Before You

Chapter 89

I'm sitting on the shower floor letting the hot water work out the tension in my muscles. The events from yesterday have really taken a toll on me. My heart hurts and I feel like I'm in constant fear of something going wrong. I've been let down so many times in my life and all I want is to be happy. I feel like the walls Eli broke down this summer have all been built up in the last 24 hours.
I jumped a little when I heard my name being called. I slowly get up off the floor and turn off the water. I wrap the towel around me and wipe off the mirror with my hand. My left cheek has a bruise from Ryan slapping me. I look away not liking what I see. My cheek is so black and blue that it's painful to look at. I need to forget about it. I put on my leggings and one of Eli's hoodies. The smell of him is on his hoodie which brings instant comfort over me.
I hear my name being called again followed up by an annoyed Eli "she's in the shower. Give her time."
I can just see him rolling his eyes at whoever it is. I open the door and go toward the bedroom. I just can't spend time in there. Not yet anyway.
Eli must have caught a quick glance of me and came to our room. "Baby, Annie's here to see you."
I look at him before looking at the floor "I can't go out there." He tilted my chin up so I'd make contact with him. "Yes, you can baby. Come on out there."
I start to get really anxious and shake my head no and get teary eyed. "I can't do it. Please don't make me. Please." Eli looked into my eyes and said "I won't ever make you do anything you don't want to. You don't have to go out there."
"You promise?" I search his eyes for an answer.
"I promise."
I exhale in relief. "Do you want me to send Annie in?"
I shake my head and say "no."
Eli looks so surprised by my response. "Babe, they flew all the way here because they're worried about you and want to make sure you're okay."
"That's the thing though, I'm not okay. I'm far from okay. I don't need to be anyone's charity case."
I started to cry.
"Em, talk to me then!"
"About what though?"'
"Anything you want to!"
"My heart... it's breaking..."
Eli looked at me with such empathy and took my hand and brought me to our bed to sit.
"Your heart isn't breaking. Yesterday was a hard and scary day. You're going to come out on top." I shook my head and replied softly. "I don't think you understand what I'm saying, Eli."
"Then help me understand."
I sigh and look at my fingers that I started playing with. Right when I was about to start talking Jonathan yells for Eli and I look at him and say "we can talk later. Go spend time with your cousin."
He quizzically looks at me and let's out a deep breath. "I can stay here and talk."
I shook my head "go and spend time with him. We can talk later." I got up from the end of the bed and kissed his cheek. "I'm just going to try to sleep anyway. I love you, Eli." With that he kisses me and says "I love you, Em. I'll be in the other room. Just yell for me if you need me." I nod my head and walk to my side of the bed and get under the covers. Eli comes over to me once more and kisses me before exiting our room.