The Sound of Summer

10. Why Are You Like This?

"Thanks, Claire."  I offer her a weak smile though there's really no emotion behind it. I feel so much hurt and anger that I feel nothing. I feel... blank.

I take a few hits from the joint, and feel a bit better once I'm high.

"How are you feeling?" She asks me tentatively, like she doesn't want to upset me.

"I don't know. He was waiting here when I got home. Everything got fucked up really quickly." I'm thinking about a lot more thing than I'm saying. The best part about being stoned, is being able to see your problems from a bird's eye view.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She says, digging into the milk and cookies ice cream. It's funny how different we are when we're in this state.

How different we are in general despite growing up together.

My mind wanders to last night, when her and Sifiso left for a smoke. And then never came back. My brain goes from one thought to another, going down an endless rabbit hole before the words come out of my mouth.

"Is there something going on between you and Sifiso?" Claire stops midway through taking another spoonful of ice cream. She looks at me cautiously, her face not betraying any emotions.

"What?" She says carefully, studying me like I might explode.

"Is there something going on between you and my brother?" I ask again, harsher this time. I turn to face her, face blank and dead serious.

"I can't believe you're asking me this," she says and nervously laughs. I know in my heart I shouldn't keep pressing, but I feel like arguing so I do. I can't stop it when the words keep coming out.

"You heard me. You flirt a lot, like that day before graduation. You're always together. You were the first person he went to when he got off stage at Baby's All Right. And you were so distracted with each other that you left me at AJ's house last night. So, yeah I guess I am seriously asking you this." The idea of the two of them together makes me sick in a way I've never been before. They're practically siblings for starters, and they've already proven that when they get distracted, the completely forget about me.

"Okay, I know you're hurting, Lungi but you're being an asshole right now," she says, but she completely dodges answering.

"It's a pretty simple question Claire." I press on, getting harsher every time I say something.

"No, there's nothing going on between me and Sifiso. Jesus, Lungi we grew up together. Other than you, he's my closest friend. I'm sorry that we left without you, but honestly I thought you left with Dre. We asked everyone at the party and everyone swore you did." I'm getting upset about it all over again, and for some reason can't let it go. They left me there.

"You didn't think to check on me after the fight Dré and I had?" I say, raising my voice a little

"I didn't know you guys had fought until you called this morning, remember? I said I'm sorry," she stands up and walks towards my desk opting to sit over there instead of on my bed. Good going.

Lungi maybe you're taking this too far, I think but I'm too deep into my argument to stop myself. It's like I'm moving on autopilot.

"Right, because you two left to smoke a joint and the. Never came back. It doesn't take hours to do that, so where were you guys?" I keep pressing her. I know she would never lie to me, let alone about something like this but getting the puss in my heart out starts to make me feel better.

"Where the fuck is this coming from, Lungi? Since when does my life revolve around you?" She asks me, and I flinch in response. Things have gone way too far and I didn't want it to be like this.