King Agnarr's Journal

Secrets

Iduna and I have kept many secrets from our girls for one reason or another. Mainly because, well they are simply too painful to talk about. My secrets were at times, a bit more difficult to keep because my body is covered in scars from the abuse I recieved as a teenager and young adult. Iduna always made sure to have the royal seamstresses cover as much of my skin as possible with my uniforms. Though sometimes, even my clothing could not hide them. On a summer afternoon when the girls were teenagers, I took off the coat part of my uniform because I was simply too warm. Leaving me in just a normal undershirt at did not cover as much as my jacket did. Without warning, Iduna and Anna opened the door and entered the room. Iduna said that my face went pale before I stood up and grabbed my jacket. But it was too late, Anna had seen some of them. I put my uniform back on and pretended as if there was nothing to worry about. Now Anna is inquisitive, just like her mother and had no hesitation when she asked.
"What were all those scars from father? Did you recieve them in the Navy?"
Iduna bit down on her lip hard, this was not good. What were we going to say to her? Our silence only made Anna more curious.
"What is wrong?"
She asked and Iduna turned to her, putting a hand on the side of her face.
"I do not think that your father wants to talk about those."
Anna tried to speak but Iduna rushed her out of the room before she could. Iduna returned a bit later, looking very unhappy.
"I'm very sorry Agnarr, I did tell her to knock before entering."
I looked at her and sighed, feeling fustrated and sad.
"I know you did not mean to come in. It was my fault, I should have had my uniform on..."
Iduna was clearly upset and nothing I said ever made her feel better. I think its because she did not want to make an elaborate lie for Anna. Which I completely understand, the last thing I wanted to do was to come up with a story about how I got all of these scars. Later that evening, Anna apologized for coming into my office unannounced and promised that she would never do it again. I was just happy that she did not inquire more about them. Though I am sure that Iduna told her not to ask. One other time, I was in the library reading and studying navigational charts. It got very warm in the room due to the large windows so I again removed my jacket. It was only a few minutes before Elsa and Iduna entered the room. I had forgotten that Iduna was going to teach Elsa etiquette in the library that day. When Elsa saw the scars, her reaction was a bit different than Anna's. Her hand cupped her mouth and her eyes widened. She looked like she was in complete shock. I quickly pulled my jacket up over my body and Iduna just put her head in her hands. I simply cleared my throat before stating.
"I am sorry, I had forgotten that you had a lesson in here today."
I hoped that Elsa would not be inquisitive since she was usually a quiet child. But no, she wanted to know more about my scars.
"Wait, father please.. how long have you had those? There were so many.. why have you not shown me these before..? Does Anna know?"
Iduna rubbed her temples, the likelihood of them having any sort of lesson that morning was gone. Iduna turned to Elsa so that Agnarr did not have to speak.
"Elsa, your father does not want to talk about those. Come, we can have our lesson in another room."
But Elsa was headstrong, just like her mother.
"But what happened? Can I at least know that?"
I turned to face them and looked at Elsa.
"No Elsa, I do not wish to speak of my scars. You two may stay in here, I have got the books that I needed."
Elsa reached out and grabbed my arm.
"Please daddy..."
I am not sure why Elsa wanted to know so badly, but I believe that it was just plain curiousity. Iduna took Elsa's hand and held it.
"Your father has been through enough, let us leave him alone so that we can continue our lesson Elsa."
Needless to say, the lesson was short and Iduna was fustrated. We really did want to tell the girls, but we did not know how they would take it. Especially Elsa, since she is just a bit more sensitive when it comes to her feelings than Anna is. But we couldn't bring ourselves to tell them. Simply because it could lead to many other questions that I do not wish to answer. There will be a day when Iduna and I tell them, but it isn't the right time now.