and then keels down in front of me.

"We can talk about it when I come back, if you want. Ma says she'll be back around 5 today so you should take out the chicken to defrost," He says it as he stands and walks towards the door.

"Okay. Be safe out there please," i say, blankly though he knows that I mean what I'm saying. He promises and then leaves the apartment. I realize shortly after that he left his keys, so I decide to leave the door unlocked so he can come back in and I won't have to stand up again.

If Dre and I were together, today we would have gone to his favorite café for breakfast and then spent the rest of the day either in the park or on my roof. We would've watched movies, and cuddled, maybe reminisced about how we were when we started dating. The day would have ended with me giving him his gift, and maybe we would have gotten a little freaky once everyone was asleep. It would've been perfect, except for the part where we would've been arguing the entire time, only to try fix our problems with sex.

I don't know how much time passes when I hear the doorbell ring.

"It's open Sifiso," I say, not turning my head away from the TV. The door opens tentatively and then closes shut.

"Well if this isn't a sad sight, I don't know what is," the voice says and I really immediately that's its Dominic not Sifiso. I sit up quickly, embarrassed that he's seeing me in this state. Then, I remember that he has a knack for catching me lacking and I relax a little bit.

"Oh it's you," I say back, not meaning to sound disinterested but failing miserable. He chuckles as he sets his things down.

"At least pretend you're excited to see me, cariño," he says, faking that he's hurt. he sits down beside me and seems to take in the reality of what he's seeing. I'm wearing my ex boyfriend's clothes, watching cartoons and the floor is littered with snack wrappers and ice cream tubs.