I Love You Keith

Memorial

*WARNING: brief mention of self harm*

Keith POV

The next few days were all a blur. I remember a lot of hugging and crying, but not much else. Adam did most of the crying, I just sat in silence, trying not to scream. We were headed to the memorial service that was being held for Shiro, Matt, and Mr.Holt. I sat in the car with Adam, Pidge and Mrs.Holt in silence. Me and Adam were in suits, and the Holts were in dresses. Pidge rarely wore dresses, along with her mother. The suit I had was one Shiro had picked for me to wear to him and Adam's wedding, which now would never happen. It was a little big, but it was the only suit I owned. Adam had on a rumpled suit, from I don't know where, and his hair was flat.  He reeked like he hadn't showered in days, and you could faintly smell booze. He had probably gotten into Shiro's stash. But luckily, he didn't have much, and he'd sobered up for the service. I gave it a few weeks at most before he got back into a new normal, possibly involving a beer or two. But Crutis would wean him off of it. He was a nice guy, and he knew Adam back from their Garrison days. Mrs.Holt would help herself and Pidge. And me?  I didn't know what would happen to me. Everything from the past few days was blurry. Like the world was background noise. What Iverson said kept playing through my head, over and over again, on repeat. I couldn't get it out of my head.

The service went quickly. They were given full military honors. I remember a long speech about how there sacrifice wasn't in vain, and how they were heroes. They gave Adam Shiro's other set of dog tags, along with a flag in a box. Me and Adam stood and placed some flowers on the empty casket, then watched silently as they were lowered into the ground. The others were there too, but farther back. When we got back to the Garrison, everyone gathered in the cafeteria. We were swarmed by friends and family alike, along with people we didn't know. Everyone was telling us how sorry they were, and asking us how we were doing. Pidge and her mom were greeted by two older couples, and his fellow coworkers consoled Adam, who had begun crying.

I couldn't stand the sight of it anymore, so I went to room. I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling. Then everything from the past few days came crashing down on me, and I started crying. I was full on sobbing, body shaking, big, fat tears running down my face. I staggered into the bathroom, and looked into the mirror. I was shocked by what I saw. I had small bags under my eyes, and my cheeks were red and blotchy. I had little stubs of hair on my chin, and my eyes looked like a crazy man's. I reached for my razor, hand shaking. I almost had it to my face when I dropped it, and it cut the side of my hand. I hissed in pain, but then stopped. The skin where it had cut had almost no blood, and it was already scabbing over. For the first time in almost a week, I had felt something, if only momentarily, other than sadness. I pulled up part of my sleeve, and shakily raised the razor towards it, but I stopped. I had heard about people doing this. They got addicted to it, like a drug, and didn't stop. Sometimes it even killed them. Hands shaking, I put the razor down. No, I wouldn't do it. I had Adam, and James, and Pidge, and Kinkade. They'd help me get through this. I didn't need to do it. I wouldn't. I left the bathroom before I changed my mind, and returned to the cafeteria.

To my surprise, I saw Micheal, John and our foster parents. They were talking to Adam, who, for the first time in a while, was smiling and laughing. When they saw me they smiled "Keith! It's so good to see you!" Our mom cried out, pulling me into a hug. I chuckled "Hi Mom." Yes, that right, I called this set of foster parents mom and dad. What? They had earned it. They made me feel like I was part of the family, and they did whatever they could to make me and Shiro comfortable. "Oh, you've gotten so big. Ah, still keeping your hair long I see." I smiled "Yeah." "And from what I hear, you have a boyfriend now too?" My dad said. I felt my face heat up a bit and I nodded. "Yeah." "Well, bring him over. I wanna meet him. Make sure he's treating you right." Micheal smiled "Yeah, I wanna meet this kid. Must be pretty nice if your picky ass likes him." I had been a really picky eater when I was younger, and it had made dinners somewhat complicated. But I had gotten over it. I sighed "Fine. I'll go get him." I left them and began searching for James. When I finally found him, he was sitting in a corner with Kinkade, Veronica, Rizavi and Ina. "James come on, my family wants to meet you." He raised an eyebrow "Wait, what?" I rolled my eyes "My foster family came down for the memorial and they want to meet you." A look of realization swept over his face "Ohhh. Okay. Later guys." I took his hand and we began back towards my parents. They'd really like James. He was polite, and always formal when it came to adults. 

*quick description of foster family*

Micheal- Black hair, taller than Keith, about same height as James, lean

John-Little taller than Adam, black hair, muscley

Mom- short black hair, about Adam's height

Dad- buzzcut, black hair, Adam's height

*Alright carry on*

"Hey Keith, how come I haven't met them before?" I shrugged "They live out in the country, and its a pretty long drive. And they have work and stuff." He nodded and we continued walking. When him and Micheal spotted each other, their jaws dropped. "Micheal?" "James?" Then they smiled and hugged each other. "Dude, where you been?" Micheal asked, smiling. "Here. Long time no see." James responded with a smile. "So, you're my lil bro's boyfriend. Finally got over Matthew." James rolled his eyes "Please, he was in love with you. Besides, Keith's way better." Micheal's jaw dropped again, and his face went pink. "He what?" James rolled his eyes "He liked you, you idiot. Looking back, it kinda makes sense." Micheal continued gaping like a fish. "Okay, what's happening?" I asked, stepping forward. "Oh, right." James said, turning towards me. "This is the Micheal that Matthew liked. And apparently he never told him." I just stared at him in shock. "Really?" I asked, and James nodded. "Really." Meanwhile, Micheal was a blushing mess and looking like he was about to have a panic attack. "Wait, Matthew liked me? He liked- fuck it all makes sense now- oh my god! Shit shit shit shit." "Micheal, you good?" He looked at me and smiled "Yeah. It's just a lot to process, you know? My best friend who James liked once and moved to North Carolina liked me?" John patted him on the back. "You're fine. Stop having a bisexual panic. Here." He said, handing him a phone "Go call him. and calm down." He smiled at me and James "He does that sometimes. Anyway, this is James?" I nodded. "Not bad. You seem like a nice kid. " Then his expression went dark "But if you hurt him I will find you. I'm a fifth degree black belt in Taekwondo, and can make it look like an accident." Then he smiled "So, anything else interesting happen while I was gone?" I shook my head "No. You? Anything happen with Rosio?" He smiled and flashed me his ring hand, which had a wedding band. "We go married." My jaw dropped and I smiled brightly "Dude thats amazing!" "Congratulations man." James aid. "Thanks. What about you guys? You have matching rings." (Yes, I remember the rings. James had his around his neck on a chain that's normally tucked into his shirt, but isn't today, and Keith wears his on his right hand.) "Oh, yeah. We got these at Cornyval."

We continued talking, and I was happy. Yes, Shiro was gone, but maybe I'd be okay. Yeah, I had done a full 360 from how I was before, but people could do that to you. Especially people you cared about.  But I couldn't do what I had considered earlier. It would make Adam so sad, and it would break James's heart. I had to stay strong. Not give in.