It's okay to love something a little too much, as long as it's real to you

Triple glazing

2004

Gerard was so tired of staring out the same window and looking out at the same moving world beyond the tinted glass. Triple gazing, which Gerard found strange. These tour buses where expensive. He had spent a whole week inside the bus. Only leaving for shows and occasionally interviews and if he did go out which was extremely rare he wasn't ever alone.

Trying to quit on the road was the worst and best decision he'd made in his career so far. But he was so bummed out. He'd spent a lot of time drawing but now the thought of picking up a pencil or brush irritated him. He'd nearly smoked his pack of smokes and mikey was somewhere on the bus with frank talking about him in a hushed voice and Bert still hadn't called him. Every thing sucked but he didn't feel like he like he wanted to kill himself...which was a plus.

"...he's doing really well.." Gerard lifted his head off his hand which he'd been leaning on. He could hear the hushed conversation between his brother and Rhythm guitarist. "...he isn't eating though, he's not happy.."
Gerard huffed and shook his head. Glaring at the floor before returning his hand to his face and leaning on it again. Movement caught his eye and he looked to the left w little bit more, out through the window and sat up excitedly. Bert was out there. And now he could hear that chaotic giggling. Gerard made a move to open the window and shout his name but as he watched Bert he realised his wasted the fucker was and he sank back into the sofa immediately.
Couldn't Bert lay off the booze for one day? So he can come on the bus and hangout?
Gerard was no longer just bummed out, he was now bummed out and depressed.

He silently watched Bert from the bus, lost deep in the jungle maze of his head he didn't even notice frank quietly join him on the sofa. "Hey..." he offers a warm smile and a mug of fresh coffee which Gerard took eagerly. "Thanks" Gerard returns the smile but there's no warmth.
He glanced through the window, Bert was gone.
"How you holding?" Franks asks softly, nosing through some of the drawing Gerard had done. "This is cool"
Gerard glanced at the drawings and nods. He wasn't in the mood. Why couldn't his bandmates get that? He didn't want to talk or do something to help distract himself he just wanted Bert to stop sucking bottles until they're dry and come be with him. Clearly that was too much for the tiny fucker. Unlike Bert, frank had been very supportive. Making sure he ate and stayed hydrated. Taking him out to the store to buy cigarettes and making sure he didn't drink the cough medicine. The fucker had punched it out of his hand before he could take a sip of that gooey liquid. Orange flavoured. He preferred strawberry. Banana was just fucking rank.

"Thanks..." Gerard mumbles, bringing the hot mug to his lips and blowing into it. It was too hot to drink yet. If he did he'd burn his tongue.
Frank was about to open his mouth and make another attempt at conversation until there's a loud thud outside the bus. Glass shattering "what the fuck?" Frank attempts to look out from the window bit suddenly the bus door is ripped open and in tumbled in McCracken. "Bert!?" Mikey cries out. "What the hell?"
Bert staggers on the spot but doesn't look wasted. Instead he looks like a deer caught in headlights but if the deer was a manic eyed crack head.
"Where's Gerard?" Bert slurs. He was in a state again. Bert had started early. The used had a morning show and now Bert free to do whatever and of course that was booze and coke. He'd been drunk since nine AM and his side was hurting where his liver should be but he wasn't stopping anytime soon.
"He's in the back..." mikey attempted to block Berts way of getting to the back. Not that Bert had tried to yet. "..Err listen dude, it's not a good idea for you to be here-"
"Ha duuude" Bert laughs drunkenly. "Always sound weird com'n out of your mouth Mikes" Bert's grin his mess just like the rest of him.
Gerard and frank had joined the scene, both of them standing in the hallway by the bunks.
"Bert?" Gerard has a horrified look on his face. He was happy to see Bert sure but not like this. Not a whole bottle of  jack Daniels Bert.
"Hey!" Bert's face lights up excitedly. "I lost my phone" he says immediately. "I don't know where it is..." he goes on drunkenly. "That's why I didn't call you" he looks apologetic as he swayed on the spot and Gerard's heart melted a little. He was smiling in such a way that made Gerard weak but he had to stay strong. He knew what Bert was trying to do. He was trying to weasel his way onto the bus drunk even though he'd been asked and told not to. Gerard was trying to Get clean and sober and Bert...clean and sober and Bert aren't a match.

"It's fine Bert" Gerard sighs. Shaking his head. "Is that it?" Noticing how Bert's now standing there just smiling at him.
"What?"
"Is that it Bert?" Gerard huffs.
"That what?" Bert looks confused. "Oh! Yeah I just wanted to tell you so you didn't think I was intentionally not calling you" he explained.
"Okay." Gerard nods once and makes a move to go back to the back of the bus.
"Are you mad at me?" Bert asks. Looking between mikey, glaring at frank and looking dopey at Gerard.
"He's trying to get sober man" frank glared back. "Be fucking respectable and leave"
"The fuck you say?" Bert growls.
"If you want to come on this bus you can't drink or be on something" frank took a harder stance.
"Frank it's fine, he knows" Gerard sighs.
"Like you know shit about respect"
Bert spat. "You mist be feeling pretty big HA"
"Bert!-"
"News flash frank your smaller than an ant!" Bert snaps.
"I'm nearly as tall as you what makes-"
"Neeeeaaaaaarrrrllllyyyy!" Bert drags out to tease frank.
"Bert!" Gerard snaps again. This time getting the attention of Bert. "Get off my bus" he says sternly and Bert pulls a face immediately. "What?" He asks. "Are you serious?"
"Yes!" Gerard cries. "I can't be around you when your...like this!"
Bert chews his lip and Gerard wanted to tell him to stop and cuddle up with him. Smell him and hear his heart. But he knows what Bert would smell like. And he can't smell that...or be around that right now.
"Do your not mad?" Bert asks. "At me?"
"No! I'm mad that your drunk and on my bus though" Gerard's voice cracks slightly. "I told you!"
Bert hangs his head a little. "Ywah" he agrees. "If I sober up-"
"No. Stay sober tomorrow and have a shower and then come on my bus" Gerard demands. Staring dead into Bert's eyes hoping his drunken mind would understand how much he needs Bert to do that.
"Okay" Bert agrees. Turning around a little and making his way to the bus door. "See you tomorrow pretty" Bert's grin his so goofy. Gerard watched as he disappeared off the bus and sighs. Shaking his head.
"Do you think he'll stay sober?"
Mikey asks, peering out the window and watching Bert outside.
"Nope." Frank says quickly and Gerard just crawls into his bunk.