King Agnarr's Journal

Inadequate

After Iduna told me about her past and how she saved my life, I felt as if I needed to pay her back in a way. She needed to be treated like a angel, because she was my guardian angel that day. I would buy her jewelry and expensive things, she was appreciative of course but often said that these gifts were unnecessary. I felt as if I didn't even know my own wife very well. What could I give her to make her feel like she is appreciated? She would always tell me that she was happy and did not need to be pampered. But I wanted to repay her for saving me. I think I only brought on more worry for her though when I became over protective of Elsa. Her concern was completely understandable and fitting for the situation. She always knew how to make me feel better or make me happy, but I did not feel as if I could do the same for her. It only got worse after the accident. She was always such a bright light in everyones life but her light faded when the girls were separated. I did my best to make her happy but I struggled when it came to understanding how she felt.

It was so incredibly fustrating to me that I could not make my wife happy. Anything she asked for, I would get for her but it just wasn't the same. She needed me emotionally and unfortunately, my emotions had been suppressed ever since my teenage years. One day, she did end up getting angry at me. Something that was relatively rare for Iduna, she was always very level headed. She asked why I couldn't understand how she felt and I had no answer. I didn't know what to say. So she stormed out of the castle and went for a ride on her horse. At that point, I thought she may ride away and not return. I can't say that I would have blamed her for doing so, the castle had become a prison for all of us. I did not tell either of the girls because I did not want to worry them, but deep down I was afraid that I had lost her.

She returned very late that night and tried to apologize for her behavior but I told her that she had nothing to apologize for. I apologized for being an inadequate husband and a poor excuse for a father. I think she realized how I felt that day and it broke her heart. She never understood why I tried to pamper or buy gifts for her. Now she did and it made her sad to think that I had felt this way for years. We spent the night together, doing some things we hadn't done in many years. It was a night of healing for both of us, I believe. We needed a spark to reignite the love in our marriage. Luckily, we did that night and have been able to support one another better ever since.