oneshots || anime x reader

the 25th bam × reader II

I honestly always forget to say that (I'm an idiot!!) but I wanna thank all of you for reading my work!!! almost 300 views!!!!
ur all so nice and funny and honestly I couldn't have asked for more uwu (y'all I'm sorry I sound so sappy I'm just so so happy wiehwis)

prompt: bam almost lost you, and he doesn't like that one bit.

it's set during the hell train arc, but it  doesn't really involve any part of it specifically so no spoilers!

-

You tried not to mind it, the aching feeling growing in your chest as you prepared to leave this place.

It was a decision made after weeks of thinking, and while it was not one you enjoyed, you were sure things could only get better for you by getting off of this damned train.
You tried not to be selfish, and to cast aside those ever growing feelings of yours, but you were finally done trying your best, just to chase after someone who could never see you in the same light as you did with him.

Bam was an amazing person, a star that shone even during the darkest nights and showed the way for everyone else; he was your complete opposite, but even then, you hoped for some kind of miracle.
And yet, all he ever thought about was Rachel, a girl who wanted nothing but to see the stars, and who was ready to throw everything away to reach that goal; she was someone who managed to obtain the one thing you had desired for so long, Bam's love and affection, and someone who would always come first in his eyes, no matter what she did.

You desperately tried to ignore that, telling yourself that someday he would see you as well, but after years of running after him, you wanted nothing but peace. You were aware it was going to hurt at first, but for the sake of your own well-being, you were more than okay with a little pain.
So you ignored the tears welling in your eyes, spilling on the folded clothes as you closed you bags; you also tried to ignore Khun's judgemental stare, as he stood right beside the door of your room.

"So you're actually going to leave? What about the others?" You sighed, rubbing an arm on your face so you could wipe off the tears, before turning to look at him.

"I'm sorry Khun, you know I am, but this is not going to last forever. I just want to climb alone for a little while, so I can come back to you guys without these stupid feelings."

He didn't say anything, deciding to just walk up to you and to bring you closer to him; one of his hands was placed on the top of your head, running through your hair as you hugged each other silently.
He didn't even have to, you knew what he was just telling you to be safe and to stay out of trouble; ever since you started climbing the tower, he had taken you under his wings, behaving the brother you always wished you had.

"Just so you know, if he ever asks, I'm going to tell him everything." You opted to simply hum, not trusting your own voice; you knew you would just become too emotional, so you decided to cherish those last moments with your best friend.

-

The only thing you could hear was the sound of yourfootsteps, as you reached the exit of the train, to stop at the station on the 38th floor.
You knew the others were busy with the floor test in that exact moment, so if you wanted to get off the transport, you had to be quick.
If anyone other than Khun were to find you, you were sure your resolution would crumble into thin air; god knows what would happen if-

"(Y/n)!" As the doors were opening, and you were almost out of the train, the wind got knocked out of you, and you fell down, due to the impact with someone else's body.

As you opened her eyes, the first thing you saw were two pools of golden, looking at you with a mix of worry and sadness flowing through them; as you paid more attention to your surroundings, you noticed he had fallen almost on top of you, his arms keeping him a couple of inches away from you.

"Are you... going to leave me as well?" All the words you wanted to say were suddendly stuck in your throat, your mind still processing what was happening, while trying to come up with a plausible explanation; deep down though, you were more than aware that any kind of excuse you were going to come up with would sound selfish and cruel, something that would hurt Bam greatly. And so, you took a deep breath, preparing yourself as you looked straight into his eyes, trying to ignore the pain-striken expression he was giving you.

"It won't be forever, but I need time to-"

"You can't!" You flinched, startled by his loud and desperate tone of voice, as his fists tightened, in an attempt to control himself.

"I can't lose you too, not after I got all of you back..." his voice cracked, his eyes dampening as he collapsed on you, his face buried in the nape of your neck. And you prayed, to whoever was watching you from the starry night, from outside the tower even, not to let your emotion ruin everything, because you could not stay one day longer by Bam's side, without feeling that overwhelming affection, that ran deep enough in your heart to risk you getting crazy. 

"I can't do it anymore Bam... I can't... sit through days of suffering like this! So I want to start travelling alone for a little while, and hopefully forget about this unrequired love." 

You both sat up, on the cold floor of the train, as you sobbed and rambled about your current predicament. "I can't stay with you, not when all you do is follow that girl. And I get how important she is for you, I get how desperately you wanted for her to notice you and to reciprocate those feelings of yours; she has been your star for so long, the main force behind your improvement, be it a good reason or a bad one. I will never replace her, so I want to give up the kind of love I feel for you, so I can come back and become the friend you want me to me."

As you talked, Bam's eyes never left your face, only widening once he understood what you meant; he could only blush, whether out of embarrassment or guilt you didn't know, his hands slightly trembling as he grasped yours.
And when you thought he had finally come to term with your decision, he lunged at you, hugging you as he tried to say something, only for it to result in some incoherent mumbling.

"Bam, I can't understand you..." You tried to put a little distance between the two of you, but all he did was tightening his grip, as he took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down; and only then, after a couple of minutes, he released you, his hands settling on your shoulders.

"I... I don't know if those feelings you talked about are the same as what I'm experiencing with you... I'm not completely sure at least. But!" He spoke with such tenderness, as his words came out a little shaky, and his eyes moved to look at the ground. "I know you're really special for me, and I want to be able to give you an answer!" 

He looked at you again, the breeze coming from the outside gently swaying his hair; he looked extremely beautiful, the feeble sun rays making his eyes look like the prettiest jewels you had ever seen.

"Please stay with me for a little longer, until we can finally get a bit of peace. Then, I'll give you my answer, and if you're not satisfied with that, I'll let you leave!" You wanted to curse him, and the love you felt for him; and yet, you found yourself entranced with him, and with his endless charisma. And you told yourself, maybe I can bear this a bit more.

Just for him, and for the future that waited for the both of you.

-

while I was talking with a friend of mine, she told me I'm a little better at writing angst and honestly yeah
the fluff part of this is just so awkward and boring omg but oh well HAHAAH
+this is the start of a couple of angst oneshots so buckle up bros, this is just the start